Warning and Disclosure: Gals, do not fall for any of these! If you did LoveDetour.com is not liable for any damages made to your body and your feelings.
Guys, LoveDetour.com does not guarantee the results of these pick-up lines. You are at your own risk for using them! Certain side-effects may occur, such as rejections, slap in the face, being called names like “What a loser!”, kicked in the balls, and being arm-barred by the MMA boyfriend. Please consult your nearest friend and your head before pursuing.

LoveDetour.com did not create these pick-up lines, nor its officers, staffs, and experts! It was Bubba & Cooter!

LoveDetour.com does not know if Bubba & Cooter actually look like that in the picture. The photo was attached in the forwarded email.

1. Did you just fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2. Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3. My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can’t hold it in.

4. Do you have a library card?
cuz I’d like to sign you out

5. Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6. If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I’d store my nuts in yer hole.

7. You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty’s only a light switch away.

8. Man – ‘ Fat Penguin! ‘
Woman – ‘ WHAT? ‘
Man – ‘ I just wanted to say something that would break the ice. ‘

9. I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room…

11. Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12. Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

AND.. the best for last!

13. If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

I recently did an interview with Sunny Wang and Kim Hess (The Divorce Guru) from Advice.Lovedetour.com, as part of their Energytalkradio.com show where Kim pointed out how much she loved one of my favorite rules from my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women; Never be common, boring, or ordinary. Summer is just a few weeks away, so I thought I would diverge from my normal writings and share something more personal to the readers to drive this rule home!!  It doesn’t matter if your gay, straight, or bi, if you want to meet someone, you should follow this rule!!

It was an amazingly beautiful Sunday afternoon in Calabasas, California and I was at my usual fun spot, The Sagebrush Cantina.  If you haven’t heard about this place check out their website and if you ever make it to S. California, it is a must stop, especially on a Sunday afternoon!  I was with my usual group of friends, who ran into some other group of friends (a common occurrence here), which consisted of a mix of guys and girls, straight, gay and bi.  The Cantina is great for variety.  About six of us where standing in a spot that allowed for ample viewing of who was there, usually consisting of a great mix of hot girls and guys.  One of the girls noticed a super hot girl sitting at a near by table.  The hottie was only sitting with one other girl and although they seemed to be having continual conversation, they were both looking around doing a bit of people watching.  One of my bi-sexual girl friends (Catherine), throws down a bet to the four guys who were with us and said, “I’ll bet you twenty-bucks that I can get that girl to kiss me”.  With absolutely no hesitation, all of them were cheering and fussing about, “yea, do it, I’m in, go for it, etc”.    Catherine cruises by the table, pauses, walks back around, and stands behind the hot girl for a bit to listen to what the hottie and her friend were talking about.  I move in close enough too just to see what she could possibly do to get this hot girl to kiss her.  Catherine wasn’t usually so forward so it really peaked my curiosity!!!  After about ten minutes, Catherine walks over to the hottie, leans over and says, “Excuse me.  I just bet my buddies twenty-bucks that I could get you to kiss me, so if you do, I’ll split it with you.”  Ten bucks would get you a drink at the Cantina, Catherine is an attractive girl, so the hottie must have thought to herself, “Why not!!” And so they kiss. It was a brief “peck” on the lips, they laugh a bit and Catherine thanks her then walks back to pick up her twenty bucks.  She walks back over to the hottie, gives her ten bucks, chats for a bit, and after seven or eight minutes, Catherine returns to the group.  They all fuss a bit and high five etc., just as anyone would perhaps.

I wasn’t satisfied with that.  Nor would a two second peck interest me very much nor would splitting ten buck!!  I realized this girl is a least willing to kiss a girl and if she did it once, its likely she would do it again.  So, why not with me!!! I would of course want to be more creative then telling the truth about twenty bucks!!  I start to move in, all the while thinking of what could I possibly say to this hottie to get a kiss that is better than a two second peck.  As I stood near her, nothing came to mind, so I just started talking to her.  I said, “So what do you think about all of the fussing that bunch of girls and guys are making over you?”  She replied, “It’s my first time here and I just broke up with my boyfriend last month, so the attention is nice”.  “Nice honest, sincere answer”, I thought.  Before I knew it I knelt down in front of the hottie, got close up and personal and said, “I bet my friends a hundred dollars that I could get a better kiss than you gave that girl and if you do it, I’ll split it with you.”  The hottie leans into me and plants a big, long, open kiss right on my mouth!!!! I thanked her, stood back up and while looking down at her, still sitting there looking up at me, I confessed, “There is no hundred dollars, I lied.”  I wasn’t sure what she was going to say and to my surprise, she smiled and said, “Would you like to sit down?”  So I did.  The hottie laughed and said, “That was really good!!”  I glanced over at my group of friends for a moment, who gazed in wonderment, waved at them, and continued to have quite an interesting conversation with one of the hottest girls there.  The hottie gave me her work number and although I never called her, never saw her again, she certainly made for another fantastic time at The Sagebrush Cantina, and reinforced my rule and philosophy to “Never be common, boring, or ordinary!!”

Cheers,
Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Visit me at Robbie411.com or

Twitter with me at http://twitter.com/RobbieLee411

Witness the example of my dad, who recited Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” (you know, “’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves . . .”) from memory in order to get my mom’s attention. Technically, it wasn’t a pick-up line, as a mutual friend had introduced my parents and they had been talking at length before my mom excused herself to leave for class. Dad merely wanted to make sure Mom remembered him. Dad’s penchant for nonsense verse worked; my parents were engaged three months later and will celebrate 35 years of marriage on May 4.

Alas, not all men are as original or classy as my father. An acquaintance of mine who wishes to remain anonymous was talking to a hot single dad at a party. He’d taken out his BlackBerry to show her pictures of his adorable kids, and she fussed over how cute they were. Then he “accidentally” scrolled to a picture of his – ahem – male organ. (No, she did not say it was “cute.”)

My friend Katy shared two equally crude examples she heard when she was in her 20′s. Now in her 40′s, she says, “Do we dare to hope that perhaps men in my age group have outgrown these annoying lines? Or maybe I just don’t hear them because I don’t go to bars any more.”

Alcohol does seem to lower inhibitions, as proven by these gems:

• “I’m standing at the bar talking to someone I think is a perfectly nice person when he says, ‘I have to go to the men’s room. Would you like to come and hold it for me?” Ew.
• This one is from an anonymous friend of Katy’s: “She spent the evening talking and drinking with this guy and she thought he was so nice. At closing time, he asked if he could walk her to her car and proceeded to ask her if she wanted to have sex.” Bad enough, but wait for it . . . “When she said no, he responded with ‘OK, how about a blow job then?’”

This last one Katy shared is actually rather cute. “A guy made a ring out of a dollar bill and said, ‘You look like the woman I’ve been waiting for all of my life. Will you accept this ring?’ I only remember that I got very drunk and ended up spending that dollar later in the evening (and I felt guilty for doing it). I always remember it, and I remember thinking it was corny but sweet,” she said.

Another corny but cute one, courtesy of Jen: “Was in Tennessee in-between classes my freshman year of college.  This guy that I had gone to school with since first grade comes up to me as I was sleeping in the hallway with my alarm set.  He gently kicks me, and I of course woke up to him standing over me. He kneels down smiling and goes ‘Are you from Tennessee?’  I went, ‘Of course, why would you ask that? I’ve known you for 10 years.’ (longer now, of course.)  He goes, ‘Because you’re the only Ten I See . . .’ I rolled my eyes and was going to try to finish my nap and he goes, ‘Want to go to the movies with me?’ DOH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had walked right into it, and for our friendship I went to the movies with him and made sure he knew it was only as friends.  Don’t have a clue what happened to him because shortly after that he dropped the couple of classes we had together.” [Incidentally, Jen is now happily married (not to the old school friend) and a mom.]

Another sweet one comes from Valerie: “You are beautiful inside and out.” Awww. Valerie didn’t say whether she went out with the guy or not, but many women I know (OK, me included) would at least give him a second look.

My friend Becky, in her 50′s and one of the savviest daters I know, offered this cautionary tale about lying. While not about a “pick-up line” per se, this story is a great reminder about honesty, whether meeting online or in person. “I talked to a guy on an online dating site. According to his profile, Michael was 5’10”. He wrote me poetry and sent me songs – that really interested me. I always meet for coffee on the first date. I was early and knew what he looked like.  I saw a man who resembled Michael come in and I thought, ‘That can’t be him.’ He came over and sat down, and I was shocked as he was about 5’4”. He started telling me how good I looked in person, and finally I said, ‘I thought you said you were 5’10”.’ He looked me straight in the face and said that he was just diagnosed with osteoporosis and that it was very severe and he had already lost six inches. I could not stop laughing, and I almost spit out my coffee.”

Becky continued, “I told him I too had osteoporosis and had only lost ¼ inch. He finally admitted he had lied about his height in order to meet me. I told him he didn’t have to do that, and he apologized. We ended up becoming good friends.”

What lessons should single people looking for a date or a partner take away from these stories? Sweetness and originality pay off; crudeness doesn’t. While dishonesty may seem like the best policy, it only works if you admit that you fibbed, and perhaps not even then. Honesty and authenticity work best; would you really want someone who doesn’t like you for who you are? Oh yes, and watch your alcohol consumption. Alcohol severs the connection between the brain and the mouth.

About the Author – Meghan K. Donovan is a creative spirit moonlighting as an office manager and freelance writer. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio with her two almost-human cats. She believes in God and in the power of chocolate to heal most ills. She digs guys as committed to peace, social justice, and spirituality as she is.

As I said in a recent article “Getting Past Women’s Defensive Walls – The First Steps To Attracting More Women” Women put up walls as a time management tool. If they spent time on every dude that hit on them, they wouldn’t be able to leave their own homes. Because of this, it is important to have a few tricks up your sleeve that can open her up, and let you into her world. This is not always easy, and quite frankly, you will face some rejection, but it you implement these techniques, you will be light years ahead of most men.

When a guy spots an attractive lady, he tends to make some serious mistakes right off the bat. First of all, he waits way too long before he approaches her. For this story, I am going to call our guy Dan. Dan tells his friends to check out the hot blonde by the bar, and immediately 4 drunk dudes are ogling her. If he’s unlucky, she will see all 5 of them staring at her like dorks.

Dan then ponders when he should approach her, and what he should say. This is very bad. Not only are you taking too much time to talk to her, which will only make your head spin trying to think of the perfect thing to say, but you are also leaving the door open for someone else to talk to her. To make matters worse, the longer you take, the more she will see you and your friends drooling over her like dogs. If this happens, say adios to the pretty blonde.

So, what can you do to actually approach and talk to a girl and have her enjoy it and not run for the hills?

1. Approach her immediately. Don’t give yourself time to think about things, and don’t allow enough time for her to see you staring at her 25 different times. I think you should approach a woman within 5 seconds of spotting her, but absolutely no more then 10 seconds. And, if the first time you see her, she happens to be looking at you too, she will think you are extremely confident when you walk up to her so quickly. This will be a turn-on to her, which will also immediately get you one step closer to getting past her wall.

2. Approach with strong body language. Women are far more perceptive than men, and they read body language very well. Way, way better than us guys! If you walk to her with your head down looking like you just got beat up by a little boy, then you have canceled out step 1.

Walk to her with purpose. Keep your head up, looking right at her with a small smile. This smile can almost be a sly grin. If she is looking at you, do not break eye contact. If anyone is going to look away first you better make sure it is her. Stand tall with your shoulders rolled back and your chest out. Walk at a medium pace, not too fast but not too slow. A nice, cool stroll will tell her that you are in control.

3. Don’t get too close to her. When you finally get to her, don’t get too close and invade her space. This will make her really uncomfortable. A couple feet is great.

4. Don’t seek approval or use pick-up lines. If you try and seek her approval, she will think you are insecure. No woman wants an insecure man. Don’t use pick-up lines either. I can’t believe that guys are still using these dumb things. They don’t work!

5. Greet her uniquely. Going up to her, shaking her hand, introducing yourself, and asking her what her name is, is totally boring, and clumps you right in with all the other dudes that have tried to talk to her. Make yourself stand out. Be unique. You want her to experience some emotion when she meets you. This is an attractive quality. It might feel weird or awkward at first, but in the long run, and as you become more comfortable with yourself and your technique, it will pay off.

There are various things you can do. one thing you can do is go in for a “high five.” Use your left hand too. As you are giving this unique greeting, say “What’s up?” or “What’s happening?” Draw it out too. Say “Whaaaaaat’s happenin?” or “Whaaaaaat’s up?” You can add a nickname to this as well. Whatever that is. Say your unique greeting and add a piece of clothing she is wearing, or the purse she is carrying. Not only is this unique and fun, it is showing women that you are noticing details, and women appreciate this. They don’t try and look nice for nothing.

So, you can say something like “Whaaaat’s up Louis Vuitton?” or “Whaaaat’s up great shoes?”

It might sound silly to you, but it’s a far more effective opening than what women normally hear.

Please stay tuned for part 2 of GREAT TIPS FOR APPROACHING WOMEN.

For more information on attracting more women, please visit the following website.