It’s no secret that men and women are very different when it comes to sex and what it takes to become aroused. Women often need to feel an emotional connection, or at least a sense of romance before they are interested in pursuing physical intimacy with a man. Then there is the cuddling, kissing, and tickling of foreplay to get things “warmed up.”

For a guy it is more like a light switch, you just give them a bit of attention and they are ready to go. Often times a man doesn’t really care for the foreplay, and in a marriage it can even become aggravating if he always has to put a lot of effort into something he could take care of himself in a few minutes. Yes, by take care of it, I mean masturbation,which is completely healthy until it is replacing sex in your marriage.

When one partner is no longer being satisfied, it begins a very dangerous spiral. If a man is not being satisfied physically, he will not feel obligated to satisfy his partner. When neither partner is being satisfied, it inevitably causes wandering eyes in a search for someone new who can provide this pleasure.

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Oli Asked:

“Here is the situation, about 3 months ago, i met a girl in a night club, after we were introduced by a mutual friend. There we danced and kissed for over an hour, we traded phone numbers, then went our seperate ways. We live over 200 miles apart, so we only met again 2 months later, after i asked her if she would like to go out sometime, to which she agreed. She came down as she was visiting her friend for a night out and invited me out. That night, we kissed several times whilst in a night club, before we went back to a friends flat, and fell asleep together on the sofa.We both used any excuse for physical contact, e.g sitting as close as possible to each other, holding hands, hugging and cuddling. Now we’re texting more reguarly, but i have always sent the first next, never her. Now i wont see her again until the beginning of august (when she is coming down next to visit her friend). I have asked if she would like to go out again, to which she hasn’t given me a yes or no, just a ‘we could do’ kind-of-response.
Sorry about the background, but i have a few questions:
1) i want to ask her to be my girlfriend as i’m sure there is real potential for a relationship, but would it be too soon?
2) i was planning to text, as waiting to ask face to face(which i am actually comfortable with) may be too long to wait as im worried she may meet somebody else in the 2 months or so until i see her again- is texting really a bad idea considering?
3)why does she never text me first?
4) do i sound too clingy/desperate ( in a bad way)?
p.s sorry for the essay but if i havent made anything clear just ask. also im 19 and this would be my first relationship. I dont want to mess this up.”

- Oli (19)

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Sam Asked:

“Does she like me?
Okay so I met this girl about 1 month back through a friend at a party. We exchanged numbers and have stayed in contact everyday since then. We have hung out a few times up until she left for the summer a couple weeks back, 2 of the times it was just me and her and she asked one of those times. Except for one 1 hour phone call that she made, we have just been texting as our form of communication. The things that I think suggest she likes me are: We became friends very quickly as she has met allot of people and only a few of them does she try to have a friendship with, she has taken a big interest in the things I am interested in, I have a pet snake and she has always been interested in them but has feared holding them and she worked up the courage with me to eventually try it, she doesn’t seem like a big flirt and I have experienced major flirts before, but she isn’t even when drinking and yet did do a bit of flirting with me a couple times, she is hours away temporarily and one late night asked me to come keep her company, it was obviously a joke because we are so far but still, another thing she said was one night she had a few drinks and went home and said that we should cuddle, again a joke because of the distance but still flirting, when I am sick or hurt she hopes I get better, we have learned allot about each other, when we were hanging out before she left we would stand really close to each other where ever we were sometimes bumping into each other and she didn’t mind, a couple times there has been playful touching, I rock climb and one night she asked me when i was going to take her climbing so we now are going to be doing that this summer. she asked for my opinion on a piercing, suggested something she thought would look good on me, and most of the time she is the first one to text me that day.

What do you think? I think the signs are good, I am just scared I might just be misinterpreting her just being a friend. Though I haven’t had the same connection with a girl that is just a friend before. yes most of our talk is through text, but it is still better then nothing.

Thank you for your opinion”

- Sam (20, Canada)

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Liia Asked:

“Lately I have been thinking that there probably is something I do wrong when communicating with men. And I have not really figured out what is it.

I am 33 year old woman and now single again after 4 year relationship. I have had couple of relationships before. Now I am trying to meet new men, although I am not desperate about finding someone. But for some reason even dating does not go the way I was hoping.
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Whatisgoingon Asked:

“i like this girl very much. we’ve been friends for almost 3 years now. i have always liked her but didnt really do anything about it. most of the times shes got a boyfriend. we’ve been casual friends all along. we dont hang out much but we do text every once in a while. so lately shes been single and we hung out a lil more. dinner and movies.i cant really tell if shes comfortable and having fun with me or shes just being nice(shes a nice person to everyone).we text quite alot now. i really cant tell if shes interested romantically or she just wants to be friends..(usually i can tell with other ppl). its just we’ve known each other for so long and i dont want to ruin the friendship that we have now by asking her. is there anyway i can know or find out if shes interested in me in that way?”

- Whatisgoingon (24, Singapore)

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Jordan Asked:

“This girl was giving me a lot of signs that she likes me (which you can read in my other questions if you like) but a few days ago she told another guy in our class to come and apply at her work so I asked her on msn if her job had openings or if it was someone else I was thinking of and she said her job wasn’t hiring even though I know this is false because I heard her tell her friend about a week ago that they were hiring and I definitely heard her tell the other guy there was an opening so it is clear in my opinion that she didn’t want me around even though I’d catch her looking at me then quickly looking away a few times, fixing her hair around me, asking me how I felt after I got sick at a party, etc. Also today when I came to my locker her and her friend were talking and as soon as I got their they left but it didn’t sound like they were talking about me and in class if her and the other guy and I are talking and I say something she usually won’t acknowledge it but I did ask her a question about a movie we were watching and she responded to it and a follow-up question? Do you think she might like the other guy and that’s why she asked him to come work with her? Btw the guy already has a job so he said no. Is it possible i’m looking into this too much or is my hope of going out with her gone?
Also when I said I saw her at the job while I was walking my dog she said she didn’t see me even though I know she did because I saw her look in my direction but she was smiling as she told me she works there but sometimes she’ll ignore me if I say hi. Is it possible she doesn’t want to work with me because she’s not sure if I like her back? Also if I ask her a question like ” can you hand me that” she will do it for me or answer my question non-smiling but if I say something that is not me wanted something like “hey did I see you at ___ yesterday?” she’ll respond smiling. Yesterday I saw her take glances in my direction about 3 times today in class but I can’t be sure if it was me or not and I doubt she would do this because I sit across from her (there is an aisle separating us) and when she and I were called to go to another teachers room some of the guys were like “Yes man!” as if to say “way to go buddy” because we were being called down together and I heard her friend tease her about it and she was laughing a bit and smiling as he walked away. Also if I’m around her she won’t start a conversation but we don’t know each other very well and we aren’t friends and when we were hanging around each other at a school event it was almost like she was ignoring me but I don’t know if that is because she is to shy to start a conversation with someone she doesn’t know especially with friends around. Do you think she likes me? We are both 17 turning 18 and she is a shy girl.”

- Jordan (17)

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Marie Asked:

“I’m a senior in high school and he’s a sophomore. We became close friends through traveling to competitions together. He’s not a shy person and we’re very comfortable with one another. I like him a lot and even considered asking him to my senior prom but I never did because I’m a shy type. Last week, my friend asked him to go to prom with me (without my permission). He told her he can’t because his parents will not let him. Two days ago, she decided to tell me what happened and I freaked out. I was so embarrassed. So, I chatted with him on FB and apologized for the awkwardness and said that I was planning on going stag with a group of friends. He said it’s fine but he’s been ignoring me and avoiding eye contact lately at school. Why is he acting this way? What should I do?”

- Marie (19)

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Dan asked:

When I’m out with my friends, and I notice someone I want to talk to who is surrounded by her friends, I get kind of nervous and don’t know what to say. I tend to shy away from women who seem a little more closed off, even if they are the ones I really want to talk to. Do women unintentionally shy away from talking to someone new, even if they are open to connecting with someone? Do your readers have any advice for me, or do they feel the same way?

Hi Dan,

Happy to help! Starting an intimate relationship involves several factors; setting an intention, attraction, availability, and then making contact. I think if we address the first few the last one will be far easier to navigate.

Attraction & setting intention: Sounds like you want to connect, and while you’re attracted to the more closed-off types you end up talking with the women who are open and warm. So the real question is: How do I connect with women who don’t seem open and approachable?

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There you are, in line at the grocery store when a very attractive person brushes up against you accidentally…or so you think. How can you be sure? You can’t right away, so you look again and try and make eye contact this time. First, to see if what you thought you saw was an attractive person, and then next (if you still think so), to see if the brush might have been deliberate. But how can you tell with a look? Maybe they were off-balance, or the person behind them bumped into them, or maybe they are nearsighted and left their glasses in the car. Before you make another move, I know you realize a lot is at stake here; what you do (or don’t do) in the next 30 seconds could change your life…forever.

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