“I recently started hanging out with this guy from work who just got out of a 2 year relationship (first love) and was dating someone way below his intelligence level. We’ve hung out a few times, and make out everytime we hang out. We’ve almost gone all the way, but haven’t. He says he enjoys my company, looks at me constantly at work, and goes out of his way to talk to or look at me, and also jokes about us doing some pretty serious things together. He seems to be pretty attached to me, but has made it clear that we can only be “just friends” yet he says I’m everything he wants in a partner. Does he just want to be friends with benefits or something more?”

- Marki (22, Carlisle, OH)

“Hi, I am a girl (19) and I just wanted to know if this is considered cheating.

My boyfriend went to a tennis match and it was a over night event. His friend invited girls and they all drank alcohol. My boyfriend got really thirsty and he continued drinking the alcohol. He became really drunk and ended up sleeping beside a girl when everybody went to sleep. He scooted closer to her and she did, too. She put his arms around her and she snuggled on him when his eyes were closed. After a minute or less/more, he moved away. She kissed his cheek and ear. She asked him to kiss her on her forehead, and he did. When she tried to kiss his lips or hold his hands, he felt really guilty at the point and looked away, saying “no!”. When she asked him if kiss on the lips was prohibited and he said “no” again and moved away from her. When he woke up, he felt really guilty and confessed to me (crying) that day when he came back.

The thing is, he loves snuggling and he actually “wanted” to snuggle with her. He also felt really close with her when they were talking. Is this cheating and should I stay with him?”

- Megumi (19, Tokyo, Japan)

“Need bottom-line opinions…

Basically, I’m on exchange in Switzerland as a latin american student coming from a Swedish University. Since the first night of my ongoing party week here (kind of a freshman week), I met a cute German girl who also comes on exchange from a Swedish uni. I have to say that I am a really good looking guy used to superficial hookups; Yea, one night-stands, and I’m not proud of it. I’m just used to get drunk and keep it simple, but for some reason, this girl added me on facebook, talks to me all the time, and invites me to events (again, a busy party introduction week in this small Swiss town).

The thing is that I fancy her a lot and have seen her a few times but everytime we go out she will just dance with me and not seal the deal. I’m not used to this. At least, I’m used to totally the opposite. I asked some of my close girlfriends and they said it’s because she wants something serious with me. I mean, second night I saw her, she totally called me and we went home together after the bar and slept together without anything, not even kissing. I thought, ‘well, okay, it’s sweet, I’ve met other conservative, easy going German/studious girls’, but we’ve gone out a few other times and it’s going SO SLOWLY.

Not that I’m needy or that I wanna push it but I’ve left a few other girls standing aside when I could’ve hooked up with them or at least noticed their interest. Especially last night, I could’ve brought some Swiss girls to afterparty but I decided to manage with this special one.

So, in one of my drunken states, I told her the truth, that I am starting to get bored at this friendship because we are both on exchange and supposed to be having fun. I also told her that her way of letting this happen is too slow for my liking and that I am also considering letting it as it is, just friendship, mostly because I like her but also because I cannot keep on going like this. She kinda got mad and thoughtful, emotional/weepy which totally broke my heart, but at the same time, every time we go out it’s like she makes space to talk to everybody about everything. I don’t wanna say she’s a little naive so that she gets distracted with every single conversation with strangers but at least, from what I am used to with other girls, those other ones will usually not really talk to other strangers, especially guys at bars about dumb stuff.

Not that I’m jealous but when you are someone like me used to the simple stuff, and you have a really slow courtship with a girl that is either too conservative or not just not that into you, then it’s just confusing and you wonder if it’s just better to keep playing a safer field. I just can’t feel when it’s right to make the strong move on her.

So the question is, do you think I am being insecure and inpatient or is she just maybe not that into me/not into starting a relationship?

For now, after our last serious talk this weekend, I have decided to kind of ignore her and not show her that I’m needy or whatever. I am most certain that I’ll see her in the week so maybe then things will clear up. I just wish she’d just made it simpler.”

- Pablo (24)

“So here is my dilemma, I have been married for 4 years and our relationship is not perfect but for the most part it has been great, except for my wifes low sex drive, she seems to enjoy it when we do have sex but does not want it for months on end, she is 27 yrs old. The other problem i have is with her lesbian co-worker who clearly has a crush on her, and my wife loves to hang out with her and her other work friends, also i am never invited. It always seems that hanging out with this group of friend is always the highest on her list, for example the oher day she came back from a 3 day conference and the same evening she tells me she wants to hang out with those friends ( they were not at the conference) I tell her i rather have here with me, she tells me i can come too but obviously does not mean that, and when i put my foot down she still goes. Now this causes a huge fight, when we start talking about it, she finally says that she wants to hang out with these people by herself, i ask her why can i not be invited and maybe they can be our mutual friend, she has no answer, just keeps repeating these i my friends and if u were with me then it would not be the same. I have had no problems with this in the past with her other girl friends she having girls night etc. But with this group of people it is a no no, Makes me even more suspicious about the nature of her relationship with her lesbian friend. She assures me there is nothing going on and that she is not interested in girls, but when push comes to shove she always goes to bat for her over me!! Please tell me i am not crazy for thinking what I am thinking. Also I should mention that they usually hang out at a friends house, not the lesbian friend’s but another guy from the group. Also i recently lost my job so I have been home a lot. Also i did read her text messages from this lesbian girl and they were very flirty when i asked her about this she said she is like this with everyone, and now has started deleting all her texts from her.
Please help me, i need to know if there is anything going on here and should i be worried in her sudden need for exclusiveness.”

- Confused (31)

“In 2006 I met a guy called Rich he had a brother (Mario) that lived next to me and I thought he was cute. I told rich i know you brother he lives around my home. eventually I met (mario) he had a girl. but we slept together anyways. I was on the rebound at the time. after that time it never happen again. now 2010 I meet Rich for the 1st time. it was a connection we felt it. but i know is wrong to want to date the brother now, I think it would not be right morally, we start getting to know each other. Rich knows what happen between me and his brother and at 1st I’m sure he wanted to just sleep with me till he got to know me. So about a few weeks ago we hit it off we took it there. we were intimate it was great, wonderful etc. I really like him he said that with his brother situation in the middle things would be difficult but he knew this from the beginning but got intimate anyways. after that happen we have been in contact by phone only but have not seen each other. He told me would i deal with him if the tables were turn. I said I didn’t know. Someone told me in order for that to work between Rich & you he has to ask the Brother Mario for his OK. b/c that will always haunt him the fact that you and his brother were intimate even if it was only one time. I want to know why would he keep contact with me even after what happen between us everyday he says Good morning to me. I like him a lot but I am confused. and i know this is not right but, why continue to give hope to something that might never be. Can he just be trying to be nice about it even though he looks like a jerk anyway.”

- Gina (35, Bronx, NY)

My husband was still parking the car when the man exactly next to me exclaimed “You’ve got to check this out!” Of course I looked; his not-so-subtle tenor demanded it like a bull horn. I sat there, curious to see what the heck all the hoopla was about, and watched mesmerized while he took his first two fingers and spread the image on his iPhone, exposing (to my horror) some woman’s vaj to his friends. Of course my jaw dropped open and I looked away; Did I really just see what I think I saw? I looked back in disbelief. There it was, now even closer. The guy was waving it around like a first-place ribbon. His two friends seemed stoked with this display of raunch, lust, and desire, and reached for their phones to rustle up their own pics. I think part of me was shocked because these guys looked like men, grown men over 45, well dressed and, I would have imagined, well educated. If I had only heard them I would have guessed they were 12 years old.

OMG, I say to myself…what the? That’s when my husband walked in. He sat down and we started to talk, but honestly I couldn’t stop listening to this crap on the other side of me. I filled him in about what I just observed and he didn’t believe me, Okay, he thought at minimum I was exaggerating…which, okay, sometimes I do, but in this case I didn’t need to. And I saw his point. Who would believe it if someone told you that three grown, married men were passing pictures of women they have humped or wanted to hump back and forth like pubescent twelve-year-olds who just got a hold of their first Playboy magazine?

I tried to drop it but it just kept getting worse, and louder! (No, they were not drunk. They were casually drinking…good wine, I might mention.) I was starting to get physically uncomfortable and disgusted. One of the married guys (two were married, one was divorced) was gloating about how this babe he f’ed in high school was trying to connect with him on Facebook, and while he was showing his friends some half-naked pic he asked them if, by the way, they would want to fher too. The other guy started whizzing through his FB account to find a pic of the gal he had just f-ed the night before, and then after he showed her off he fingered through his other “friends” on FB to find the pic of the one he claimed he was about to f tonight. This, my husband heard.

When I got up to use the ladies room (in which I wanted to vomit), my husband overheard them discussing the affectionate names they have come up with for all this f-ing: He reported when I returned: Two women in one night, a double. Two women on a Friday, then two women on a Saturday night a double-double, and so on. Apparently a double triple was the crowning achievement; something none of them could admit to but all three pathetically aspired to.

Look, it’s one thing to kiss and tell another to hump and advertise. It’s just bad form, really. And a while most of us have done some crazy/foolish stuff, publicly disrespecting women at any age is unacceptable and is personally where I draw the line. Partially because I have not yet met a married woman—never mind a married person—that I believe would ever want to know that their partner held them in such low regard.

So naturally I did what anyone would in my position would: I stood up, gallantly took three steps towards my evening bag, plunged my hand in and grabbed my phone. Then I gracefully yet deliberately turned around, leaned into them all and…took their picture. Seeing as they were such big fans of voyeurism I thought they might appreciate that. Now they know in the back of their minds that there are people like me lurking about, hoping to as lovingly but fiercely as possible take a stand for RESPECT and announce with equal candor where and when it needs to be displayed.

No one would dare kid themselves that lust and desire does not visit us all from time to time, yet we do have a choice as adults (one definition in the U.S. of the end of puberty, sadly, is “Persons over forty”) of how we control such impulses. It’s time to put a stop to this vulgar energetic malevolence towards our women, the feminine in us all, and I say now is the time for some respect.

So instead of haphazardly hanging our dirty laundry in public, choose public places that are more conducive like…say the gutter or a strip club. Or at least try to be mindful that you are indeed in a public place and not everyone might share your taste for the maligned.

So there you have it; an absolute rant, albeit from my heart. Would love to hear your thoughts and, as I mentioned, especially what you would do if one of these men were your husband?

Now don’t worry all the stories still have the same thing in common… loving women…it’s all about finding that special someone in our lives. Whether it is destined to last forever and other’s lasting for what only seems like stolen moments. We might call them by different names but we all hope to find the yin to our yang. The counterpart that just fits and makes it seem like this is the person; I’ve been waiting for my whole life.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought of a romantic interest as a zebra, so let me explain my thought process to you dear reader. All my life I have searched for the elusive femme of my dreams, a strong, independent, sexy lady confident in who she is and who is ultimately searching for her butch counter-part. A lipstick femme who revels in who she is, loving her make-up, clothes, sexy heels and all the other accoutrements that bring butches like myself to our knees.

So hence reader’s, I’ve come to call these precious femmes, who wear and love their heels with total abandon…zebras. Well really not all women but just one very special lady who has marked my heart and soul so much that she epitomes the femme of my dreams and I began calling her the zebra in my heart.

I first met Elise more than 3 years ago, but I had just starting dating another lady all though it was a long distance relationship. So for several reasons though she and I clicked, I did not pursue my interest in Elise. I introduced her to a friend and lost track of her…lost but not forgotten. So here we fast forward to year ago when I finally caught sight of her again. I came into the neighborhood bar one night after work and had recently ended the 2 year long distance relationship that slowly deteriorated into a once a month booty call.
I sat at the bar and ordered a beer; it was karaoke night so there were quite a few people out, as I looked around the bar who do I spot but Elise sitting across the bar, it was as if lighting struck when she looked my way and waved hello. Such an incredibly beautiful sight that I felt as if I had been struck by one of cupid’s arrows as I fell in love with her at first sight. We talked across the bar saying how good it was to see each other again. I instantly went to her side taking up where we left off so many years ago. She looked amazing, flawless make-up, sexy low cut shirt and let’s not forget the delicious heels, the total package that made my heart skip a beat…the elusive femme.

But unfortunately she was not there alone, I thought to myself of all the luck. She introduced me to her friend and when I went to shake her hand she looks me up and down…”Oh I know who you are Gina” and left me hanging there with my hand outstretched. I quickly apologized for intruding and worked my way back to the other side of the bar to stare at Elise from a distance. I tried not to be so obvious and pretended to be watching the karaoke singers.

I could not keep my eyes off of her and watched her for the next hour, when suddenly I saw her friend go out the front door. I thought to myself here’s my chance, so I walked over to her with my phone number in hand asking her to call me. I asked about her friend and of course I asked Elise, if she was single? Her response was “Yes, I’m single, I just got out of a relationship and this lady is really just a friend.” As I stared into her eyes they sparkled as brilliantly as the night sky, with the promises of many more tomorrows. I found myself so drawn to her, that in another instant I would have kissed her. The return of her friend stopped what could have happened and I said my good-byes hoping she would call me soon. As I walked out the bar, I thought to myself “damn it”; I didn’t ask her for her number so I hoped beyond hope that she felt the same electricity as I had?

She was all I could think about and if I had another opportunity I surely would not have hesitated in kissing her. I kept going back to the bar every night in hopes of catching her again and making sure that next time, I would not leave without her number. A couple of months go by and I thought about what I could have I done to change things? When one day out of the blue I get a call from her, I was at work so she left me her name and number with a message to call her. You better believe that I returned her call in record time.
“Hi Gina, this is Elise, you remember me, you gave me your number at the bar about 2 months ago? I was there on karaoke night with my friend. Give me a call when you can maybe we can go out for drinks?” Hearing her silky voice, my heart skipped a beat.

I took a deep breath and called her back, she picked up after only a couple of rings…” Hi Elise, of course I remember you. I thought I’d never hear from you, especially since I left the bar without your number that night. Yes absolutely let’s go out for drinks, how about lunch? My brother’s coming into town maybe I could see you this evening.” I found myself hopelessly rambling…

“Well Gina I just found your number when I was organizing my files so I wanted to call and say Hi. Uh, I don’t know about meeting your family already, we haven’t even talked.”

I could just picture her holding the phone from her ear wondering why I was rambling the way I was. I could sense I was about to lose another opportunity and thought to myself, breathe Gina slow down.

“I’m sorry Elise; let’s meet for drinks tonight or tomorrow and we’ll go from there” as I held my heart stopped as I wait for her response.

“Ok Gina, we’ll meet at the bar tomorrow about 2pm for drinks.” My heart began to beat again.

“Sounds great I look forward to seeing you then” as I hung up the phone, I held my head in my hands wondering she must have thought I sounded crazy, going on and on the way I did. Luckily I would be seeing her in less than 24hrs, I was on cloud nine.

Stayed tuned for the next installment of “The Zebra in My Heart” Until then have faith, the next adventure is just around the corner. You can contact at HelloMsHeartbreak@yahoo.com

“i have female friend who has been acting strange lately…i ask her whats wrong and she says she is going thru some things and everybody wants something from her,but im the only one who doesnt want anything from her…i feel like she is trying to tell me something,,,she is involved with someone and so im i !”

- Tyrone (49, Jeffersonville, IN)

“Im interested in this woman. we’ve ben hanging out for like a year now, but just as friends. I asked her if she was interested, and she said “as a friend.” How do i exit friend zone? and enter Boyfriend zone…”

- Perice (20, Lansing MI)

“Is she likes me? I know that I do.

Ok. There is one girl who is my coworker whom I work with everyday until late night. I know her for about a month. She seem like exceptional friendly to me and she occasionally the first one to offer me a helping hand with thing that I do not know (since im a new guys in the company). We also occasionally locking eye while talking. We laugh at things we talk sometimes she has a big smile on it. While talking in a group of people she occasionally looking at me when she is talking. Just recently, I notice that accidentally touching is more frequent than the first few week I meet her. There is one time we chat in “msn”, she seem like dont mind im asking her family thing.

I need to know how can I proceed from here.

It is very hard to get her out even on a drink or something because of her huge work load.

I do not want to disturb her during the weekend as she only can rest during this time and have fun with her friends.

The only thing I can do now is sometimes I try to share her burden and stay with her until she finish her job. I’ve also chat with her to release her stress

Please advice!!”

- John (25)