“I have had these strong Intuitive thoughts for 3 years that I have known my husband. I am beginning to question his sexual preference. I met him while he was in the military and he had this friend that was very touchy towards him but he always said he didnt see it. One night particulary that I can’t get out of my head was when I was staying in the barracks with him and he left his room and went to his male buddies room. He left me and stayed gone for a total of about 2 hours. During that time I went to his buddies room and kept banging on the door and the door was locked and neither one would answer. We had not fought or anything previous. He later came back his buddy was carrying him and said he had passed out in his room. I totally didnt believe any of it but blocked it out of my mind. He continued to hang out with him, not to mention he worked with him and was in Iraq with him before I met him. I had asked him numerous times if my husband was gay or had ever done anything with him and he would always answer no. Which I truly know he wouldnt admit to it anyway giving the fact he is from a very christian home. We fought one time about it and I ended up leaving to stay with a friend and when we rode by my house I noticed this buddy was there. I never did go in, probably to scared to know if anything was happening. We later got married and he has been out of the service for 2 years now. His buddy still tries to contact him but to my knowledge they dont speak. Other friends of his that were in the military have seen the same things of how his buddy acts and believes he is gay also. Ever since he got out of the military he has not been the same. We do have an 18 month old son. I noticed after he got out, our sex life has not been the same and we are much more distant than ever. I will go some time without thinking about it but it continues to flare up in my thoughts. I can’t let it go mentally even though we have a life in a different state and have a child now. I still feel as if something is not right. His parents would die if they knew their son was gay and I feel as if im just a cover up. There are just so many little things that have happened on why I believe he is gay. Is my intuitive gut feeling right? I really need some advice on what you think. Thanks,”

- Amanda (24)

“My boyfriend and I have been arguing, it could be petty, important or just because. He has had several relationships, very sexual, exotic girlfriends. He’s had 3somes, 4somes, He gets very defensive, when I have asked him questions when I am gone for the weekend. Example, he went out to a bar, with a roommate, I found out through a friend, who was walking across the street. he called to the 2 of them, i guess they didn’t hear him. So I had left several messages on his phone, to c what e was doing, or maybe he was asleep! Hours later he called, and it took a few minutes and he casually said, after dinner when I was not feeling well, Tracy asked me to go to the bar. he never called me, and they were out for 2 hours or so. I tried to ask questions, but he got angry, defensive, and basically put it, nothing happen, and I am not going to sit here on the phone, talking about it! I tried talking, he would not return my calls, I couldn’t get a ride home, and he also said I went out for a couple of hours, at least she paid attention to me, not like you who complains when I am making noise, by eating in the room, shuffling paper, etc. He tried to make it my fault,or brings up something about me and what I had done. Our arguing is getting worse, I don’t like to leave our room where I rent, since he gets energy to go out and about. he has made comments to having a 3some with her. is shes at the bar late, she will call him to come walk her home…. I have no problem with that. I want her back safely. she is single. I am 47, he’s 54 Tracy is 47 he’s home right now, and I can’t get a hold of him at 11 pm.. again. last night he went out on his bike, for 3 hours, came home, I was asleep… I found out he had gone to a bar, rode to the toy box, x rated stores, then stopped at our old roommates and hung out there for a while.. why should I have o ask him, where he went, or take his defensive anger while he tells me nothing happen..”

- Kim (47, CA)

“i have been with my wife for 14 years married for 12 we had a open relationship for most of our life together and everything seemed to be fine neither of us made a complaint about it we had set limits and agreed that as long as our hearts were in the right place it seemed fine but for the last 3 years she has been with this guy whom was well informed the she was only in it for the sex but as time passed she spent more time with him and it caused a strain on our relationship and when i asked her nicely several times to cut back she would play it off and find reasons to spend more time with him and then i started getting more firm about them spending less time together with him and she said that by me wanting that i was driving her into his arms and things got worse from there well i ended up wanting to leave her and when i tried to she begged me not to leave and that she wanted to work things out with me so the three of us had a talk and she made it clear to him that she never intended to leave me and i said that if we were going to work things out he would have to be out of our lives and so he left and things got so much better then later on down the road she came up with a reason to talk to him again and said i had nothing to worry about and soon we were right back to having the same troubles again.

this has been going on for 3 years now i was made to leave the relationship last time around and not to long after that she was calling me saying how much of a mistake she had made and that he was 10 times worse than i was and that she wanted me back and i told her that would not happen anytime soon that she would have to leave him and not talk to him ever again so she moved into her moms house and we talked for a while about what we were doing that hurt us and how to make things better and even then i was hesatant about doing it out of fear of getting hurt again but she promised me that would never happen again so i went back to her and not even a month and a half later he showed up at the door wanting to apoloigize so trying to be civil i let him in and he said he was sorry and that he just wanted to be friends with us so i said ok but he would not be allowed to be around too often then low and behold we are right back to where she is spending more time with him than me and cause im getting pissed about it its my fault for pushing her into his arms cause i want her to spend time with me so now she tells me she loves me but is not in love with me but we can work things out but i have spent the last week sleeping in my sons bed. i know this guy wants nothing less than to steal my wife from me but we live in his house so i just dont know how to get this man out of my life for good with out pissing off my wife and loosing my place to stay. he tells her he loves her but looks at porn pics on the pc and always wants to watch sexual type movies and staring at other ladies so i know he dont respect her that much if he needs to see other naked ladies all day long. i love my wife faults and all and will never give up hope that we can make things work i will always try but i just dont know what to do any help or advice would be welcomed thx.”

- Kevin (33, Westland, MI)

“My wife says that she was born gay not bi but gay and really believes it. She cant turn off her attraction to girls but she says she loves me and only me. My question is whether or not she can really love me if she believes she was born gay and will our relationmship last?”

- Charles (26, Killeen,TX)

“My wife has had a brief bisexual encounter when she was an adolescent. She kissed another female and the other female felt her breasts. She recently mentioned to me that she is curious as to what it would be like to be with a woman. How can I help her explore her fantasy without introducing another person in our relationship. As a man how can I help her experience her fantasy? I would like womens point of view.”

- Joe (40, Houston, TX)

Negotiated infidelity. That’s the subject of “Sugarbabe” by Holly Hill, an Australian former mistress turned author. Her premise: keep your guy faithful to your relationship by letting him be unfaithful to you. Hmmmm . . .

Call me old fashioned. Call me narrow-minded. But I’m not one teensy bit interested in giving my sweetheart the nod to break a sweat with other women. Ms. Hill postulates that guys will be guys and, thus, we women might as well stop fighting human nature. That’s a bit like saying it’s a dog’s nature to bite so why train your dog to have good manners.

I was an estate planning attorney for 20+ years before I morphed into a relationship coach. Clients never ceased to surprise me.  For example, my client Byron was the quietest, least assuming man I knew. He and his equally unassuming wife Mavis, both in their mid-60’s, were the last—I’m not kidding, the VERY last—people I would have pegged as swingers. Sure ‘nuff, they were. After Mavis died, Byron paid me a visit and I heard the whole story. Seems that he broke one of the cardinal rules of swinging—never get emotionally involved, it’s just sex. He and another woman fell for each other. Uh-oh. Complication! Well, he and Mavis worked it out but after Mavis died, Byron confided in and consulted with me because he was worried that the other woman might make some claim to his estate and he was rightfully concerned about his children having a peak at those still waters that had run so deep. I assured him it was unlikely, bade him good-bye, and sat in shocked silence, reminded once again to never judge a book by its cover.

Byron’s “lapse” demonstrates what to me is the issue in an open relationship or in what Ms. Hill describes as “negotiated infidelity.” How do you eliminate the risk of emotional attachment to the person you’re casually schtupping? Ms. Hill says you have to have rules. Her boyfriend is allowed to have sex with other women but he isn’t allowed to spend the night or spoon with anyone but her, and he can’t take any schtuppee on romantic getaways. There are rules for swingers, too. But rules, as they say, are made to be broken—as Byron proved. Okay, if not “made” to be broken, then certainly too easily broken. What would Ms. Hill think if her sweetheart forgot, just for a minute or two, that he’s not supposed to spoon another woman? Would he then be guilty of cheating? I suppose so. Safe physical sex is easily addressed. Safe emotional sex—not so easy.

I’m going to keep an open mind. Having such an arrangement may work for some couples and if so, who am I to say they’re wrong. If Ms. Hill and her sweetheart can make it work, more power to them. But I’m afraid there’s heartache ahead for Ms. Hill.

In my experience, both personally and working with couples over the years, the most fulfilling, satisfying, rewarding, and connected relationships are those in which the two partners reserve themselves—physically and emotionally—for each other.

Shela Dean, Relationship Coach, Speaker & Bestselling Author

http://www.ShelaDean.com; http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com

Maryanne Answer: Good question: what about dropping one’s drawers creates such a hard line?

I believe it was Ted Bundy, one of the most notorious Mr. Wrongs of our time, who said, as long as we have pornography men will continue to victimize and harm women. This might explain why we do not live in a naked, leaf-eating, peaceful, sexually wise culture. IT’S NOT SAFE FOR WOMEN—yet. And while the Aboriginals may be sexually more evolved, they currently do not have access to all our forms of soul-sucking, spirit-killing, de-humanizing programming.

In the meantime, I realized if we put that 2% of genetic difference to work we might be able to counter the overwhelming amount of suffering men and women experience in relationship. I saw a corollary between pausing prior to drawer droppage to consider, at length, its consequences, and the aforementioned suffering. That if we just waited a little longer before we succumb to this impulse, we had a greater likelihood of creating healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship. Somehow, it doesn’t seem likely the FDA will attach a human sexuality instruction manual to our bodies that reads like a prescription warning label. “WARNING, may be HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH if taken internally. Do not drink ALCOHOL while handling, may cause heart palpitations, intense longing, dizziness, trouble concentrating, financial hemorrhaging, loss of memory, pregnancy and, in some cases, death. Consult your doctor if any of these symptoms persist.”

I wrote Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers, instead, hoping to inspire an alternate impulse—to pause (not paws). To globally build our collective conscious imperative to delay our gratification, for the sake of man (and woman) kind. To build our global muscle that has atrophied in the wake of our fast-food mentality, and resurrect the ultimate truth that there is freedom in discipline, that the mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master. To use that 2% for everything it’s worth so that maybe someday, sooner rather than later, our priorities will change and we will value and hold in unison that which is naturally sacred before we all cross the point of no return.

But before we race off to transform ourselves, just because we can, let’s make an important distinction between humans and primates. While there may be only a 2% genetic difference between monkeys and men, it is our ability to consider whether or not we ever “drop our drawers” which makes all the difference in the world. That said, we all need role models from time to time; why not an ape or an aboriginal? So let’s not look a gift horse (or any other animal, tribe, or alien) in the mouth, and take good relationship modeling where we can get it! If there is something to be learned from our furry or our scantily clad friends, if they can help us better determine optimal drawer droppage in this time/space continuum, far be it for me to stand in the way of such monkey business!

I wake up from a fitful night’s sleep, glad that it is time to get up and begin my day. While still half-awake, I feel into my dreams to see if there is anything important there, but the dreamscape is silent.Over the past few nights I’ve been working a lot in my dreams, getting downloads of unconditional love, so I suppose it’s okay to have a dreamless night! Still, I feel a little disappointment that I have nothing to mull over.

Some mornings I slip right into meditation in my cozy bed, but this morning I remember that my guides have been telling me to meditate outdoors, to get more deeply in touch with nature. I go out to the pomegranate tree and arrange myself on the yoga mat with my blanket and drop in. It feels good to hear the birds singing, and I listen to the hummingbirds chasing each other and drinking their morning nectar for a moment before I start my hour of solo practice. I begin with the breath of fire, waking myself up, and feeding my inner fire with short sharp breaths. As I do the practice, I wake up, and start to feel life force flowing into my body, opening up the same channels that sexual energy flows through.  I start to feel warm, and I remove the blanket. As I continue to breath, a smile starts to come to my face, and a happiness fills my belly. Ahhhhh. I feel a deep inner stillness at he center of my belly, surrounded by a gentle warming flame. I feel GOOD.

After the breath of fire, I work with my chakras, breathing into each one and clearing it out. AHHH, this feels good too, like taking my morning shower. my physical and emotional body starts to feel clear and clean and open. I give thanks then, gratitude for everything the day before that gave me joy. And I spend a few more minutes sitting in stillness, listening for what Spirit wants to tell me today. I check in also to see what I need to know for my clients today. What will they need? Usually I get a little taste in my body of one thing that they need most, a guidepost for their healing session.

Now it is time for the day to unfold. I dress and shower, and make my way to the temple. Once there, I prepare the space. This is one of my favorite parts of the day, making the space beautiful, burning incense and sage, lighting candles, playing soft music. I am ready to begin.

My first client arrives and we work on some challenges that are unfolding in her relationships. She wants to learn to center more into herself, to find her power as a woman, and to connect with her own sexual self. I spend an hour listening deeply to her, channeling information from my guides, and teaching her practice. Today we work with movement, because she is ready to RELEASE! We dance and breathe and learn to do a deep clearing of each chakra center with the breath and movement. She lets herself move her body and releases deep sounds of anger that she didn’t even know were store inside of her. Afterward she feels energized and relieved. I send her home with some music to use in her daily practice.

Now it is time for me to attend to business, and I ground myself in the everyday as I answer email, take phone calls, edit the website, and many other mundane tasks. It helps to balance me to spend this time, and rather than feeling resentful about it, I am grateful for the variety in my day.

I take a nice long break at lunch time to care for my body, because for me a large part of the practice of tantra is to care for myself. Today I go to yoga class and eat nourishing food to replenish myself for the afternoon and evening.

Now the day shifts and becomes more intense. I have a RED session today—deep and powerful hands-on work. I will be using my sexual/life force energy (and that of my client) to open, to heal old shame and guilt, to allow more freedom and ecstasy in sexual connection, This work often follows for my clients after an intensive study of breath and meditation and movement practice.

I take an hour to prepare the room, lighting candles and incense. I put sheets on the bed, and call in my animal guide allies to hold the space. As I call in Black Jaguar I hear and feel a loud purrrrrr, and I know that this will be a yummy and powerful session, that there will be deep pleasure and an opening.

Once my client arrives we spend 3 hours experimenting with tantric touch. I begin by listening to him share about how the work has been integrating since our last session, a lingam massage. He is excited about learning to move sexual energy through his whole body and starting to have whole body orgasms in his self pleasure practice. Anchored in himself, he’s eager today to learn more about sharing this larger sexual/heart/spirit energy with a woman.

We begin with meditation, imagining ourselves to be trees, rooted in the Earth and branched into the stars and the sun. Once we are feeling strong and loved by the Divine, we begin intentionally connecting, flowing our roots together and interweaving our branches as trees do in the forest. We see vines growing from our hearts, connecting and entwining us with love that begins to flow back and forth. As we disrobe,  we flow into touch and breath and how to work those together, stay present, and bring diversity to the ways we connect and touch. I show him how to create safety with Earth touch, and I drop into feeling him give that to me. He feels the joy of having a woman totally receive him as a man. We move to water, total loving touch, then fire, deep sexual passion, and come up into air, tingling and vibrating from all this blissful energy. We keep experimenting as he finds his way into a giving that is as blissful as receiving. Time seems to dissolve as we both push the envelope of the bliss barrier, seeking the place where we can allow ourselves to be bigger, and finding the obstacles that keep us from receiving pleasure. We feel pleasure deeply in our bodies, and still I hear the voice of Spirit speaking gently and quietly in me, helping me to track his energy and his needs in the moment, helping me to be his guide on this blissful ecstatic journey. My guidance allows me to hold space for him and to give him all the unconditional love in my heart. In the light of that unconditional love, he melts, and his heart opens to a blazing fire, aligned with his body, his lingam, and his Spirit. He tells me that he feels like an eagle, soaring above the earth and seeing all his life and all his relationships in perspective for the first time.

We come back to earth at the end with berries, chocolate, cheese, and crackers, and bask in what feels like the afterglow of sex, even though we haven’t actually made love. I feel into how big my energy body feels, and look to see how much his face and eyes have changed from when he came in.  He tells me how profoundly the session has changed his perception, and promises to check in a week from now by phone to share how it is integrating into his life.

I say goodbye to my client and turn my mind once again to self care. I have learned that this work requires a lot of that! I shower to ground myself, I sage to bless the space and the work. I go out and walk, I eat. I give thanks for the beauty and healing power of this work and notice how connected I feel to the trees and the birds in the park. Life is good and my heart is full of love and bliss.

Namaste,

Kypris

Kypris, Dakini and Shamanic Tantra Teacher holds a master’s degree in Biology, as well as a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and is an initiated HeartWisdom Tantric Priestess. She is the author of “Journey to Sexual Wholeness, The Six Gateways to Tantric Sexuality”.

Yabyummy is a teaching temple that provides a tantric path to gain sexual wholeness through breathwork, visualization, and tantric massage. We are committed to unifying sexuality with spirituality and spirituality with sexuality for growth minded men, women and couples.

After you finish making love with your woman, hold her for a couple of minutes and cuddle her. Then get up and get a big towel and soak it in hot water. Then wring it out well and carry it back in the bedroom. Get the spread back on the bed and put a couple of towels under your lady and have her lay on her stomach. Unfold the hot towel and lay it on her back and shoulders. Once the towel cools off, cover her up to prevent her from getting a chill. Take the towel back into the bathroom and soak it in hot water again and wring it out again. Now, take it in and have her lie on her back and again give her the hot towel treatment this time taking time to clean her up between her legs.

Now bring in a dry towel and dry her off and dust her down with her favorite powder all over and massage it in all over. Once that is done, you pull back the sheets climb back into bed and take her in your arms cover her and yourself back up and talk to her and stroke her hair. Tell her how much you love her. Take pains to not fall sleep until she is ready. If you do this on a consistent basis, she will have sex with you any time you want. She will also sing your praises to all of her girlfriends and her sisters and mom as well. Be sure to read my other chapters on foreplay and sexual techniques to improve your standing in the bedroom.

To understand the psychology of this, let me explain. Women want to feel loved and cherished. Too many of you just want to get off, roll over and go to sleep. This leaves her feeling used, like a piece of meat. She feels like you just used her vagina to effectively jack off into. If she is feeling like this, she will resist your sexual overtures.

Go out and use this information. See if it does not improve your love life.

* This article contains information of a sexual nature. Before you can continue to read this article you must read and agree to the following. By clicking the link “Read More”, you signify that you agree to the following terms:

• It is legal for you to view sexual material your locality,
• You are old enough (over 18 years of age in most countries) to view sexual material in your locality,
• You wish to view material of a sexual nature,
• You willfully and without coercion choose to view material of a sexual nature.

Get “her” done. That is the modus operandi for far too many guys in the bedroom. Unfortunately, what it really means is get “it” done. Far too many of you don’t bother or worry about getting “her” done. This is because you don’t take the time to give her adequate foreplay time to achieve a maximum level of arousal. If you follow my suggestions, she will BRAG on you to all of her women friends and relatives. You will achieve a new found level of respect.

You can take my techniques and add your own. These suggestions are just designed to stir your imagination.

1. First of all, you have to stop thinking about getting yourself off, and decide that you want to follow the James Bond model of manhood insofar as spoiling women and pampering them. Women want to feel loved and cherished and not just getting laid.

2. Secondly, You can try by brushing her hair. Women love to have their hair brushed. Then progress to giving her a total body massage. Be sure to do her whole body from head to foot. Pay particular attention to her butt. She has nerve endings there that she does not even know that she has, all connected to her vagina. Also pay attention to her feet. All of her nerve endings come together in her feet.

3. Next, undress her SLOWLY. Let the anticipation build. She will enjoy being undressed by you. Don’t take off her bra and panties yet. Leave them on. Now start kissing her and caressing her all over avoiding her breasts and vagina. Stroke her hair, caress all around the erogenous zones.

4. Now start lightly stroking her nipples through her bra while continuing to kiss her. Stroke your finger just inside the cup and stroke all around. Then take off the bra slowly and start licking her breasts all over and then gently start sucking on them, gradually increasing the pressure as she is comfortable. Then, start kissing down her belly and stroking her lightly with your fingertips. Kiss and stroke down her belly past her vagina and do all the way down her thighs and calves. Come back the other side all the way back to her vagina. Remember her panties are still on. Put your mouth over her vagina and blow hot breath through her panties over her clitoris. Then insert a finger inside the leg band of her panties and stroke all around without touching her vagina. It will drive her wild!

5. Next, insert your finger inside the leg band of her panties and pull the crotch away to the side. Start licking between her vagina lips up an down. When you get to the top of her vagina, you give her clitoris a quick lick and go back to licking between her vagina lips. Then insert your tongue inside of her vagina. Stroke it in and out. She will be moaning and giving you encouragement at this point. You then begin licking her clitoris. Here is where you can really become a hero in the bedroom. You can gentle pull back the hood of her clitoris and directly lick the clitoris. You can then suck the clitoris between your lips and begin to suck on it like a woman performing fellatio on a man. The clitoris will actually become hard like a male penis and achieve an erection. You can give her an orgasm by giving her clitoris a blow job.

6. You can also use what I call the “machine gun tongue” technique. This is where you lick her clitoris with lightening fast motions to bring her to additional orgasms. You can do this by flexing your tongue against your upper lip and flick your tongue past it. By flexing your tongue against your upper you can actually flick your tongue faster for your partner’s pleasure.

7. Finally there is one more thing that you can do for fantastic foreplay. After having given your honey numerous orgasms, she will be begging you to take her. You can give her a real thrill. Hook your hand in the waist band of those panties and give one hard rip and literally rip her panties off. This will simultaneously scare her and excite her. Every woman has a secret rape fantasy. She does not really want to be raped but she wants to be taken forcefully and roughly by a self confident man. The key to using this fantasy, is that you want to make sure that she is highly aroused.

Go out and use this stuff. This is part of a chapter excerpt from my book. If you would like to know when it comes out, just send me an email to marriagecoach1@yahoo.com. If you want help with your relationship I will give you a free half hour consultation as well.