It is true that there are jerk men who feel the need to assuage their egos by carving notches in the bedposts.  If you are married to this kind of guy, my heartfelt concerns are for you.  These guys never get filled up because they lack self respect.

For the rest of you, the answer is easy;  satisfy his needs.

Almost all of you have had the fantasy about living happily ever after.  Too often that fantasy tends to be self centered where you see the “Prince Charming” sweeping you off of your feet and paying rapturous attention to you and pampering you and taking care of you.  In talking with my female clients, they never took into consideration what their responsibility was in taking care of the prince to maintain the happily ever after.

Men are really, really simple.  They have 3 basic needs, Respect, sex and food.  According to Dr. Harley of His Needs , Her Needs, he would also say recreational companionship.

Man’s number one need is respect and admiration.  Now we are living in a time of rampant MISANDRY.  I suggest that you look it up on Wikipedia, it does a good job of explaining it.  Basically it is reverse sexism towards men by women in our society.  You can see it in the commercials.  The man is portrayed as this helpless boob who has once again gotten himself and/or his family into trouble yet again.  Then the “heroic woman” swoops in to save the day, all the while tossing off sarcastic and condescending remarks to her husband.  You man needs your respect and admiration. He needs you to be his biggest cheerleader and he wants affirmation for how hard he tries to take care of you and the family.  If you don’t give him respect, he will look for it elsewhere.  You need to be his best friend and talk to him with respect at all times.

He also needs sex with you freely and lovingly given.  Men get the bulk of their affectional needs through sex with their wife.  Studies indicate that 60% of married women with children, inflict a starvation diet of sex once a week or less on their husbands.  Now we can all agree that no woman should be forced to have sex against her will.  What amazes me is the number of women who have no problem forcing her husband to do WITHOUT SEX AGAINST HIS WILL.  Trust me, this breeds real resentment towards the wife.  Every time he is forced to masturbate alone, it chips away at his affection for you and builds resentment.  He feels as though you took vows and violated them.  You vowed that he could have you and hold you. (euphemism for sex).  In fact the dictionary backs this up.  Look up the word unfaithful and it talks not only about cheating but being unfaithful to your vows to satisfy your mate. You need to give him sex freely and lovingly and also endeavor to give him the things that he asks for in bed.  I can help you to get over your turnoffs to certain activities through a series of exercises.  If you don’t give it, he will look elsewhere.

Now I have sympathy with young new mothers who feel exhausted.  It is easy to put your husband’s sexual needs at the bottom of your priority list.  AVOID THIS RELIGIOUSLY.  You need to always put your husband’s needs at the top of your priority list.  Make the relationship important and everything else falls in behind.  He will accept a quicky when you are tired and be very grateful.

Now I understand that a lot of your husbands are lousy in the sack.  This is because there is no school for sex that they can go to.  It is easy to reject his overtures when you are tired and he does not take care of your needs.  There is a solution for that.  I am a marriage, relationship and sexual coach. I can give you help.  I am also coming out with a book entitled: STOP HAVING LOUSY SEX.  Believe me, he will become a hero in the bedroom when I am done with him.  All you have to do is to drop me a line at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com and I will even give you a half hour complimentary session.

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Get “her” done. That is the modus operandi for far too many guys in the bedroom. Unfortunately, what it really means is get “it” done. Far too many of you don’t bother or worry about getting “her” done. This is because you don’t take the time to give her adequate foreplay time to achieve a maximum level of arousal. If you follow my suggestions, she will BRAG on you to all of her women friends and relatives. You will achieve a new found level of respect.

You can take my techniques and add your own. These suggestions are just designed to stir your imagination.

1. First of all, you have to stop thinking about getting yourself off, and decide that you want to follow the James Bond model of manhood insofar as spoiling women and pampering them. Women want to feel loved and cherished and not just getting laid.

2. Secondly, You can try by brushing her hair. Women love to have their hair brushed. Then progress to giving her a total body massage. Be sure to do her whole body from head to foot. Pay particular attention to her butt. She has nerve endings there that she does not even know that she has, all connected to her vagina. Also pay attention to her feet. All of her nerve endings come together in her feet.

3. Next, undress her SLOWLY. Let the anticipation build. She will enjoy being undressed by you. Don’t take off her bra and panties yet. Leave them on. Now start kissing her and caressing her all over avoiding her breasts and vagina. Stroke her hair, caress all around the erogenous zones.

4. Now start lightly stroking her nipples through her bra while continuing to kiss her. Stroke your finger just inside the cup and stroke all around. Then take off the bra slowly and start licking her breasts all over and then gently start sucking on them, gradually increasing the pressure as she is comfortable. Then, start kissing down her belly and stroking her lightly with your fingertips. Kiss and stroke down her belly past her vagina and do all the way down her thighs and calves. Come back the other side all the way back to her vagina. Remember her panties are still on. Put your mouth over her vagina and blow hot breath through her panties over her clitoris. Then insert a finger inside the leg band of her panties and stroke all around without touching her vagina. It will drive her wild!

5. Next, insert your finger inside the leg band of her panties and pull the crotch away to the side. Start licking between her vagina lips up an down. When you get to the top of her vagina, you give her clitoris a quick lick and go back to licking between her vagina lips. Then insert your tongue inside of her vagina. Stroke it in and out. She will be moaning and giving you encouragement at this point. You then begin licking her clitoris. Here is where you can really become a hero in the bedroom. You can gentle pull back the hood of her clitoris and directly lick the clitoris. You can then suck the clitoris between your lips and begin to suck on it like a woman performing fellatio on a man. The clitoris will actually become hard like a male penis and achieve an erection. You can give her an orgasm by giving her clitoris a blow job.

6. You can also use what I call the “machine gun tongue” technique. This is where you lick her clitoris with lightening fast motions to bring her to additional orgasms. You can do this by flexing your tongue against your upper lip and flick your tongue past it. By flexing your tongue against your upper you can actually flick your tongue faster for your partner’s pleasure.

7. Finally there is one more thing that you can do for fantastic foreplay. After having given your honey numerous orgasms, she will be begging you to take her. You can give her a real thrill. Hook your hand in the waist band of those panties and give one hard rip and literally rip her panties off. This will simultaneously scare her and excite her. Every woman has a secret rape fantasy. She does not really want to be raped but she wants to be taken forcefully and roughly by a self confident man. The key to using this fantasy, is that you want to make sure that she is highly aroused.

Go out and use this stuff. This is part of a chapter excerpt from my book. If you would like to know when it comes out, just send me an email to marriagecoach1@yahoo.com. If you want help with your relationship I will give you a free half hour consultation as well.

Anal cancer is thought to be associated with the human papilloma virus (HPV), which is sexually transmitted. As HPV rates rise and increasing numbers of people engage in anal sex (or at least talk about it more), it’s important to share information on how to protect against the virus. A US Center for Disease Control determined in 2005, that heterosexual anal intercourse is on the rise with 40% of men and 35% of women reporting they’ve engaged in it, compared to a quarter to a third of gay men, according to a British study.

Many teens engage in anal sex because they think it allows them to retain their virginity while eliminating the risk of pregnancy. The virginity argument can be debated endlessly; what’s clear is that unprotected heterosexual anal intercourse can lead to pregnancy when semen smears or drips or otherwise comes into contact with the vaginal opening.

Anal sex is a particularly easy way to transmit and acquire sexually transmitted infections because the tissues of the anus and rectum have no natural lubrication and are easily torn, thus providing entry points for bacteria and viruses. If you’ve had unprotected anal intercourse, ask your doctor about whether you should get an anal Pap test. It’s a simple swab that can determine the presence of abnormal cells. The jury is still out on who needs the test and if so, how often. Read more here. Of course, the best approach is to protect yourself beforehand, rather than hope for negative test results later.

Safe Anal Sex
Anal penetration with fingers, tongues, toys, dildos or penises should be preceded with a discussion of risk and should only be participated in with each partners’ consent. Condoms (male or female) should be used along with a generous amount of lubricant (Slippery Stuff is recommended). If you don’t have lube available, try olive oil, Crisco, or lots of saliva. The receptive partner (the person being penetrated) should control the pace of entry and movement. Add more lube as needed. If anything hurts, relax, breathe, lube up, and slow down. Or stop. You can always try again some other time.

For more information about anal sex, look for how-to books by Tristan Taormino and Bill Smart.

• Yoga – Practicing yoga gives you greater flexibility and better muscle tone. It can also offer physical benefits that can add up to a more fulfilling sexual relationship with your partner. Just the fact that yoga helps you reduce some weight can mean a lot of benefits already. You gain back your confidence and energy as it prepares you for a more intense bed scene and that means better orgasms.  It can also help you develop an awareness of the different bodily sensations.

• Other physical exercises – Having a fitness routine makes a difference in your sex life. There are other exercises that enhance sex lives like dance classes which can offer great workouts. Sports like swimming and those that involve kicking motion are beneficial as well.

• Sense of sight – Men love to be stimulated visually. Occasional wearing of kinky outfit or lingerie will surely make you hot. There are some women who might not be comfortable with this but trying to do it once in a while can do no harm. In return, you can also tell your partner to dress in a way that excites and most men don’t mind dressing up too.

• Sense of smell – There is this thing called pheromones, a natural smell produced during sex that your partner can definitely be attracted to so avoid smothering yourself with perfume but always practice good hygiene. Taking a shower is a common practice.

• Sense of hearing – Sounds contribute to great sex. Playing an instrumental or love songs can lead to a passionate sex. Be careful with bedroom talk and choose those that both of you are comfortable with.

• Communication – As with any relationship, communicating with your partner about how to improve your sex life is important. You may ask for some suggestions from other people but this may not work out. It’s about asking and suggesting directly to your partner on your likes and dislikes that you can truly achieve satisfying sex life.

I highly value sexuality education — some people need help figuring out how to work around arthritic joints, pelvic pain, disabilities, pregnant bellies, or hip replacements. And I’ve consulted with people new to the game who wanted ideas about sexual possibilities prior to having partnered sex for the first time.

But wouldn’t it be great if everyone without specific health concerns felt free to toss out the manuals and enjoy the process of experimenting? After all, it shouldn’t matter whether you know the name “Reverse Cowgirl” if you already enjoy the woman-on-top-facing-her-partner’s-feet position.

The U.S. is one of the most sexually conservative Western cultures in the world, despite our highly sexualized media. As a result of this conservatism, we have distressingly high rates of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection. Shame, embarrassment, poor body image and performance anxiety are a nasty mix that keeps people from fully enjoying their sexuality. The concerns people express to me often relate to issues like these: “How do I know if I’m doing it right?” “How can I tell if my partner enjoys what I’m doing?” “If I don’t orgasm every time, will my partner stop trying?” “How can I get my partner to…?” “Do women really like that position where we…?”

In most cases, the answers can be found through experimentation. If you do A, and your partner moans with delight, you can bet you’re “doing it right.” If you and your partner talk during lovemaking – or at a neutral time before or after – you’ll learn the answers to the other questions. A playful attitude can go a long way, too. If you’ve always wanted to try having sex standing against a wall, go for it! You just need a partner and a wall – you’ll figure out the mechanics once you take your height differential into account and face each other, then both face the wall, or support a leg on a nearby chair, or not. You get my point. Sex position drawings can give you a hint of what’s possible: The rest is up to you, your partner, your creativity, and at times, your flexibility.

Toss out the shoulds, the oughts, and the doubts, and focus on what feels good for both of you. If a new position feels awkward, shift your weight, move your limbs differently, lean forward or back…and if it still doesn’t turn you on, chalk it up as a position that just doesn’t interest you, at least for now. If a position causes either of you to feel pain other than a little strain from stretching unfamiliar muscles, visit your doctor because painful intercourse can be a sign of potentially serious health problems.