Here’s the deal. Most of us approach relationship like drunken sailors, intoxicated with the ideas and fantasies we have about relationship as opposed to the sobering reality of them, and desperate (or lonely, as the case may be) like your ship has just come in—or is about to leave port. Not a great strategy if you want a great relationship.

So, get a piece of paper and write these things down:
1)First, what do you want? (spell it out)
2)What are you willing to do about it?

I know, I have said this before, but let’s take a closer look—trust me. Let’s start with number 1: What do you want? On your paper, across from each item you have listed in your want column, write down what you have instead. For example;

I WANT                                                                      I HAVE
An ideal partner, someone to share my life with            I am single and live alone

A big house with 3 kids, a dog and live near the water    I live in the city, small flat w/a fish

To be debt-free and have 1 million dollars in the bank    I am in between careers and in debt

Whatever the case is, write it down. The space in between what you have and what you want, let’s call your motivational crevasse. For some this may seem gaping, for others totally achievable. Which brings us to number 2: What are you willing to do about it?

On the back of that paper, write down what time you woke up today and what you did, go ahead, write it. Include when you got up, who you spent time with, what books you read, TV you watched, when you went to work, and so on. And be as specific as you can! Then I want you to get another piece of paper, draw a monthly calendar, and mark the days that are pretty much like this day. Go on.

If you’re like most of us, we do about the same thing pretty much each day, consistently, whatever those things are; hang out with certain people, go to particular places, participate in certain activities, watch TV, go on our computers, etc. We have routines and patterns. We are creatures of habit.

We also know that it takes a certain amount of discipline and practice to bring a thought or idea into fruition, or “make them real,” as they say. For example, we get our diploma by going to school, studying, showing up and doing what it takes to make that happen. Same applies for our dream relationship, our dream life.

Now for the math equation: Take what you want, add what you do all day, and see if it equals what you have!

I know, this seems harsh, well…what can I say, it is. When we want something bad enough, we do what it takes to make it happen, rather than sitting around believing in fairy tales, hoping “the one” will just show up and we’ll live happily ever after. Odds are this is never going to happen, and the facts are in, ladies and gentlemen; it almost never does. Why wait? Go make it happen yourself. The good news is, since what you do begets what you have, try something different! Instead of watching TV, take a relationship class; or instead of hours of doing things that aren’t getting you what you want, start doing things that will bring you closer to creating what you do want! Next thing you know, you will want what you have… which, Buddha says, is the definition of happiness.

Listen to Maryanne talk about investing in yourself and your dreams!

Here’s the deal; the facts are in. At least 50% of marriages don’t make it—which, if you’re a gambler, is slightly better than a crap shoot – this is what I told RadarOnline.com, when asked for a comment about Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s marriage.

And it would seem obvious to many people that marrying someone you have only known a few weeks would increase your odds of failure…among other things. So perhaps a better question to ask is not what are the downsides, but rather…why? Why get married? So you can have a party? Show up your sister on TV because you are profoundly insecure or desperate for ratings? What’s the rush? It’s not like love has a shelf life. Unless one is deeply religious, which is not evident in this case (correct me if I am wrong; I don’t think so), there are so few reasons to rush into nuptials before we have taken time to do a minimum of due diligence.

What I do know about these two people is they know something about success. It takes discipline, skill and focus (and perhaps a little luck) to turn your desire into reality. Hence my concern, again, about their haste. I am not convinced that these two people understand the game they are in. I feel whatever their motivations for wedlock—“looks good, feels good,” ratings, or whatever—they would benefit by focusing on the fact that the same commitment, discipline and skill that supported their success is needed to enjoy a successful relationship; particularly a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable one.

With all due respect, if these two people love each other, or feel a strong connection and want to jump into marriage (which I likened to jumping out of a plane, considering, well…that they have just barely met), they should strap on a parachute. Which is to say, they should strongly consider checking under the hood to make sure they have what it takes to make the journey before Sunday. Many things are very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to re-negotiate after they say “I do.”

While celebrity marriages may seem qualitatively different than the average boy-meets-girl scenario, all relationships thrive best when they rest on a solid foundation. In some ways, the celebrity relationship needs to pay even greater mind to this, as their relationship is subject to stresses, pressure and scrutiny that on a good day most of us cannot even fathom.

So I would say to this couple, go for it! IF they have managed in this three-week period to establish the following, at minimum:

Their top three non-negotiables.

If this person is worthy of their unconditional devotion and respect.

A strong “out” clause or good consciousness agreement.

If they themselves are a strong, loyal, devoted, trustworthy partner.

They have revealed all their deep secrets or habits that have the potential to destroy the relationship if not revealed and healed.

They have cleaned up all their past relationships.

Have the capacity to tell the truth despite the consequences, and see the value of truth as a cornerstone of their relationship.

Love each other’s friends and current daily lifestyle.

Have agreed upon children and child-rearing responsibilities.

Understand and are in alignment about money.

They are confident in each other’s ability to negotiate their feelings and concerns responsibly.

Know what each other values most in life.

Have shared and are in alignment and support of their 10-year plan.

Have agreed to see someone (either within the family or outside) to act as an unbiased counselor, to help support the relationship should they get stuck or feel they cannot resolve any matter that has the potential to end the relationship.

This, I believe, would afford them a good start. While relationships are a great breeding ground for personal development, chemistry as a litmus test for the potential of a relationship is too often a crash-and-burn method & can be quite painful. Rather than each failed relationship being a lesson learned, the pain becomes either fuel for the next one or a barrier to intimacy.

In our 20s we are at a peak in some ways, in terms of learning about who we are and who we are not, and oftentimes get into relationships based largely on chemistry—without having acquired some essential relationship tools and turned them into skills. Life will teach them soon enough. The good news is, if they really want a healthy relationship they are in a position to develop these skills, provided they have interviewed each other and revealed their shadows and non-negotiables to each other. Some of these deal-breakers, like infidelity or drug or alcohol addiction, are things that you want to know before you get married, not after!

Hard to establish trust when you have had so little time to see if the person’s words and actions match up. If you are in a rush, and clearly Khloe and Lamar seem to be, I’d advise them to take some time before Sunday to drop in with each other, because having a success plan is important! Bottom line, at least half of marriages end in divorce. If you want it to work, make sure you are prepared and have what it takes to make that happen.

To re-cap:

Hard to negotiate your needs after the marriage ceremony; double check your non-negotiables, you two!
What do you want and expect from each other & the marriage: do you both want kids, how will you share your money, or not? I call this a consciousness agreement.
What kind of relationship skills do you bring to the table? Do you have issues with commitment and intimacy, do you have a track record of being able to stay and hang in there when things get tough? “Looks good, feels good” isn’t going to cut it when things get sideways…these things are very difficult to negotiate after you already have established a pattern. Talk about it. What are you committing to?
Happily Ever After is not a place, and chemistry is not enough to keep a relationship together. They say that, in unconsciousness, the thing that brings you together in a relationship will be the thing that pulls you apart. What is your foundation for your relationship? I recommend spirit, God or the divine, and having a real practice.
Love is a choice and a privilege, not a sentence, so act like it!

I recently explained my take on the Khloe/Lamar situation at a booksigning. You can watch it here

The problem—or, should I say, one of the many challenges— with being human is knowing the difference between who we are and who we are not. Making the all-important distinction between our unconscious persona and our authentic, healthy, whole selves. Until we have addressed this process it is likely that our wounded little kid has a hold of an adult tool, waving it around like a toy, and then BANG! somebody gets hurt. Our Mate-dar, when operated by our 5-year-old wound, can get us into a lot of trouble—as would any part of ourselves we have not made peace with, healed or become aware of on some level.

In the case of seeking a great partner, when we are seeing through the eyes of a wound we are less likely to see clearly! This can show up in different ways (boy, can they be tricky, slippery and subtle all at once), most of them falling under the guise of denial or rationalization.

Here’s a great story to illustrate how elusive accessing our very own truth can be.

My husband, David, got on the scale this morning. I could hear the clang and distinct argh. “How can that be? I gained four pounds? I have only been eating lettuce all week, for crying out loud.” I tried to comfort him by saying that muscle weighs more than fat, and then burst out laughing, realizing that’s what I told myself last time I got on the scale. After we lavished one and another with a few more excuses, we decided that the scale was broken and we needed to get a new one. One that told us what we wanted to hear! That we were not fat!

I have learned it’s one thing to sit around and bitch and moan wishing things were different, and another to do something about it. So I went for a run, then later we went to get the scale. Apparently doing a little of both.

“It’s never a good idea to weigh yourself late in the day, sweetie” I reminded him as he stepped off the fancy glass scale in Bed Bath and Beyond, that seconds before had held such promise. “Yeah, but this one says I weigh even more than the one at home—did I gain four more pounds since we left?” I wasn’t laughing, as I was about to climb on. Mind you, I don’t make it a habit to get on scales—I know all too well they are not my friends, because I almost never feel better about myself as a result! How bad could it be? I thought. I run and eat well and anyway I would know if I… “What the…? A hundred and…? Wow, I don’t know what to say, except …that scale can’t be right!” I leapt off like it was a bed of hot coals.
“Oh, look, here’s one that tells you how much muscle versus fat you have, and it will show us how much water we are retaining! Let’s try it. You go first!” I said. David placed the Ferrari version of a scale on the floor, took his flip-flops off again and stepped on. “Uh oh…uhhhh… Wait, try that one, that’s just a regular old scale,” and quickly pointed to another. He put the Ferrari one back, put the next one on the floor and hopped on. We both waited as it calculated. “Well, this one says the same thing as the one at home does,” he shrugged. ‘Which means—uh…we’re fat, right?” We both laughed, let it sink in for a minute, and then decided that since we were ready to admit the truth, that we weighed more than we wanted to, we might as well buy the really cool one that told us in great detail all about it.

What the heck does this have to do with relationships? That’s a very good question, and if you answered “Everything!” you are definitely smarter than the average bear!

Pay attention, ‘cause this is some heavy. It doesn’t get any more real than this kind of reality. A huge contributor, if not a top ten reason so many of us don’t have a GREAT relationship, is—we don’t tell ourselves (or others) the truth. It’s an exact proportion, as a matter of fact! Think about it. Let’s say I asked you right now to write down your name, how much you weigh, how much you make a year, the color of your eyes, hair, your shoe size, how tall you are, where you live. Nine out of ten of you would lie about at least half. The rest of you would at least exaggerate or minimize.

Don’t believe me, go grab the next person you see and tell them how much you really weigh. How tall you are, to the centimeter. What color your hair really is. How old you actually are. Go down the list; if you are honest with yourself, you will see how often we lie about the most mundane things. Why? Because of what we make it mean:

I weigh X = I am fat = no one will want/love me
I am X years old = I am too old = no one will love me
I am five feet X = too short (or tall) = no one wants that = no one will want me
My real hair color is X = I am unattractive = no one will love me
I make X amount of money = I am poor = no one will want to be with me/love me

So we do what my husband and I tried to do. We slip right into the old river called Denial. We begin with some simple rationalizations, adding or taking away a zero here and there. What harm can it do? we think, Who cares? If I don’t care, why should anyone else? Well, that’s the problem. You do care, or you wouldn’t bother lying—especially to yourself!

You can see how easy it is to miss cues, red flags and warnings or signs from another person that they really aren’t interested. Our agenda for love can be so strong, our wound-ology so ingrained, that it actually distorts reality! Here are some recommendations to help develop or adjust our Mate-dar.

1. One of my favorites is to interview people who have the kind of relationship you want. If you can’t interview, at least pay attention and jot down some features that stand out for you!
2. Date yourself seriously. Yes, seriously…date yourself. Make a date, get ready for it, pick the place you want yourself to take yourself, the whole nine, and do it. How do you like your own company, what do you notice about yourself?
3. Interview yourself. Yeah, why not? Who are you? What do you want out of life? What’s your five-year plan, what is your relationship history? Ask yourself all the questions you would ask of another, and see how you react or what comes up for you.
4. Have a few practice dates with real people to see how well your intuition is working. Yes, a date where you actually try and work on your weakness. Maybe you even ask the person for feedback about you and see how your perceptions compare. Could be very enlightening, if you have the courage!

Look, if you don’t take care to do these things, or things like this, for yourself, why would you expect anyone else to? Awakening to consciousness is not for lightweights—it’s hard work, and you got to want the good stuff! Like I always say, great relationships begin within. Don’t kid yourself!

Relationship Rescue

by Phillip C. McGraw, PhD.

Introduction:

A book that clearly demonstrates the lack of understanding of the successful relationship is Relationship Rescue by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. What is so sad about this book is that he is so close to the answer yet still unable to understand. Today he is the highest profile psychologist in the industry but that doesn’t mean he comes close to really helping troubled relationships.

Because of his profile, though, he is the most colorful in his words and his writing. Unfortunately for his audience, he is even more emphatic about his beliefs, which turn out to be even more illogical than many of his competitors. This fact is most obvious in his section defining the myths of the relationship. Yes, even the esteemed Dr. Phil falls into this trap with his relationship book. In the book Dr. Phil first assumes that yes every relationship includes arguments.

Details:

For example, he explains that it is “completely naïve and fanciful thinking” to believe serious disagreements can be resolved and that “In the twenty five years that I have been doing work in the field of human behavior, I have seen few if any genuine relationship conflicts ever get resolved.” Yes, it appears he is admitting that he has not solved one conflict in twenty-five years of practice!

So is he saying we just move on without any possibility of reconciling differences in relationships? His “logic” is that “If arguing is done in accordance with some very simple rules of engagement, it can actually help the quality and longevity of the relationship in a number of ways.” He cites numerous times throughout the book this belief. “…Whether you have arguments is not what determines the long-term success or failure of your relationship. It’s how you argue.”

In most of the rest of the book he elaborates on these very simple rules of how to argue as his new revelations. Without a platform of common sense, the logic of arguments is followed by suppression of the negative feelings behind the discontent, without any psychological explanation for the source of these negative feelings.

He also mentions, “Men are going to be men and women are going to be women, and no therapist can change it.” Dr. Phil actually reveals that therapy is not directed towards men by stating in a letter written to men at the back of the book, “I’m assuming that this letter is the first thing you’re reading in this book.”

On the positive side, this book begins his quest to help individuals become happy by explaining the path to overcome the troubles is the responsibility of the reader. Individuals must be happy with themselves before they can make the relationship happy.

In a section where he comes oh so close to discovering the positive relationship is a section entitled “Make yourself happy rather than right”. Ironically, in this section he cites one of the few case studies of a chief master sergeant father and a rebellious son in exhibiting the differences between being right and happy. Again, this is one of the few case studies cited.

The father comments his son should obey him “because I’m the father, by God, and as long as he’s living under my roof, eating my food, and spending my money, I’ve got the right to tell him what to do and how to do it.” Does Dr. Phil follow up with successfully helping the father’s perspective? No. Two and a half weeks after this session the son dies playing basketball. Now of all of the examples he must have seen in his “twenty five” years in practice this is the only example he could come up with? Why wouldn’t he give an example of an unhappy man and wife with whom he was able to convey this message?

Dr. Phil has given up on relationship therapy as he mentioned on Oprah, though, because he realizes there isn’t anything he can do. He does try sometimes now that he has his own show. David Letterman even ribs Dr. Phil nightly on his show: Words of Wisdom From Dr. Phil, “I don’t know what I am doing,” “I’ll beat the crap out of you.” “Call your wife a bitch.” “90% of people are stupid.” Apparently Dr. Phil has now become an entertainer instead of a psychologist, sort of a Jerry Springer with a diploma.

by Tim Kellis

http://HappyRelationships.com/

http://HappyMarriages.com/

Not only do we wonder if we can get all million things done in as little time as possible; we seem to wonder if we are up to speed in our lives, as compared to others.
 Do we know as much, or enough?
Do we have as much, or enough?
Have we offered as much, or enough?
 
In life, we seem to be trying to beat the clock, on all these levels, whether in our personal lives, or our career accomplishments.
 
There is not enough time in the day, we are ready for bed, from exhaustion before dinner gets on the table- if we even take time to sit and eat…
 
It is not surprising the amount of stress, strain and serious health issues that are taking place for so many people who are trying to burn the candle at both ends- they are at wits end with everything that must be taken care of, now.
 
But what about taking care of ourselves along the “race” way?
 
What are you doing for you, that allows you balance in your life, when you are rushing around with kids, laundry, bill paying or all around life fretting?
 
I know, it sounds ridiculous!
Right?
 
Imagine slowing down the pace of your race,
 to the pace of grace?
 
Sometimes, to come to a healthy and serene space, this must be the case.
 
Love,
LuCy sMiLeS

POP!
(Problem or Possibility)

Several times in our lives, we will go through something pretty problematic, it may be hard to believe that in it, there is a blessing, somewhere underneath it all.
Life in itself is a series of lessons, and experiences that allow us to look closely at ourselves, and how we are doing.
No matter what the experience, there is always more than one way of looking at it.

Either as a problem, or as a possibility.
Take any situation that you have ever gone through.

It can be traumatic, trying, or testing of your patience and tolerance of life, itself.

But, if you can look at it with a positive outlook, and in some way find that you have learned something special, or grown in an amazing way because of it, you can allow life in, rather than resisting its presence.

So, take note of all the possibilities in every experience as much as you can, and take the opportunities to grow because of what you go through.

LoVe,
LuCy sMiLeS

Yet at the reception after the memorial, instead of drowning in her tears (which we would imagine is what most of us would do), she wanted to talk about what a great, loving father and husband he was. How funny and generous he was. How many people’s lives he touched, and how blessed she was to have had twenty years with him. And while yes, her eyes were puffy and blurred with mascara, as sad as she was, she was genuinely grateful and proud to have spent this chapter of her life with such a man. You could feel it was true.

On the ride home tears spilled down my cheeks, as the truth of her words about her husband were also true for me, in a smaller yet significant way. This man has indeed touched my life, his generosity and beautiful spirit has definitely made a difference to me and my family. And then I felt this wave of inspiration fill my heart. A reaffirmation of why I do what I do and do it with such passion. To help people find what my girlfriend found with her beloved husband, however long they were blessed to share that together.

People ask me all the time how to have a great relationship, how to date successfully, or meet someone and start a healthy dating pattern. I usually ask them the same two questions: What do you want, and what are you willing to do about it? Then I direct them to my Relationship Aptitude Test, or RAT, which helps you smell a rat—or find out if you are one. It’s multiple choice. Take your time.

Q 1 When is it okay to date someone who is already in a relationship?

1.Human beings are not monogamous creatures
2. As long as they don’t really want to be with that person
3. I’d rather wait until they are available

Q 2 How long should you wait before you get sexually intimate with someone?

1.It depends on how well I know the person
2.If it feels good, do it
3.Two or three dates, unless it’s love at first sight

Q3 Does it matter how someone’s relationships have ended in the past?

1.Some people just bring out the worst in each other
2.That was then and this is now
3.I am attracted to people who keep their side of the street clean

Q4 Does God matter in a relationship?

1.Not believing in God doesn’t make you a bad person
2.I think it’s key to a relationship to be spiritually compatible
3.To each his own

Q5 When you should bring up marriage or commitment?

1.Be upfront about what you want; you both deserve that
2.You should just go with the flow
3.Not until you’re sure it won’t scare them away

Q6 At what point do you talk about kids or birth control?

1.Love me, love my kids; and know that whatever I do, I am responsible for
2.If you have ‘em, wait to bring them up; if you don’t, wait until they mention it
3.Have a condom and don’t say anything you’ll regret later

Q7 When and how do you talk about STDs?

1.I would assume someone would tell me if they were sick or had some disease
2.ASAP and gracefully
3.You can tell when people are clean and healthy—and always bring a condom

Q8 Does it matter if someone you are with has been incarcerated?

1.Everyone deserves a second chance
2.As long as it wasn’t murder
3.Depends on what for

Q9 Does everyone need a purpose in life?

1.I just want them to be happy
2.Absolutely—or in sincere pursuit
3.As long as it isn’t me

Q10 Do you believe in Happily Ever After?
1.I don’t need to anymore
2.I believe in the pre-nuptial agreements
3.Sure, who doesn’t want that?

Tally up your points with the key below and mail your score to info at maryannelive dot com, and we’ll send you the results. Find out if you need an X-termination, need to lay off the cheese, or if you are a cheese connoisseur. (Be sure to include on what site you took the quiz!)

Key:
Q 1: 1) 2 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 3 points
Q 2: 1). 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point
Q 3: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points
Q 4: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points
Q 5: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 3) 1 point
Q 6: 1) 3 points, 2) 1 point, 3) 2 points
Q 7: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points
Q 8: 1) 1 point, 2) 2 points, 3) 3 points
Q 9: 1) 1 point, 2) 3 points, 3) 2 points
Q 10: 1) 3 points, 2) 2 points, 1) 1 point

We know, from personal experience, that when we have days where we worry of the “what ifs”, the next will come where we feel we just seems to effortlessly “know it all!”

When faced with testing fate, or feeling a little flustered, we can rest assured that we still have all the capabilities to make it even just a bit better, than before, simply by taking one extra step, even if we may feel it impossible to move, let alone move out of this dark moment.

It doesn’t have to take much to make ourselves feel better.
We don’t even have to do something for “ourselves’ for this to take place.

Even the simple act of buying someone in front of you, their coffee, or sending out a cute greeting card in the mail, to someone, will make us feel better about ourselves.

Sometimes, it just seems that we don’t want to get up, or take a stand in our lives, let alone take a chance and risk doing things that scare us.

But, by going above and beyond, in any which positive fashion, we make a difference not only in our lives, but in the lives of those around us.

If you are feeling like you are not sure about which way to go, or what to do to feel better about any situation;
Be kind to yourself knowing that you don’t always need to know…
But “do” know that a kind gesture to yourself or others, will make any situation better.

And you will feel better because of it.

Love,
LuCy sMiLeS

He says, “I’ll call you.” but doesn’t until he’s ready. Always has the perfect excuse to why he didn’t do something, and is never wrong. What is so attractive about a man like that? Well let me break it down. They’re spontaneous. He says he’ll call you at 8pm, but it’s 8:30 and your phone hasn’t rung. You start thinking that he’s just not that into you, until your phone rings and instead of apologizing to you for calling late he says, “hey beautiful.” which of course makes you swoon.

Dealing with a man who always thinks he’s right can be exciting because what woman doesn’t believe they’re always right too? Nice guys let you win arguments and don’t put up a fight. They say things like, “you’re right honey,” Or, “it’s my fault…” But a bad boy will battle you till he gets his point across. He’ll also make it a point to let you know that he’s not like the last guy you dated (they always put themselves on pedestals) and he’s not going to sugar coat things or fake the funk, but instead tell you how it is. Besides, what couple doesn’t enjoy makeup sex?

Which brings up another love for bad boys…they’re great in bed. Bad boys are exciting, enjoy trying new things, and make it a priority to satisfy their woman. If your nice guys would spice things up instead of always wanting to cuddle, then maybe your bed would have more action….and you as well.

Sadly in this generation, nice guys are finishing last and the bad boys are controlling the spotlight…but for how much longer?

Is there at time where women just don’t feel like arguing anymore, or you get used to doing things routine, because come on, we won’t be in our 20’s forever.

-Porsche Simpson

http://www.singlegirlinsandiego.com

What do you mean? I just got my partner to admit I was right and they were wrong. I won. The difficulty with this “win” is by the time your partner has conceded you were “right”; your hard fought, victorious battle has spilled so much bloodshed that the happiness and intimacy of your relationship has been badly damaged (so much so sometimes that it is beyond repair). Yeah, you might have won the battle, but you have surely lost the war. This means you haven’t really won anything at all, especially if you are well on your way to destroying your relationship.

So what exactly is going on here? Why is it so important for us to be ‘right” when we fight with the one we love? Why do we believe we have to “win”? Chances are it has little, if anything, to do with the issue(s) you are fighting about. It is more likely related to some unresolved issue(s) in your past that you are allowing to creep into your present situation. Take this competitive energy and use it to redecorate your home, plant a beautiful garden, advance your career or improve your work-out. If you insist on using it in your relationship, there is a pretty good chance that, in the final analysis, you won’t have one. You will have won your argument, and be all alone to savor your victory; “to the victor goes the spoils”. Your victory might just leave you thinking if it was really all that important to win the argument at all costs after all?

Sure, all couples fight. If the way we fight destroys our relationship, we need to stop and think about how important it is to “win”. Winning only happens if, once the fight is over, you are still

Building Together a Relationship filled with Love, Health & Wealth

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
twitter@drpattyann
facebook@drpattyann