While this is certainly not a new idea, it is definitely worth discussing. When dating, we often try to put our best foot forward. We are zipped up – showing only those traits we believe that our partner will appreciate while holding back the traits we think they may not approve of. Essentially, we are trying to be the person that they want to date rather than being who we actually are. This is natural instinctive behavior that is all too easy to slip into without even realizing it.

Once we settle into a relationship and become more comfortable, we begin to unzip a bit. We start to show some of our less appealing traits and hope that our partner will accept the good with the bad. As more time passes in a relationship, we unzip further and further. Eventually, our partner may find that we are nothing like the person they originally thought they were dating (and we often find the same thing about them). What once seemed like a relationship built on compatibility turns out to be something totally different; this all to frequently leads to an inevitable break up.

While this behavior is entirely natural, it is also counterproductive. Wouldn’t it be more effective to get into a relationship where the other person is actually dating you for who you are? Where they actually know your flaws up front and accept them? Where they have chosen you, and not some watered-down, zipped up version of who you are? Is it really worth pretending to be someone you aren’t just to date someone who doesn’t know and, therefore, isn’t really interested in the real you?

Doing this is not as difficult as it might seem. It only requires making a conscious effort to express who you truly are. If you are on a date with someone who enjoys frequent wild nights on the town and you are more of a homebody, don’t hold back – let them know what you really enjoy. And what if it doesn’t work out? What if they decide that they aren’t interested in dating a homebody? Fine, you weren’t really compatible anyway.

Basically, give the other person a more complete picture of who you are, of the things you do and don’t enjoy. Your candor and self-acceptance macy even lead your date to be more forthright about themselves as well. Ultimately, if you can be yourself and find someone who appreciates you for who you are, your relationships will be far more rewarding and enjoyable.

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