So after 25 years of not performing, I issued a challenge for someone to spot and recognize me as Midnight Cowboy on Halloween, while I was out and about in Wilton Manors. Well as these things go this became not just another adventure but another great story destined for the pages of Gir(L).

In preparation for my night out, I had to go in search of the necessary items for the make-up to be effective as well as dusting off my cowboy hat and trusty six guns. So I hit the stores for just 2 items, crepe hair and spirit gum, and was able to find it easy enough at a local costume store. I decided to do a practice make-up session to be sure that I still had the talent to pull this off.

So I sat myself in front of a mirror, first cutting the crepe hair into fine stubble, then applying the spirit gum to my skin then the stubble with a make-up brush meticulously creating inch by inch, first sideburns then beard and mustache. After an hour, I looked in the mirror surprised at how realistic the transformation still was after all these years. In that instant recalling how 25 years ago, I would be accosted by women, who wanted to see for themselves that I was really a woman in drag. I created this persona out of the love and appreciation; I had for the ordinary men who transformed themselves into incredible divas. My reflection in the mirror revealed a very handsome man plus with the effect and feel of the crepe hair, anyone near or far would be hard pressed to believe I was not the real thing.

So when Halloween arrived, I completed the look by wearing a black shirt, black pants, cowboy boots, cowboy hat, a belt with 6 pair of handcuffs and finished off with a pair of six guns. As I walked into the bar in my friend Eva walked past me saying “Hey look it’s the Marlboro Man!”
I couldn’t help myself and called out to her “Girl, It’s me Gina.” She came back around and took a longer look,” Oh my God, I never would have recognized you.”
“See I told you you’d be surprised by the transformation.”
“Damn Gina, it even feels real! What was your drag name again?”
“Midnight Cowboy.” I responded
“Ok then Midnight, it is for the night” And with that, she left to go outside for a smoke.
My next target Tracey, the bartender recognized me easy enough by setting me up with a cold Budweiser “How did you know it was me?”
“Gina don’t you remember, you gave me a lot of hints. But I have to admit you really look like a guy!”

So as the night went on this same scenario would be repeated many times over. It became quite the scandal as my friend’s would be beside me and having no clue that it was me. The surprise and shock on their faces were some the highlights of the evening.

But I must admit that I forgot just how powerfully realistic this look was. Since it was Halloween, I thought it was a great costume, but it was so realistic that when I tired to meet several ladies that night, they turned me down thinking I was a real guy instead of a lesbian!

While standing in line for the bathroom, I noticed a guy cruising me, I thought to myself, “Oh, Oh here we go!” and I was right because he comes up to me starts making small talk then begins coming onto me. I gently tell him in his ear, “Honey, I’m really a girl!” He was dumbfounded, but none the less he thinks I’m being shy and examines me even closer. “No way, it looks and feels real, come on you’re a guy!” So as I had done in the past, I had to reveal to him in no uncertain terms, that I was a real girl.

After several of these encounters with other guys, I thought to myself, maybe it was time to go home? So I went outside for one last cocktail before heading home and while I was standing there I noticed this beautiful woman looking at me. I glanced at her several times; I saw that the attraction between the two of us was very evident. So I made my way over to her introducing myself and buying her a drink. Once the introductions were done…we found ourselves at a crossroads. Because neither one of us were who we appeared to be. I turned out to be a girl in drag and she was an incredibly beautiful trans-sexual…. Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!

In the first article on transgenderism I referred to gender as a continuum. On the polar ends of this continuum are trans people who “pass”. Passing is a condition in which the transgendered person blends successfully with their one of the two stereotypical genders. Towards the center of the continuum, or bar graph, are people who exhibit androgyny, or characteristics of both genders. This discussion focuses on the first group, for it is trans-passing that can cause confusion in the intimacy of dating.

Those of you who read my first installment on Transgender Dating learned some basic facts about the condition of transgenderism. I ended the first chapter with a promise to help you distinguish the guys from the girls. I mislead you and beg your forgiveness. I was only trying to protect you from the horrible ugly truth, which I must now acknowledge:

There is no way to tell the girls from the guys.

And perhaps even more disturbing to some of you is the very real possibility that you may be rubbing up against a transgender person in your daily activities, figuratively speaking, of course. Yes, dear reader, we walk among you–be not afraid. We mean you earthlings no harm.

To be honest with ourselves, first we must answer some uncomfortable questions about our personal feelings regarding gender. Before you reach the couch, with the drinks and the music and mood lighting, you absolutely must know how you feel about gender.

Gender is about how you as an individual express your sexuality. The power of gender is its inherent diversity. On a huge canvas, we paint our sexuality with our gender. Some of us use only black and white and some of us use all the colors of the rainbow. Bigotry and prejudice aside, gender is cosmic play.

In a technical sense, everyone is a cross dresser. Women liberated by their role as factory workers in the Second World War, began wearing pants and never looked back. Kilts are the rule for Scottish men. There simply are no global standards for gendered behavior, and this truth renders the whole subject a matter of complete relativity.

The truth about this whole discussion is that it is about you and your attitudes towards sex and gender. In this wonderfully diverse world, there is some one, or two depending on your proclivities, for everyone. Some religions that mistakenly judge trans-folk as immoral frown on members dating transgender people. Some men even murder transgender people out of fear of being accused of being homosexual, despite the reality that transgendered people are not necessarily gay. Because gender has nothing to do with sexual preference, trans-folk may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual.

It is unlikely in the extreme that your date will tell you at the outset that they are trans. And that information may be the very thing you need to know before embarking on a relationship. Asking a non-transgendered person, if they are a trans is worse, socially speaking, than asking an overweight woman if she is pregnant. Both questions immediately establish an uncomfortable distance between you and your date–a distance that may be irreparable.

Perhaps the only thing worse than that scenario is finding out after physical intimacy that your partner was a member of the same sex as you at some point in their past. We cannot give our potential dates a questionnaire that inquires as to the nature of their former genitalia.

“Do you have or have you ever had genitalia of the opposite sex?” will not score points regardless of the answer. This dilemma can only be resolved by serious soul-searching regarding your deepest darkest fears regarding sexuality. An open minded, open-hearted, educated approach to gender is, of course, the best policy.

Thus, we have slogged bravely through the quagmire of sex and gender. If you are more confused now than before you read my article on transgender dating, then all is well for out of confusion comes clarity. For more education on this subject, websites abound. Here are three great sites to get you started:
http://www.jamisongreen.com/jgassoc_006.htm http://www.hrc.org/issues/transgender.asp

http://www.ifge.org

And of course, I am available to answer all of your transgender queries, regarding dating or lifestyle issues. Don’t be shy. Remember, Gender is Play. Gender is fun. Gender is human.

Rosie, The Transgender Love Goddess

The fine china has been cleared from the table. Wine glasses empty slowly as you and your date idle expectantly on a long, wide sofa, whose deep, rich fabric invites bare skin.

Soft, romantic music plays in the background as the evening sun fades into dusk. In the glow of dim light, casual conversation carves sexual nuance into a pregnant moment, as your desire rises forcefully from within your bosom.

A gloriously romantic scene sets the stage for the final act. A hand lightly brushes a knee, you tell a naughty joke and your date laughs. The moment is right. Your eyes meet. And with grave implication, your date holds your expectant gaze and whispers.

“I’m a transsexual”.

HUH? What the…?Wait!

You have just received the briefest tidbit of some horrible information, instantly altering the romantic paradigm of moments before.

“You’re a what?” you shriek as you not-so-subtly cover your crotch with a couch pillow. You’re not sure what a transsexual is, but you’re pretty sure they are regulars on the Jerry Springer show. And that makes it BAD NEWS.

“I’m a transsexual”

‘OH MY GOD! What’s a transsexual?” you shriek. “Will I get some horrible disease? Am I gay?”

Relax. Calm down. Transsexuals and transgendered people live and walk among us as they have done for centuries.

My name is Rosie and I am a proud post-operative transsexual woman. My purpose, as an Amateur Relationship Expert for LoveDetour.com is to generally demystify the condition of Gender Identity that includes a wide range of beautifully diverse gendered expression. It is my intention to provide you with an educated perspective that will preclude the sort of disastrous scenario that I described in the first two paragraphs of this article. By the time you have completed your gender education in the following pages, you will be prepared to confront your next encounter with gender diversity with tact and sensitivity.

To demystify the concept of transsexualism and transgenderism, we must first achieve a clear understand of the real nature of gender. Simply put, gender exists between the ears whereas sex is between the legs. Gender is the unique expression of where one finds oneself on the gendered continuum between the idealized, absolutes of masculine and feminine.

You’ll notice that in the previous sentence, I referred to “idealized absolutes’. Since the beginning of time, largely due to the limits of language, we humans have conceptualized our world in terms of a dichotomy: black and white, good and bad, hot and cold, and of course male and female. While this over-simplification makes for effective conversation, it fails miserably when used to describe human sexuality.

Along the broad continuum of human psych-social development, the truth is that we all contain biological components of both sexes .In fact; all human beings begin life as genetic females. Then over the course of our fetal development, male and female differentiation occurs generally along predictable lines. Males, with the help of the testosterone, develop deeper voices, bulky muscles, a propensity for body hair. Woman, due to estrogen biology, have higher voice pitch and resonance, smoother muscles and much less body hair. In this way, with the use of hormones, the body guides the sexual development throughout infancy, puberty and adolescence.

It is important to note that, while this process produces a mold for the differentiation of humans into two visually distinguishable sexes, infinite variations in the process, called brain sex, produce a wide variety of personal expression in the final product. This complex combination of sex determinants sets the stage for the development of gender identity.

Simply put, gender identity is personality’s relationship with the body. Within the myriad expression of our sexuality is the essence of gender. The antiquated concept that behavior must conform to expectations based solely on the existence of one’s genitalia is no longer workable.

Gender expression is a tale of mystery written by the hand of psycho-social development. Masculine and feminine are the parts we play on the stage of life. Generally speaking, gendered behavior corresponds to one’s sexual determinants. People with male genitalia express male gendered behavior. Conversely, people with female genitalia engage in female gendered behavior. However, if we feel it is important or necessary to maintain these strict categories to define people, we must have a firm definition of precisely what is appropriately gendered dress and behavior. No such definitions exist.

If you doubt the veracity of the previous statement, I beg of you to challenge it by asking as many people as you can to define male and female. If they make it past that question, then ask them to explain the difference between masculine and feminine and watch ad their brains fry in the attempt. Here are the standard definitions of male and female from the FreeDictionary:

male

adj.

1.

a. Of, relating to, or designating the sex that has organs to produce spermatozoa for fertilizing ova.

b. Characteristic of or appropriate to this sex; masculine.

c. Consisting of members of this sex.

2. Virile; manly.

fe·male

adj.

1.

a. Of or denoting the sex that produces ova or bears young.

b. Characteristic of or appropriate to this sex; feminine.

c. Consisting of members of this sex.

Any alien visitor to earth who read this description of the distinction between male and female would exit the planet shaking their heads in confusion

Fortunately, in the global sense we have no fixed definition of appropriate gender this definitions in an attempt to understand expression. The rules for gender vary widely from culture to culture–decade to decade.In the new millennium, men wear pink colors in clothing, earrings, long hair and nail polish. Women have always been more liberated in their ability to express themselves. Since World War II, women have been wearing pants, which would have been heresy only a few years prior to the war.

Transgendered is the umbrella category for all people who do not conform to gendered expectations of society. Transgender people identify with the gender that is opposite their natal sex., and express that identification through a variety of characteristics, such as hair, clothes mannerism, speech. Transgendered behavior or more specifically transcendent gendered expression transforms the muddy waters of gender from a wading pool into an ocean of gender possibilities.

While this broad category of gender diverse expression includes a wide variety of personal expression, we will confine ourselves in this discussion to those most pertinent descriptions of gender identity and their impact on dating What you want to know is exactly how to tell the girls from the boys to avoid the situation described in the beginning of this article.

Learning how to tell the guys from the gals these days IS a challenge. But I can help. Stand by for the next in a series of articles on Avoiding a Transsexual Moment.

From Sista Rosie, The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering