There are key points in life that can bring happiness into your life.  The following are what I would call the “key three”.

I often ask myself this when I hear the ridiculous question or statements that people say to each other; whether it be your spouse, fiancée, mother, sister, brother, friend, etc.  You know what I am talking about too.  You just wake up, you feel horrible; perhaps coming down with the flu, you didn’t sleep well and as you walk into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, your husband says, “Good morning. Oh, honey, you look sick”.  Hmmm, just what you wanted to hear, right???  Why couldn’t he have just said “good morning” and leave it at that??

As I go about my day, it doesn’t matter where I am; The bus ride to or from work, the elevator, waiting in line at the post office or in line waiting to pay for a cup of coffee, it is an endless parade of verbal, pointless statements.  It makes me want to scream.  I encourage all of you reading this to start being aware of this with respect to your words and encourage you to either say something worth saying or be silent.  I am not particularly religious but have studied many dogmas.   Buddhism is one of my favorites, although quite difficult to maintain the principles and doctrines living in the mainstream world.  Probably why Buddhist monks live high in the Tibetan mountains!

Practice silence- I am guilty of blurting out whatever is on my mind.  Sometimes I think it is a mild case of Tourette syndrome (an inherited disorder of the nervous system, characterized by a variable expression of unwanted movements and noises.  Make an effort to stop words and actions when possible.  Start with restraining your thoughts to comment to your partner, friend, or co-worker about something they did or said.  Refrain from commenting negatively on their looks, behavior, or attitude.  Begin to perpetuate positive energy rather than negative.  Silence can do this by stopping your negative thoughts, words, actions.

Putting “silence” into practice is not easy.  It takes conscious effort and work, but the rewards can be great.  You can create better relationships by allowing others to “be” without casting words on them.  Begin a practice of no words by consciously choosing to not commenting about anything during a given period of time.  If you slip up, just recognize it and continue; whether it is for an hour or two hours, just start doing it.  Practice on your partner, friends, family, and co-workers.

Moving toward happiness- I know we all do it. We often blame others for our lack of happiness; often expecting someone else to make us happy too.  It’s a futile path.  As the Buddhist state, happiness comes from within, not without (meaning from inside of us not from some external thing).  If you put your partner down, blame them, argue relentlessly with them because of something they are doing or not doing, you are creating your own unhappiness.   One of my favorite books, “I’d Rather Be Right Than Happy- A Perfect Formula for Failure”, by Dr. Teresa M. Benjamin, details the ideology of blaming others for your lack of happiness and how to create your own formula for happiness.

Human purpose- One theory of human existence and why we are here is to love and be loved, learn life lessons, and awaken.  That’s a whole lot of “stuff”.  To not be aware of your purpose can lead to unhappiness and discontent in everything you do.  If you constantly complain that you are unhappy with your marriage, hate your job, or despise where you live, and do not do anything about it, then you have no one to “blame” (if that’s what you are looking for) but yourself.  Often events happen to steer us in the direction that we need to go.  Instead of looking at it negatively, find the positive in an event.  These events can help you find your purpose in life.  Sometimes it may be something that you have never thought of before; just let it in.  If you are struggling and know you are suppose to be doing something else and need some help, check out Eckhart Tolle’s newest book, “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.   It can open your eyes to the things that you have not been able to get a handle on

Final thoughts- You have the power to be happy right at your fingers.  You can have better relationships with others and yourself if you begin to be aware of what you are doing, saying, and thinking.  No one else can make you happy.  So remember to practice silence, move towards happiness, and find your purpose; keys to your own happiness by your own doing!

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women.

Be sure and sign up for my mailing list to get an invite to the “hottie” party at Robbie411.com

“The scariest thing I have ever done was what someone else wanted me to do.”
LoVe LuCy

We can claim that we are striving to make our way to success. We can think of, in our minds, all that we want to attain and all that we know would make us so happy.

It is great to have a vision and it is certainly important to be sure that you are taking steps to reach your dream in your life. We know that we want to be the best we can be and have the best of everything in our lives but why is it that, some times, we look at all that surrounds us and wonder what we are doing wrong that is not allowing us all that we are wishing for?

The answer to life’s complex mysteries, as to why we may feel like we aren’t budging while others seem to effortlessly manifest their dreams, is easy!  You can wish for all the riches, luxuries and money you can handle, but if you don’t have a handle on why you want these things, they will not be put in front of you. It doesn’t matter what you want, you must know why you want it so badly: whether it is a house, a car, publishing a book, or building a successful business, one thing always rings true… If you don’t have the right intentions and clear intentions why you are following a certain dream, the dream will stay just that, a dream.

So be sure all that you desire is all that you desire with a specific purpose. As our purpose here is to serve the world by changing people’s lives in our own way.

A question asked by many. The ideal of soul mates goes back to the days of Greek mythology and Zeus, who split all of the humans in half leaving them to search for their other half to complete each other. Theoretically, humans during this time had four legs, four arms, and two heads. Although researching Greek mythology, I have never seen pictures or drawings of humans with this configuration and many Greek statues have no arms. Generally speaking, there is a misconception about the meaning or the ideal of a soul mate. I find that most people think of a soul mate as their ideal partner, love, or the perfect one for them. The term soul mate is defined by many people very differently. One soul mate may have a different purpose in our life than another but typically it is a feeling of deep and natural affinity, intimacy, love, sexuality and/or compatibility. You may feel all of these or any combination toward someone.

You may have a soul mate with whom you are not intimate or sexual with and are merely platonic friends. In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, I talk about a few of the women I have encountered. Some of these women are soul mates and although I do not have romantic relationships with them now, some of them are still in my life as very close friends. Some of these women are not my soul mates and I have friends who are clearly soul mates and some who are not. There is nothing set in stone.

The purpose of soul mates. Have you ever met someone and instantly felt as if you’ve met them before or there was something so familiar about them? Or felt such a strong instant, extremely deep connection with someone or like you’ve known them your whole life? It is possible that this person is one of your soul mates and is here to help you fulfill a purpose together. Sometimes their purpose is life long and sometimes only for a short time. If your purpose together is to raise children then they will be in your life obviously much longer than someone who is here to assist you learning a life lesson. Some of the most difficult lessons in life are patience, unconditional love, forgiveness, and tolerance. Humans cannot learn these life lessons without other humans to interact with and be presented with challenges. The harder the lesson, the more you will be challenged. That is why intimate relationships are so difficult sometimes.

Soul mates come in many forms. A pet can be a soul mate. A pet can help you learn patience that you would not other wise learn with a human. I struggle more with humans than animals most of the time. Think about it. What cat owner doesn’t mind picking up cat poo or changing litter or cleaning it up from around the cat box? Or a dog owner who walks the neighborhood with a bag of freshly collected poo in a tidy little plastic bag. That’s some serious patience and commitment and I surely would not do that for another human. Perhaps you recently broke up with the love of your life; a pet can bring great comfort and sometimes just seem to wander into your life unexpectedly to help in your healing process. They could very well be one of your soul mates.

Finding a soul mate. Just like love, your soul mates will come when you are not searching; whether it is a soul mate for romantic purposes or not. In the mean time, there is time for self-reflecting, self-improvement, and general focus on achieving your own dreams. If you are continuously engaged with other humans, it may be that you are using them for a distraction from yourself. You are cheating yourself out of getting to know who you are and what you want. As humans grow and pass through the standard human growth stages, we want different things in life at different times. When you were ten years old, you may have wanted to be a ballerina or an astronaut. In your teens, maybe you wanted to be a basketball star or a rock star. It is normal for your aspirations to change during young adulthood to middle adulthood, etc. The key is to continue to move forward, work towards your dreams, and learn about yourself and your place in this world. It is quite fortuitous when a soul mate walks into your life especially if you are aware that they are in fact a soul mate. Having the opportunity to engage with just yourself in between the meetings of soul mates is amazing.

Final thoughts. Soul mates are real and are important in your life but you need not look for them. They will come when you need them to learn the next life lesson or fulfill some life purpose. They may or may not be a romantic soul mate. Soul mates do not come into your life to complete you but they can certainly compliment your life. Get to know yourself, pay attention, and enjoy your life every moment.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women.

Check out my web at Robbie411.com.

To that we say, “Baloney!” Love does not conquer all. Shared values do. We know that it sounds almost heretical in a world that thrives on perpetuating romantic stereotypes. But think about the high divorce rate, and the even higher rate of troubled relationships, and you’ll have to admit that we’re doing something wrong. Isn’t that the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? It’s time to restore some sanity to the institution of marriage—but, first, we have to let go of the fairy tale.

Helping people have healthier relationships is one of our passions. In our book, Love in the Present Tense, we explore the myths that keep divorce rates high and incidences of lasting, fulfilling relationships low, and we pinpoint eight core values that are “must haves” if you are going to sustain a successful marriage. We’d like to share them with you now:

• Personal growth. A good marriage fosters personal growth, and personal growth fosters a good marriage. In this context, growth refers to a continual process of learning about yourself, expanding your point of view, and extending yourself into the world.

• Willingness to challenge each other. You care most for your partner when you demand that he become the best that he can be. Accepting people exactly as they are is a form of abandonment. Challenging your partner is a vote of confidence and a sign of respect.

• Preeminence of the adult relationship. Marriage works best when it is given a higher priority than any other relationship in either partner’s life. This includes priority over even your children. When parents subrogate their own adult relationship needs to the needs of their children, they end up making the children feel responsible for making them happy.

• Dedication to your life’s purpose. In a great marriage, each partner is deeply committed to and actively involved in some endeavor outside the marriage. You never will be satisfied with your relationship if you are expecting it to supply the fulfillment that comes from pursuing a vision.

• Inner renewal. It is essential that each partner regularly tap into some source of inner renewal. This can be accomplished through religious or spiritual practices, and also can come from the enjoyment of nature or art, exercise or hobbies, journaling or simply spending quiet time alone with oneself.

• Personal responsibility. In a great marriage, both partners assume full responsibility for their own inner lives. They don’t view their partner as the cause of what they are feeling. It is mutually understood that while you can’t control what your partner does, you are completely free to choose your own response to what he does.

• Accountability. Accountability in marriage means keeping one’s word, following through on commitments, telling the truth, and accepting the full consequences of what we do and neglect to do.

• Quality communication. Real intimacy is based on the quality of communication, not the quantity of time you spend together. This means regularly sharing with your partner what is happening in your inner life and listening with full attention when your partner shares with you.

Surprised by some of these principles? Most people are. And yet, radical as it may seem to those of us raised on an unrealistic diet of marriage myths, what we are saying makes perfect sense to those who’ve embraced our ideas.

When partners share common values, they have a common ground upon which they can resolve just about any conflict. They discover that despite whatever dissatisfaction may be ruffling the surface of their marriage, they have chosen the right partner.

Few marriage counselors will admit that all relationship advice is values-based. Anyone who tells you how to have a better relationship is operating out of their own vision of what a better relationship looks like. The values we base our work and our book on are the values that keep our relationship whole. We are judgmental. And we think you should be judgmental too.