V Raj Asked:

“I have been married 2 years now. We knew each other for about 8months before we got married and moved in together after our marriage. My husband is very honest, helps me with our daily chores, we go out for dinner, shopping and movies together. But I do not find him romantic. I find his sex drive too low. We never had sex before marriage. Ever since we got married, we have sex utmost 3times a month. I feel like he is not attracted to me anymore. I am definite he is not cheating on me, but i do not get enough attention from him. He travels a lot and I anticipate his return, excited for him to be back home… but he is always in the same neutral mood. I find that a big turn off. I love him, but coz of the way things are I am starting to doubt myself. I do not know how much longer I will be able to hold on to this relationship. My question for you is – How do I make my relationship healthy? What can I do to improve the way things are?”

- V Raj (30)

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Francis Asked:

“hi all. in december last year, i had a bad fight with my girlfriend and later on reconciled. we had been in fights before but this particular one was so bitter to me. during that period, we tried making love but i lost my erection. since then, i have been very nervous about sex with her. we have reconciled but most times i worry that i may not get an erection and indeed i dont get one. we have problems but we sort them out but i feel good sex will also go a long way in cementing us. she recently told me that the low sex in the relationship is worrying her.how can i fix this?”

- Francis (27, Nairobi, Kenya)

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Gina Asked:

“In 2006 I met a guy called Rich he had a brother (Mario) that lived next to me and I thought he was cute. I told rich i know you brother he lives around my home. eventually I met (mario) he had a girl. but we slept together anyways. I was on the rebound at the time. after that time it never happen again. now 2010 I meet Rich for the 1st time. it was a connection we felt it. but i know is wrong to want to date the brother now, I think it would not be right morally, we start getting to know each other. Rich knows what happen between me and his brother and at 1st I’m sure he wanted to just sleep with me till he got to know me. So about a few weeks ago we hit it off we took it there. we were intimate it was great, wonderful etc. I really like him he said that with his brother situation in the middle things would be difficult but he knew this from the beginning but got intimate anyways. after that happen we have been in contact by phone only but have not seen each other. He told me would i deal with him if the tables were turn. I said I didn’t know. Someone told me in order for that to work between Rich & you he has to ask the Brother Mario for his OK. b/c that will always haunt him the fact that you and his brother were intimate even if it was only one time. I want to know why would he keep contact with me even after what happen between us everyday he says Good morning to me. I like him a lot but I am confused. and i know this is not right but, why continue to give hope to something that might never be. Can he just be trying to be nice about it even though he looks like a jerk anyway.”

- Gina (35, Bronx, NY)

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Helena Asked:

“I have a fairly complex question that I hope you can help me with. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. In that time I have found myself getting gradually more anxious. He doesn’t verbally express any of his feelings or emotions towards me – he isn’t really that interested in me physically either. We have had sex twice in the last two months. He doesn’t enjoy sex that much and he cannot ejaculate. We don’t do anything else which has crushed my self confidence – I have always been confident in the bedroom and like having fun but the rejection has hurt so much, He has had quite a difficult upbringing (his mother left when he was young) which I think has had an impact on him. He doesn’t think it has and although has been to counselling he did not like it. He had a long term relationship before me who I know he loved very much. They are still in regular contact (he doesn’t hide this) but he knows I don’t like it. He says they are friends and nothing more. They broke up 5 years ago. I personally think maybe he cannot form an emotional attachment to me as he is still emotionally attached to her, even if he can’t see this himself. He says he doesn’t feel any passion for me – ‘my heart isn’t with anyone else but it isn’t here either’. I have discussed these issues many times but we do not seem to get anywhere. Understandably he is getting more frustrated at me for bringing it up. I care for him very much but I just don’t know where to go from here. He says he doesn’t want to be with anyone else. Am I being blinded by love? I am getting to the point where I can’t sleep or think of anything else. Any advice appreciated. Thank you.”

- Helena (30, London, UK)

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That’s right, recently someone’s wife made a very public declaration about a certain someone (her husband) doing whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted that she apparently didn’t like…at all! We know this because she lopped off his junk (slang for penis) then ground it into a pulp. Yeeewouch.? I think I used to be funnier than I am now. I’m not sure if that’s true but it feels true. And I am not exactly sure what happened or when, but it might have something to do with the fact that it’s scarier now to be decidedly anything…out loud. Including satirical blogger, politician or…someone’s husband!? For sure there are more immediate consequences we all face for saying (or doing ) whatever we want, wherever and whenever we want, particularly because more people are watching and listening than ever before. But not since Lorena Bobbitt have we seen so publically such a cruel and heinous act performed by a woman scorned. Typically we witness women one after another “standing by their man”; examples are Hillary Clinton, Mrs. Edwards, and most recently Weiner’s wife (no pun intended). Yet it looks like the tides are turning.  Some women are respecting themselves in a way that makes them simply no longer willing to endorse this bad behavior. Like Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger, and Tiger Woods’ (again no pun intended) now ex-wife. While these reformists have more in common than their husbands’ prophetic surnames, we can only hope this pendulum finds a happy medium to “bone collecting,” and sooner rather than later! Anyway, I don’t want to have to start coming up with nicknames for the results of lopping guys’ Johnsons off, like “He got a Willy Wonka” or “He’s dead meat,” etc. Because, well, it’s just really not funny.?? Still there are some people who seem less concerned about showing lust or desire (or haven’t watched the news lately). Like last week when my husband and I were seated at the bar in a local French bistro. Keep in mind that the bar is teeny and the restaurant is smack in the middle of a bedroom community. My point is, this is no city bar or local watering hole. So you’re more likely to see a young kid at the bar having a French hamburger than the 3 men behaving badly I am about to describe.

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Kim Asked:

“My boyfriend and I have been arguing, it could be petty, important or just because. He has had several relationships, very sexual, exotic girlfriends. He’s had 3somes, 4somes, He gets very defensive, when I have asked him questions when I am gone for the weekend. Example, he went out to a bar, with a roommate, I found out through a friend, who was walking across the street. he called to the 2 of them, i guess they didn’t hear him. So I had left several messages on his phone, to c what e was doing, or maybe he was asleep! Hours later he called, and it took a few minutes and he casually said, after dinner when I was not feeling well, Tracy asked me to go to the bar. he never called me, and they were out for 2 hours or so. I tried to ask questions, but he got angry, defensive, and basically put it, nothing happen, and I am not going to sit here on the phone, talking about it! I tried talking, he would not return my calls, I couldn’t get a ride home, and he also said I went out for a couple of hours, at least she paid attention to me, not like you who complains when I am making noise, by eating in the room, shuffling paper, etc. He tried to make it my fault,or brings up something about me and what I had done. Our arguing is getting worse, I don’t like to leave our room where I rent, since he gets energy to go out and about. he has made comments to having a 3some with her. is shes at the bar late, she will call him to come walk her home…. I have no problem with that. I want her back safely. she is single. I am 47, he’s 54 Tracy is 47 he’s home right now, and I can’t get a hold of him at 11 pm.. again. last night he went out on his bike, for 3 hours, came home, I was asleep… I found out he had gone to a bar, rode to the toy box, x rated stores, then stopped at our old roommates and hung out there for a while.. why should I have o ask him, where he went, or take his defensive anger while he tells me nothing happen..”

- Kim (47, CA)

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The most important thing you need to ask yourself first is, “am I happy with my weight?” If the answer is yes, then you probably do not need to read any further. However, since this article caught your eye, I would imagine the answer is “No.”

This question is one that many women ask themselves when they start gaining weight. Does he still love me? On the surface this is a very simple question with a very simple answer…of course he still loves you. The problem is that whether he “Loves” you still may not be the only question you should be asking.

First let me discuss some of the rules of attraction as they relate to both men and women.

For women, the emotional and physical parts of a relationship are very much interlaced with one another. This is the reason romance novels exist. Women become aroused by romance, exotic encounters, and heart felt gestures more than they do than visual stimuli. Often times a woman will not become intimate with a man unless she is either experiencing or hoping for an emotional bond. As a result, it is common for a man who becomes somewhat heavier or who provides a less than amazing sex life to be allowed to compensate with an amazing personality and kindness.

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It’s no secret that men and women are very different when it comes to sex and what it takes to become aroused. Women often need to feel an emotional connection, or at least a sense of romance before they are interested in pursuing physical intimacy with a man. Then there is the cuddling, kissing, and tickling of foreplay to get things “warmed up.”

For a guy it is more like a light switch, you just give them a bit of attention and they are ready to go. Often times a man doesn’t really care for the foreplay, and in a marriage it can even become aggravating if he always has to put a lot of effort into something he could take care of himself in a few minutes. Yes, by take care of it, I mean masturbation,which is completely healthy until it is replacing sex in your marriage.

When one partner is no longer being satisfied, it begins a very dangerous spiral. If a man is not being satisfied physically, he will not feel obligated to satisfy his partner. When neither partner is being satisfied, it inevitably causes wandering eyes in a search for someone new who can provide this pleasure.

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KC Asked:

“My story is that i have had this arranged marriage, which i never liked, and i was forced into, my wife and her parents also lied everything. I choose to sacrifice, even if she was not good looking because she was a doctor, anyway that is all past. I still tried to be nice, and it has been 7 years in our marriage, we argue all the time, verbal arguments, may be we had sex three to four times in this seven years, and in that three to four times only, we also have a kid. She doesnt like me, i dont like her, i want to move on, but i was patient all these years, because my kid will be impacted because she wont have one parent. I am originally from India, day in and day out i cry to myself, how did i end up like this? Why did not i make a correct choice of choosing the right girl.
I am ashamed of my situation, and i sincerely wish no one in this world should face the situation i am in. I tell her to go, enough is enough, because she also doesnt like me and i hate her, she says she is going, but she doesnt. Now i am ready to divorce her, i cant take it anymoe. But my sister and brother from India and my friends tell that if i do that my daughter’s life will be spoiled, because people wont respect her, she cannot be brought up nicely because her parents are divorced.

Any ideas will surely help me. Thanks so much for your help.”

- KC (37, US)

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John Asked:

“Why is my sexual desire for my girlfriend fading?”

- John (38, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada)

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