“My marriage of 7 years has fallen apart. We fought over and over with no resolve due to communication issues. I ended up pushing her away, and telling her I wanted a divorce over and over. We ended up getting an attorney and pretty much had one foot in the door. All we had to do is pay the $. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I didn’t want the divorce. I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me. She refused, said she had been going to individual counsleing, and had gotten to a place where she had moved on. I am devistated. I want her back, I have tried talking to her over and over again, but she says she loves me, but isn’t in love with me anymore. She says she wants to get the divorce, be good friends, and then “let’s see what happens”. I don’t know what to do. I want to be friends with her because she is the love of my life and I care so much about her, but I find it extremely difficult to turn off my feelings when I am around her. All I think about is touching her, and being intimate. She obviously rejects any of that. It’s so painful.”

- He (42, Denver, CO)

“My wife of 9 years and 3 children announced she is gay. In addition, shortly thereafter she had a meltdown and we found out she is severly bipolar. When she says she doesn’t want sex anymore but she still loves me, I’m her best friend and she still wants to remain married but no sex. she still want to kiss, snuggle, sleep in same bed, etc…. I feel we are disconnected now, no intimacy, a wedge between us. ‘we had issues in our marriage but nothing I thought we couldn’t work on for improvement. What does it mean to be gay. I’m having trouble with this. I’m not blaming her but she is setting conditions wihtout my input. Don’t I matter too? I don’t know how much is bipolar how much is gay. I’m very confused by all of this. If she isn’t wanting me sexually, does she really care about me and love me? I feel it means our relations has taken several steps back and we are not connected as we should be-we’re not giving ourselves fully and completely physically and emotionally. Any thoughts or suggestions?”

- Terry (43, Vienna)

“In 2006 I met a guy called Rich he had a brother (Mario) that lived next to me and I thought he was cute. I told rich i know you brother he lives around my home. eventually I met (mario) he had a girl. but we slept together anyways. I was on the rebound at the time. after that time it never happen again. now 2010 I meet Rich for the 1st time. it was a connection we felt it. but i know is wrong to want to date the brother now, I think it would not be right morally, we start getting to know each other. Rich knows what happen between me and his brother and at 1st I’m sure he wanted to just sleep with me till he got to know me. So about a few weeks ago we hit it off we took it there. we were intimate it was great, wonderful etc. I really like him he said that with his brother situation in the middle things would be difficult but he knew this from the beginning but got intimate anyways. after that happen we have been in contact by phone only but have not seen each other. He told me would i deal with him if the tables were turn. I said I didn’t know. Someone told me in order for that to work between Rich & you he has to ask the Brother Mario for his OK. b/c that will always haunt him the fact that you and his brother were intimate even if it was only one time. I want to know why would he keep contact with me even after what happen between us everyday he says Good morning to me. I like him a lot but I am confused. and i know this is not right but, why continue to give hope to something that might never be. Can he just be trying to be nice about it even though he looks like a jerk anyway.”

- Gina (35, Bronx, NY)

This question is one that many women ask themselves when they start gaining weight. Does he still love me? On the surface this is a very simple question with a very simple answer…of course he still loves you. The problem is that whether he “Loves” you still may not be the only question you should be asking.

First let me discuss some of the rules of attraction as they relate to both men and women.

For women, the emotional and physical parts of a relationship are very much interlaced with one another. This is the reason romance novels exist. Women become aroused by romance, exotic encounters, and heart felt gestures more than they do than visual stimuli. Often times a woman will not become intimate with a man unless she is either experiencing or hoping for an emotional bond. As a result, it is common for a man who becomes somewhat heavier or who provides a less than amazing sex life to be allowed to compensate with an amazing personality and kindness.

Men are very different in this aspect. The reason for this is that their need for an emotional relationship and their need for sexual gratification operate independently from one another. Although they can be interlaced at times, they function just fine on their own. A man can have an emotional bond to a woman and not desire her sexually, yet that sexual desire will not go away and must be gratified. In contrast to women, a man’s sexual arousal is almost completely visual…thus the success of the porn industry. A mancan become aroused without any emotional attachment at all as long as what he sees is sexually appealing to him. Although a man will not stop loving his partner if she gets fat, problems will certainly arise if he is no longer attracted to her.

So how does this affect you and how do you handle this situation?

To get started, you need to evaluate yourself and find out if there is really a problem or not. Women are often very self conscious about their weight, sometimes to a point of paranoia. I guarantee you that if you put on 5-10 lbs, no matter what your starting weight, your man is probably never going to notice. Actually, if you were extremely skinny it’s likely that you’ll be complimented on how nice and curvy you look as your breasts and back side fill out. Even 20-30 lbs will rarely make much of a difference to a man. Men don’t pay nearly as much attention to your body size as you do.

The problem begins when you have gained 60+ pounds (of course this varies with height, but it’s a good average). This amount of weight is no longer evenly distributed acrossyour body, and will most likely become noticeable to your man. An additional problemis that this amount of weight gain is really unhealthy, and will inhibit activities you had previously enjoyed. This change in lifestyle may be as much a problem as the weight itself.

Some men don’t mind the weight gain at all, and some actually prefer women a bit curvier. However, for others the extra weight can make them less attracted to you. What you have to keep in mind is that it is not you personally that they have a problem with. Men are stimulated by visual cues and this is what arouses them. It is very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship if your man no longer finds you attractive.

The key is talking to your partner. You may find he has no clue what you’re talking about. He probably hasn’t even noticed that you gained any weight! If he has noticed and feels it might be an issue, then its decision time for you. Is it worth it to you to keep this guy around? Would he lose weight for you if you asked him to?

If you have an honest relationship with your partner, then he will discuss it with you and you can work together to get back in shape. After all, it will create a healthier lifestyle and better sex for both of you if you are eating healthy and working a healthy food plan. If you are self conscious about it then watch your diet and figure out an exercise routine on your own, he will notice your effort and will be very glad to support you.

If you need a boost in the right direction, there are also weight loss products such as Xenical that can help block fat and assist you in losing weight. The most important thing is to communicate with your man, let him know you value his opinion, and he will always love you for who you are.

About the Author: Joe Douglas holds a B.A in Literature and currently writes for AccessRx.com, an online facilitator for Viagra online and other safe FDA-approved medications such as Cialis. Joe uses his research scientist skills to cover and uncover big pharma news he shares on the AccessRx Blog.

So can you stay friends with your ex? Of course you can, if you want to continue with a series of disastrous relationships in the future. There are a few exceptions to this rule, but for 99.9% of people keeping an ex as a close friend will spell disaster for any future relationships.

Maybe your partner said they really don’t mind? Yeah, they’re lying. Your new intimate partner absolutely does not want you spending time with an old fling. They don’t want to seem controlling, but as soon as you mention it they will immediately start doubting your relationship. Let me explain why.

First, your new partner does not know this person and will always suspect that you still have feelings for them. You did before, so what is there to stop it from happening again? Maybe you trust your ex, but I guarantee you that your new partner does not. All it will take is one instance of an inappropriate comment, look, or touch between you and your ex….or even an imagined occurrence, and the two of you will be in the biggest fight of your relationship.

Next is the insecurity. When you are dating someone you want to be able to provide them with something their “friends” can’t; an intimate relationship above and beyond anything a mere friend could ever provide. Well guess what? You and your ex have already achieved that connection. Since your ex is still obviously providing something emotionally that your new partner can not, their insecurity will kick in and the trust will diminish. Insecurity leads to paranoia, which leads to distrust. Without trust the relationship is doomed to fail.

Finally, keeping an ex around as a friend causes resentment. This can cause the partner to reconnect with their “exes” out of spite. Do you trust them to go spend time with their exes knowing that they’re trying to get back at you? Games like this inevitably lead to mistakes either in actions or words, which are more often than not irreversibly damaging to a relationship.

I have known a limited few people who were able to remain friends with their exes, but they were usually childhood friends before ever dating. Even out of these few examples,I know of absolutely none for whom it has not become a source of multiple arguments, suspicion, and resentment from their new partners.

The bottom line is, if the relationship is over…it needs to really be over. You can appreciate the time you had with the person and be kind when your paths cross. However, if your contact goes beyond the occasional greeting when you happen to meet, then you have leaped into a downward spiral that will only end in the loss of your new romance and many more in the future.

About the Author: Stacey Cavalari holds a B.A in Communications and currently writes for Viamedic.com, a safe pharmacy for consumers to obtain FDA-approved medications such as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra Online. Stacey uses her communications and research skills to cover health and wellness on the Viamedic.com Blog.

For a guy it is more like a light switch, you just give them a bit of attention and they are ready to go. Often times a man doesn’t really care for the foreplay, and in a marriage it can even become aggravating if he always has to put a lot of effort into something he could take care of himself in a few minutes. Yes, by take care of it, I mean masturbation,which is completely healthy until it is replacing sex in your marriage.

When one partner is no longer being satisfied, it begins a very dangerous spiral. If a man is not being satisfied physically, he will not feel obligated to satisfy his partner. When neither partner is being satisfied, it inevitably causes wandering eyes in a search for someone new who can provide this pleasure.

Don’t think love alone will hold your marriage together. If someone is constantlysexually frustrated, they WILL find the solution outside of the marriage. It may not happen immediately, but it will certainly happen.

So what is the solution to this problem? By the title you are probably thinking one of two things at this point. No, I’m not going to suggest that you substitute sex with masturbation, or that you use your dildo on your husband (I guess you can try if you want, but probably not the best idea.)

Just like everything in a relationship, there has to be compromise when it comes to sex. A man is just as satisfied by you jumping on him and knocking out a quickie as he is with an hour long romp in the sheets. Actually, the spontaneity of an aggressive female is often MORE arousing than any amount of foreplay and cuddling for a guy. This is part of the game for a guy, and this is what will keep your husband craving more.

The answer to this problem is the loveable vibrator. Instead of always expecting foreplay, plan ahead for your husband. Women take much longer physically to become physically aroused, so use your vibrator to your advantage. Beat your man home from work by about 15 minutes, slip into something comfortable, and let the vibrator go to work. By the time he gets there you can meet him at the door and tackle him. I guarantee he will never turn down this opportunity, and will shower you with affection for your efforts.

Foreplay, romance, and intimacy are very important in a relationship, especially for a female. This is something that a man should willingly provide. However, for a man, spontaneity is equally important, and this is something that a woman must understand and also provide. If either of these elements are missing, it will be nearly impossible to havea healthy sexual relationship.

Remember, that if you keep your partner happy they will be glad to return the favor. This understanding of your partner’s sexual and emotional needs will form the foundation for an intimate and long lasting marriage.

About the Author: Patrick Hopkins holds a B.A in Journalism and currently writes for eDrugstore.MD, an online facilitator for Viagra online and other safe FDA-approved medications such as Propecia for hairloss. Patrick uses his journalism skills to cover big pharma news he shares on the eDrugstore.MDHealth Blog.

1. Romantic Date Idea – If you’ve been dating or married for a while, having a romantic date night is sure to bring back the spark. Send the kids to a friend’s house for a sleepover or spend the night at a hotel (my personal favorite, wink). “Hotel dates” are romantic because they seem to add an element of seduction. Whether at home or in a hotel, kick it up a notch and play some games like role-playing or pretending you are strangers. Be creative – this is fun – believe me!

2. Romantic Day Idea – This is not a repeat of #1. The idea of a romantic day is to spend the day together teaching your partner something new – a sport, a hobby or a craft (you get the idea). Be patient and creative in your teaching – and make it fun! This is a great way to get your partner to join you in your favorite hobby or interest –without coercing them. Reward the day’s learning experience with a celebratory dinner or drink! – and watch the love runneth over! It is a win-win!

3. Romantic Gift Idea – Create an album or scrapbook of your “life” story together – include information about the first time you met, your first date together, romantic moments, dates and times shared together. Include ticket stubs, cards, brochures, and any other important momentos signifying special occasions spent together. I have done this and my husband loved it!

4. Romantic Games that Costs you Nothing – Play a game together. For example, ask 10 – 20 questions of each other. This is a totally open, no holds barred chance to get to know each other better. You never know what kind of intimate and sexy information might be revealed to spark some intimate and sexy interludes after the game. Bring it on!

The list is really endless for romantic ways to spark romance and intimacy in your relationship. The 4 ideas written above just happen to be some of my favorite – they are easy, creative, inexpensive and fun! Whatever ways you come up with to renew the spark of intimacy in your relationship is great – the most important thing is to take this season of spring as a chance to spark and re-ignite the flames of passion and love in your relationship – it doesn’t really matter how you do it. Just do it!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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Take your cod liver oil. It’s good for you.

Exercise daily. It’s good for you.

Have sex. It’s good for you.

Huh? Broccoli, cod liver oil, exercise and sex are all in the same do-it-cuz-it’s-good-for-you category. Don’t you think that argument (and we’ve heard a lot of it lately) makes having sex sound like something you do while holding your nose?  Something you have to do because it’s good for you? Imagine saying to your sweetheart, “Okay, had my daily dose of veggies, went for a run, took my vitamins and fish oil, so how ‘bout it, babe, ready for a roll in the day?” Yeah, that’ll stoke the fires. Not.

If the it’s-good-for-you argument really worked, we’d all be in great shape with a ‘frig full of fruits and veggies instead of a freezer full of Haagen Dazs ice cream. And we’d all be late to work if you know what I mean. No woman would ever again say, “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache.” Why? Because the mere act of hugging, kissing and engaging in any kind of sexual activity releases the our-good-friend hormone oxytocin.  Yep, that’s the stuff in painkillers that’s so easy to become addicted to.  We’d all be having rip-roaring romps in the hay, despite a headache, backache or pain in the neck—because it would be just what the doctor ordered!

We’d all have healthy hearts. If we had a daily dose of sex, the number of fatal heart attacks would drop dramatically because of all the increased circulation, exercise and stress relief benefits of sex.

We’d all be in great shape because having sex burns calories. Heck, you don’t even need a weight set or a jump rope for this one (unless you add a little creativity to the mix…!)

And, we’d all have a rosy, healthy glow.

When, I ask you, was the last time you had sex because it’s good for you? I never have. I don’t think of sex as a chore, something I have to do in order to stay healthy. I think of sex as a mini-vacation with my sweetheart, something to be enjoyed, a time for fun. It’s when we escape the job, the kids, the bills, the worrying, the dog…(just add your own list here and roll your eyes). Curling up in the arms of your sweetheart and feeling his or her breath on your ear—or his or her arms around you—there’s just nothing like it.

Look, I get it. I really do. We all let the demands of daily life get in the way. It’s easy for me to tell you to get a babysitter, schedule a date night, make time for yourselves. If it were as easy to put into action, however, we wouldn’t need Relationship Coaches or my book Frequent Foreplay Miles.  Instead of thinking of having sex as something to do because it’s good for you, think of it as giving you more than the two-weeks vacation most of have every year. Take mini-vacations together, in the bedroom. Taking the time to be IN the love that you work so hard to create, well, that’s the good stuff in life.  It is the reward. Not making time for those simple loving moments says a lot more than you’re tired.  Definitely something to think about.

Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Speaker and Amazon Bestselling Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy.

We love our partner and we are committed to our relationship with them. Deep down in our heart and soul we know we truly want to be in love with them forever. In spite of this yearning to be close to the one we love, there are some common mistakes we make – sometimes on a daily basis – that prevents our dream relationship from coming true. Below are three common intimacy mistakes you must stop now to keep the flames alive in your relationship.

1. Criticizing and Belittling. People do not realize how often they criticize their partner (and people in general) throughout the course of a day. We might criticize the clothes they wear, the type of movies they like to watch or the music they listen to. Or we may criticize their opinions on anything and everything. Whatever it is you are criticizing your partner about – you must stop this now if you want to keep the flames of love alive in your relationship.

Think about this for a moment. Would you want to spend an extended amount of time with someone who is constantly criticizing you? Of course not! When we constantly criticize our partner, we are, in fact, belittling them. Whether that is your intention or not, belittling your partner is the consequence of criticizing them. So if you are hoping to spend many passionate days and nights with your partner, stop the criticizing and begin accepting them for who they are!

2. Resentment. Resentment acts like carbon monoxide in your relationship – it is an invisible silent killer that destroys all those who come in contact with it. If you and your partner hurt each other, which is inevitable in any relationship, the ability to forgive one another is paramount if you want to go the distance. The inability to forgive our partner creates resentment in our relationship. Forgiveness is the antidote to resentment and will go a long way to secure romance and intimacy in your relationship.

Unchecked resentment builds up and acts like an emotional wedge that comes between our self and our partner. Be willing to give to your partner what you will ask for someday – forgiveness. Sooner or later you will seek it from your partner too! And remember, you cannot ask from your partner that which you are not willing to give to them!

3. Unappreciated. It would be impossible for me to count the number of times I have heard people complain they feel unappreciated by their partner. As we become more comfortable with our partner, we sometimes forget to acknowledge the things they do for us. Couples who are able to increase their sense of intimacy and commitment to each other know that it is important to show your appreciation to your partner for the love they give to you and the things they do for you.

Appreciation can be shown in small every day acts of kindness. For example, bringing your partner a cup of coffee in the morning, or their favorite newspaper to read in bed are two very simple, but effective ways to show your partner how much you appreciate them. Remember, actions speak louder than words – so don’t forget to show your appreciation in your deeds as well as your words!

This article has provided you with three common mistakes you might be making that are preventing you from achieving the love and intimacy you crave in your relationship. Think about the ways you may, unwittingly, be criticizing your partner and stop it immediately! Building up resentment because you refuse to forgive your partner for past slights takes up more energy than it deserves – and zaps the romance out of your relationship. Neither you nor your partner is perfect so give it up already and let it go. Life is too short to hold onto past hurts. Finally, remember to show appreciation to your partner for the love and joy they bring to your life.

It you avoid these three common mistakes you are guaranteed to keep the flames of love burning brightly for years to come!

Today, I would like to give you the gift of gratitude. Gratitude is the ability to be grateful for all that we have in our lives. I am incredibly grateful to all the people with whom I share my life: my family, my friends and my loyal readers who know they can look to my articles for effective ways to increase the love and beauty of their romantic relationship.

Albert Einstein once said: “There are only two ways to live your life, one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as if everything is.” This life philosophy is based upon an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful for everything in your life and consider everything and everyone around you to be a miracle.

To be grateful in your relationship is to look at your relationship through a lens of abundance and appreciation. Focus on all the positives in your relationship – not the negatives. Be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on and being resentful for what you don’t have – or what you think you should have more of.

When you look at your relationship and your life through the eyes of gratitude – your world becomes a place of joy and happiness. Gratitude is a mindset that allows us to see the good in our partner and our life.

Here is my secret strategy for bringing gratitude into your relationship. Think about one nice thing that your partner said or did for you today – and be thankful for it. Be aware of how you feel as you think about this. Doesn’t it make you feel warm and loved? Let that feeling stay with you for a few moments and then go on with your day. Gratitude is also easily expressed by a thank-you or a hug; these are simple little acts that bring the giver so much love and appreciation in return for these easy gestures. 

Feeling grateful makes us feel good about ourselves and our relationships. Gratitude puts positive feelings into our relationship and allows it to expand from a place of love and abundance. Gratitude increases the bond we have with our partner and helps us resolve conflict in a healthy constructive manner.

Gratitude puts us in a place where we truly want to give back to the world for all that we have. When we are faced with conflicts in our relationship, if we approach these conflicts from a place of gratitude, we will feel less inclined to escalate these differences because we are not feeling the need to “win at all costs”.

The mindset and expression of gratitude in your day to day life helps solidify all your relationship and acts as glue for maintaining intimacy in your romantic relationship. When we show gratitude to our partner, we are letting them know we appreciate the love and intimacy they have brought into our lives.

Be grateful for all the love you have in your life. And my gift to you on my birthday is to give you my gratitude for our relationship. It is my hope you will give and show gratitude to the people you love in your life- and you will watch it spread like wild fire because gratitude is contagious.

Remember, gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving; I’ve given it to you as my birthday gift with the sincere hope that you will give it away to the ones you love! And you will see how much more you will get back in return!