I have yet to meet a man who hasn’t thought – or told me – that they are the next best thing since slice bread when it comes to making love. Interestingly enough, I often hear a very different story from their partner – but I will leave that subject for another day. The point of the story however; is these men are not lying, they actually believe what they are thinking or saying is true. The problem here is that great sex for you might not be considered great sex for someone else. Why? Because great sex is truly in the eye of the of the beholder. Some men think they are Casanova because they can “last” for over 5 minutes or they bring their partner to multiple orgasms (which, hey, I must admit is not a bad thing). But the key to having great sex with your partner is knowing what exactly your partner wants, needs and likes. And it might be very different than what you believe is great sex and what you think they want, need and like.

Great Sex Tip # 1: Use your mouth – not only for kissing and other forms of sexual arousal but for communication!! That’s right guys – ask your partner what they want and like – be open and try not to have preconceived notions of what you think you know about your partner’s sexual preferences. You might be very surprised to hear the information your partner shares with you about her sexual pleasures.

Great Sex Tip # 2: Remember your sex life has nothing to do with porn sex. Do not make the mistake of thinking great sex with your partner is going to be “life imitating art”. In other words, “Debbie Does Dallas” does not have anything at all to do with great sex in your relationship. Zip, Zero, Nada, Nothing!! So don’t think great sex has to look anything like an x-rated movie.

Great Sex Tip # 3: Do not believe all the “locker room” talk you hear about the subject of sex. Research shows most men think their sex life is missing something that everyone else’s has and/or that other men are having more frequent and more passionate and crazy sex! Guys – you tend to over-exaggerate (if not downright lie about) your sexual lives to other men. Do not believe what I call the “locker room” talk about sex most men engage in. They belong to the category of stories told that start with: “You should have seen the size of the fish that got away”. Got it? So don’t believe all this locker room talk and definitely do not compare your sex life to these fictitious stories. Every other couple besides you is not living on the “Love Boat” – having frequent and explosive sex all the time. This is just not true.

So pass this article on to the one you care about. Guys might not admit it, but my bet is they might feel a little relieved to get this information. After all, if we are honest with ourselves, nobody really wants to believe anybody is having any better, or more frequent sex than everybody else.

So hopefully this article will take some pressure off all the couples out there who are not having sex swinging from the chandelier.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.drpattyann.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
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It is true that there are jerk men who feel the need to assuage their egos by carving notches in the bedposts.  If you are married to this kind of guy, my heartfelt concerns are for you.  These guys never get filled up because they lack self respect.

For the rest of you, the answer is easy;  satisfy his needs.

Almost all of you have had the fantasy about living happily ever after.  Too often that fantasy tends to be self centered where you see the “Prince Charming” sweeping you off of your feet and paying rapturous attention to you and pampering you and taking care of you.  In talking with my female clients, they never took into consideration what their responsibility was in taking care of the prince to maintain the happily ever after.

Men are really, really simple.  They have 3 basic needs, Respect, sex and food.  According to Dr. Harley of His Needs , Her Needs, he would also say recreational companionship.

Man’s number one need is respect and admiration.  Now we are living in a time of rampant MISANDRY.  I suggest that you look it up on Wikipedia, it does a good job of explaining it.  Basically it is reverse sexism towards men by women in our society.  You can see it in the commercials.  The man is portrayed as this helpless boob who has once again gotten himself and/or his family into trouble yet again.  Then the “heroic woman” swoops in to save the day, all the while tossing off sarcastic and condescending remarks to her husband.  You man needs your respect and admiration. He needs you to be his biggest cheerleader and he wants affirmation for how hard he tries to take care of you and the family.  If you don’t give him respect, he will look for it elsewhere.  You need to be his best friend and talk to him with respect at all times.

He also needs sex with you freely and lovingly given.  Men get the bulk of their affectional needs through sex with their wife.  Studies indicate that 60% of married women with children, inflict a starvation diet of sex once a week or less on their husbands.  Now we can all agree that no woman should be forced to have sex against her will.  What amazes me is the number of women who have no problem forcing her husband to do WITHOUT SEX AGAINST HIS WILL.  Trust me, this breeds real resentment towards the wife.  Every time he is forced to masturbate alone, it chips away at his affection for you and builds resentment.  He feels as though you took vows and violated them.  You vowed that he could have you and hold you. (euphemism for sex).  In fact the dictionary backs this up.  Look up the word unfaithful and it talks not only about cheating but being unfaithful to your vows to satisfy your mate. You need to give him sex freely and lovingly and also endeavor to give him the things that he asks for in bed.  I can help you to get over your turnoffs to certain activities through a series of exercises.  If you don’t give it, he will look elsewhere.

Now I have sympathy with young new mothers who feel exhausted.  It is easy to put your husband’s sexual needs at the bottom of your priority list.  AVOID THIS RELIGIOUSLY.  You need to always put your husband’s needs at the top of your priority list.  Make the relationship important and everything else falls in behind.  He will accept a quicky when you are tired and be very grateful.

Now I understand that a lot of your husbands are lousy in the sack.  This is because there is no school for sex that they can go to.  It is easy to reject his overtures when you are tired and he does not take care of your needs.  There is a solution for that.  I am a marriage, relationship and sexual coach. I can give you help.  I am also coming out with a book entitled: STOP HAVING LOUSY SEX.  Believe me, he will become a hero in the bedroom when I am done with him.  All you have to do is to drop me a line at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com and I will even give you a half hour complimentary session.

• Yoga – Practicing yoga gives you greater flexibility and better muscle tone. It can also offer physical benefits that can add up to a more fulfilling sexual relationship with your partner. Just the fact that yoga helps you reduce some weight can mean a lot of benefits already. You gain back your confidence and energy as it prepares you for a more intense bed scene and that means better orgasms.  It can also help you develop an awareness of the different bodily sensations.

• Other physical exercises – Having a fitness routine makes a difference in your sex life. There are other exercises that enhance sex lives like dance classes which can offer great workouts. Sports like swimming and those that involve kicking motion are beneficial as well.

• Sense of sight – Men love to be stimulated visually. Occasional wearing of kinky outfit or lingerie will surely make you hot. There are some women who might not be comfortable with this but trying to do it once in a while can do no harm. In return, you can also tell your partner to dress in a way that excites and most men don’t mind dressing up too.

• Sense of smell – There is this thing called pheromones, a natural smell produced during sex that your partner can definitely be attracted to so avoid smothering yourself with perfume but always practice good hygiene. Taking a shower is a common practice.

• Sense of hearing – Sounds contribute to great sex. Playing an instrumental or love songs can lead to a passionate sex. Be careful with bedroom talk and choose those that both of you are comfortable with.

• Communication – As with any relationship, communicating with your partner about how to improve your sex life is important. You may ask for some suggestions from other people but this may not work out. It’s about asking and suggesting directly to your partner on your likes and dislikes that you can truly achieve satisfying sex life.

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Are you giving it to her and if you are giving it to her, are you doing it right?!!! Not all women can orgasm through oral sex (cunnilingus); but for most women, it can drive them absolutely wild. If you can’t make her cum this way, it may not be her. You may not be doing it for her and she hasn’t felt comfortable to tell you. Every woman is different as to what exactly they like down there but regardless, it is a skill, an art if you will, that takes practice and patience to do it right.

Don’t rush. Take your time. Let her know you are enjoying yourself too. Naturally you don’t want her to fake an orgasm. If she has indicated that she can achieve orgasm this way, tease her with your tongue. Many women find the teasing a huge turn on; it’s almost like they think you are going to stop but don’t want you to kind of thing; gets their mind going. Orgasm is part physical and a lot of mind.

In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, chapter six is dedicated to pleasing a woman sexually. Rule number 19 is “pay attention and let her cum first”. It is no secret that it is easier for a man to cum than a woman; so gentlemen, relax and do just that. Your turn will come and you will be on the road to being a very good lover to her.

First time. Remember, every woman is different. You want to bring your “A” game to the bedroom (or wherever you have your first time together), but you don’t want to just start doing the same thing you always do or your standard operating procedures you used on your last girlfriend. Like I said earlier, not all women can cum orally. So make sure you get some clear indication that she wants you down there, otherwise, forget about it. You don’t want either of you coming away from your first mad passionate evening together disappointed about sex for the first time being “mediocre”. You may think, “Oh, it will get better”. But honestly, I don’t think it will. It can get better as you get to know each other of course, as you get to know what each other likes, and you start exploring each other’s kinky side if you have one. I am merely talking about if either of you think the sex was terrible. It would be really hard to go from terrible to “off the charts”. Bottom line; you want the first time to be off the charts.

Mix it up. If you have a clear sign that she wants you orally, kiss her body as you make your way down there, use your tongue, use your hands. Caress her breast, tease her; as your mouth gets closer, move back up and suck on her nipples. The anticipation of her feeling your mouth “down there”, will drive her wilder and wilder as the anticipation builds. Once your mouth touches her vaginal area, she will love it. Let her talk to you, let her guide you. Do not be offended if she tells you to slow down. As a matter of fact, just keep in mind that you should keep it slow. You don’t need to flip your tongue around like it’s on speed. It has nothing to do with you; it is all about her and how she needs to be sexually/orally pleased. There are things to do there that can add to her arousal which will eventually heighten her orgasm; kiss and suck on the inside of her legs near the vaginal area, massage the same area with your hands, slide one or two fingers in her vagina, massage her breast. Do any and all of these things while continuing to use your tongue on her. You don’t want to just focus on the clitoris either. Her entire area will want your mouth and tongue and of course, whether you have a long tongue or not, slide it into her. Don’t be afraid to slide your thumb in her. The angle works really well to stay close to her and if it’s long enough she can experience your tongue and penetration at the same time. It is also a very comfortable position for you (physically) and therefore you really won’t mind if this takes her a little longer to cum.

Hygiene and grooming habits. These topics can be uncomfortable subjects for most people. It really shouldn’t be. To avoid any issues, if you and your date have been out all evening, you know dinner, dancing, socializing etc., it is only natural that neither of you will be as fresh as you were when you first got out of the shower. There are a couple ways to deal with this prior to jumping into “it”. Whoever is hosting should tell their partner “hey, I’m going to take a quick spin in the shower”. The “spin” is just a quick wash up to freshen up. Usually the other person will follow suit. There is the optional “huggie” or “baby” wipes that I personally keep near the toilet. You can use these to freshen up the personal parts if you think it’s way too cold or complicated to deal with the shower spin. Trust me, you’ll both appreciate the effort.

I also recommend keeping extra new toothbrushes around to offer up. If you both have been eating and drinking for the last several hours, it certainly would not be fair to be the only “fresh” one just because you both ended up at your place.

As for grooming habits, obviously this varies from woman to woman and from male to male. All men and women should do some grooming in the hairy areas. Yes, men too. Who on earth wants to get down there and find a huge bush staring at them in the face??? If you do and that’s part of your kink, that’s fine, but one should not expect that your partner is going to like that you have a ton of hair there. So unless they ask you specifically not to shave or trim, do it. While we are talking about body hair, I will through this out there now. Gentlemen, if you have an unusual amount of back hair or even chest hair, you should groom it, wax it, or shave it- just FYI.

Final thoughts. Pleasing a woman orally can be an amazing experience for her and you should really want to please her that way if she can cum this way. Don’t just go through the motions either; learn to be good at it. I have talked to enough women to know that there are not a lot of men out there that do this well. So don’t be “common or ordinary”- learn to be good at pleasing her orally. Find out what she likes and give it to her; be committed to becoming a great lover.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

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