Guys & Girls: ever meet one of those people to whom you’re attracted, they’re attracted to you, but they’ve been burned before so now they want “Relationship Insurance”? It has happened to me. It’s never a good idea to go into a relationship blind, hoping for the best, believing in a Pollyanna-ish way that the sheer power of mutual attraction will be able to overcome any and all roadblocks. I’ve made the point in recent articles that healthy, solid, enduring relationships are more likely to happen when some basic things are taken care of up-front so there are no deal-breaking surprises.

But come on, taking things to the opposite extreme is just as counterproductive as not having any foresight at all. Case in point: I dated a girl who had some issues resulting from being treated badly in previous relationships. And she wanted some sort of guarantee on her investment in the next one. So, hoping to frame things in what I think is proper perspective, I drafted the following “document” (I deleted her name in the interest of fairness and privacy – I never use anybody’s name unless they specifically request that I do so, or the reference is completely innocuous).

In the Matter of

Tracy Aydelott and ****** *********

Section A
(1) I, Tracy Aydelott, party of the second part (hereafter to be referred to as “respondent”), being of sound mind and having been made aware, by information and discovery, of the eccentricity, spookiness, and otherwise general quirkiness of ****** *********, party of the first part (hereafter to be referred to as “petitioner”), do hereby waive all claims to, and absolve petitioner of any responsibility for, any reimbursement, recompense, remedy or relief as compensation for wrongs, perceived or actual, against respondent within the context of any relationship (with petitioner) of any nomenclature, in any capacity, and to any degree of magnitude with regard to any and all monetary, intellectual, emotional and/or physical investment made by respondent into said relationship, so long as said wrongs do not fall within the scope of stipulations set forth in section B paragraph 1.
(2) Further, petitioner shall be held blameless in the event that respondent’s conscious actions and/or behavior should, by reasonable and customary definition, provoke, incite, initiate, or otherwise cause to occur conditions set forth in section B paragraph 1, so long as such actions and/or behavior is not a direct or indirect result of fatigue, inebriation, or honest and innocent forgetfulness on the part of respondent.

Section B
Respondent statements pursuant to section A shall be rendered null, void, and unenforceable if:

(a) Petitioner intentionally strikes respondent in anger with any part of petitioner’s body or any object, animate or inanimate, if said blow is rendered with the intent to cause bodily harm, humiliation, or any other adverse effect.
(b) Petitioner, at any time, under any circumstances, is mean and/or hateful to respondent, irrespective of whether respondent, through fatigue, inebriation, or honest and innocent forgetfulness appears to deserve such abuse.

Signed this Sixteenth of August, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and four

Witness: Marty Bowman Tracy Aydelott

Can you see how complex and convoluted that sort of thing would be? “In The Matter Of…” is not an actual “document” of course. We both had a good laugh about it. But it does illustrate something that’s easy to lose sight of: sometimes in life you just pay your nickel and you take your chance. All of us bring baggage from previous relationships into the next one, we can’t help but do it – it’s not a conscious choice. But if we remember that none of it is the fault of our new partner, and we acknowledge that our new partner also has baggage to deal with, then we are more likely to find a solid foundation upon which to build mutual trust. That’s the best you can hope for and it’s one of the best things two people can have as far as a foundation in the relationship.

Besides, Loyd’s of London doesn’t write insurance policies to guarantee investments in relationships. And even if they did, few of us could afford the premiums.

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