Dan asked:

When I’m out with my friends, and I notice someone I want to talk to who is surrounded by her friends, I get kind of nervous and don’t know what to say. I tend to shy away from women who seem a little more closed off, even if they are the ones I really want to talk to. Do women unintentionally shy away from talking to someone new, even if they are open to connecting with someone? Do your readers have any advice for me, or do they feel the same way?

Hi Dan,

Happy to help! Starting an intimate relationship involves several factors; setting an intention, attraction, availability, and then making contact. I think if we address the first few the last one will be far easier to navigate.

Attraction & setting intention: Sounds like you want to connect, and while you’re attracted to the more closed-off types you end up talking with the women who are open and warm. So the real question is: How do I connect with women who don’t seem open and approachable?

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Spring is a time for renewal. So why not renew our relationship as we leave the cold winter behind us? There are many fantastic ways to spark romance and intimacy in your relationship; below I have revealed 4 of my favorite ones. They are simple, inexpensive and virtually guaranteed to bring back that lovin’ feeling – whether it is gone, gone, gone, hanging by a thread, or desperate for a fresh breath of creativity or new life!

1. Romantic Date Idea – If you’ve been dating or married for a while, having a romantic date night is sure to bring back the spark. Send the kids to a friend’s house for a sleepover or spend the night at a hotel (my personal favorite, wink). “Hotel dates” are romantic because they seem to add an element of seduction. Whether at home or in a hotel, kick it up a notch and play some games like role-playing or pretending you are strangers. Be creative – this is fun – believe me!

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Kylie Asked:

“I need help coming up with ideas for my long distance relationship. My current problem is figuring out what to do in an all day Skype video call.

My boyfriend and I have never met in person, He lives in Canada while I’m in the U.S. We’ve known one another for almost 6 years, and started ‘dating’ 2 and a half years ago. I can’t say I trust anyone more than I trust him. We’re the same age, both just turning 17 within the past few months, but we’ve never tried to… “sext” or “cyber.”

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There you are, in line at the grocery store when a very attractive person brushes up against you accidentally…or so you think. How can you be sure? You can’t right away, so you look again and try and make eye contact this time. First, to see if what you thought you saw was an attractive person, and then next (if you still think so), to see if the brush might have been deliberate. But how can you tell with a look? Maybe they were off-balance, or the person behind them bumped into them, or maybe they are nearsighted and left their glasses in the car. Before you make another move, I know you realize a lot is at stake here; what you do (or don’t do) in the next 30 seconds could change your life…forever.

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Jasmine Asked:

“Should you always wait for a guy to call you and invite you to hang out? I keep hearing how you should always wait for them so you seem “not too available” but it seems like they would get tired of that. Thanks!”

- Jasmine (19, Laguna beach, California)

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The enemy of a great relationship is complacency. It begins so innocently. You forget how attractive, funny or caring your honey is because you’re together all the time. You get wrapped up in your “stuff” and forget to do the little, day-to-day things that make your sweetheart aware of your love. You forget how good life feels because you picked someone amazing and the lottery win of being picked back. Before you know it, you reach the relationship expiration date— the day one of you wakes up and thinks, “What am I doing here?”

The antidote to complacency is dating. Unfortunately, many couples stop dating once the deal is struck. Continuing to date after marriage or committing to a life partnership, however, is critical to keeping the ooh-la-la factor alive IF you do it right. Here’s how:

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There are literally hundreds, if not hundreds of thousands of ways we can behave, things we can do that could be considered loving. Yet it is from where the gesture comes that distinguishes the loving act from the empty gesture.

What good, for example, is it if you hold your tongue in an argument, wanting credit for displaying self-control or hoping to get some payoff (like sex), while ultimately you have contempt for your partner and find their behavior regularly intolerable? Very little, it turns out!

If your goal is to display your love or affection my suggestions are these:

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How responsible communication can lead to a great Valentine’s Day!

Rob, 35 Huntington Beach, CA, asked Maryanne:

Last year my wife flipped out when I bought her lingerie for Valentine’s Day. The truth is, I still don’t know why. She just got angry and said “Isn’t it obvious?” and that was it. Any advice on what I get her this year that won’t set her off (and that we both can enjoy), which is what I thought the point of Valentine’s Day was?

Maryanne’s answer:

Rob, that’s a great question. Some guys might have just blown it off and thought, Hmmm, maybe this year I’ll get her some lingerie in a different color. Sounds like you’re guessing that is not the answer, unless you like being told off and sexually frustrated.

In terms of what you can get, you need to get clear on what both your expectations are about Valentine’s Day, and the more explicit the better. Because likely her reaction last year is not only a symptom of what’s really going on but has now had a chance to fester, becoming a resentment for you both that is like poison in a relationship. So, getting clarity is what should be first on your list!

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Date night. You know it’s good for your relationship. You want to. You mean to. But, darn it, you’re busy with a house to run, bills to pay, bosses to please, projects to complete, kids to care for—and on and on. Add the unexpected—sick kids, car problems, leaking pipes—and it’s hard to find the time to even grab a cup of coffee together. But think of it this way: that laundry list of responsibilities and worries shouldn’t be what stands in your way, it should also be what fuels you. It should be what lights a fire under your collective butts to come together as a couple, without distraction, even if only for a couple of hours a week. Those excuses? They’re nonsense. Let’s take a closer look:

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