So, let’s say you are ready; your past is in check, you’re in a great relationship with yourself and are now sincerely looking to find that special someone to share your life with! Let me remind you, there are 1.45 million potential partners out there for you, so not to worry; you get to relax and enjoy the process. I know, I have been single, and even under the best circumstances it can be anxiety-producing to put yourself out there, so let’s set you up to succeed! Which is why I was to share part of my tried and true inner-view process that will help you navigate your way through the many potential dates and mates, helping steer you towards those whom you feel might be a good fit and away from those you don’t!

So here’s your mission, should you decide to accept it:
1.Remember who you are and what you want
2.Do not compromise your non-negotiables
3.Lead with your authentic self, not your seduction routine
4.Go for it!

Plan B: The Inner view
It takes time and work to get to know people, so select your candidates carefully. One way to make the initial process easier is to continue to deepen and use your inner navigational system, your intuition! Never underestimate your hunches and gut feelings; 97% of all our communication is made pre-cognitively, which also means the body NEVER lies. Learn how to trust this mechanism.

Let’s start out with a few reminders about GREAT relationships:
Love does not have a shelf life, it’s an energy field which emanates and is generated from and by you, therefore no one can give it to you or take it away.
Intimacy grows as a result of trust and respect!
Take as long as you like. You don’t get to have your first kiss twice, making love is sacred and a privilege, and taking your time to get to know a person is healthy. Waiting as long as you need will be respected by anyone truly interested in a real relationship!

Three essentials to ascertain before you give out your contact info and why;
1.Who is this person and who do you know that knows them? In this day and age keeping this boundary, at minimum, is ESSENTIAL. Do they live nearby, where do they work or shop? You need to establish some basics before you go handing out your 411 so you don’t need a 911. I always recommend that until you have firmly established someone you have never met before as a member of some community or organization ask for their name and then Google them!
2.Are they single? Many people make the mistake of thinking because someone acknowledges them, is paying attention or flirting with them, they are single. NOT ALWAYS!
3.Are they available? Just because someone isn’t married or in a committed relationship doesn’t mean they are available. They could be sleeping with someone or several other people, have a girlfriend, don’t want a relationship, are just looking for casual sex, or are simply yanking your chain.

Where do they live? Finding out if someone is GU (geographically undesirable) is important, as the average person who truly is ready for a relationship doesn’t want the added hassle of relocating, long distance relationships or the stress it brings.

Asking these questions shouldn’t be too hard—after all, what have you got to lose? Bottom line, anyone will respect you for taking care to take care of yourself. By the way, this information right here not only could help prevent you getting your heart broken, it could save your life!

Stay tuned for the next blog report which reveals the top 5 questions you should ask every man on a first date and the number-one thing you should know before you do.
For more info about Maryanne’s tv/webinar series on inner-viewing, In the Ring with Maryanne, www.maryannelive.com.

“I Broke off with my boyfriend an year back as he moved abroad for his studies and moreover he said he was getting very serious for me but was sure that we cannot have a future as our families would never approve our relationship. Just after our break up he nearly begged to be friends with him. We decided to be friends. After two months he himself told me that he was in a relationship with some other girl and that was also a long distance relationship.

We were in continuous contact after that. We even met once after that and we kind got intimate in that meeting(intimacy of not a very high degree). I told him that I was not over him. He said he was thinking about me but he also accepted the fact that he was in a relationship with some other girl and called it a “sin” to think about me.

We continued as friends after that and we are still in contact.
He often calls me and if i dont take the call he calls me like 9-10 times in one
go. In our last conversation he said that he is very happy with the relationship we share and gets upset when he thinks about the past.

I STILL MISS HIM AND I LOVE HIM ALOT.
BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT ME. I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN. WHAT DO I DO? PLEASE HELP!!”

- Ria (20, India)

It cannot be emphasized enough the value of making direct eye contact when communicating with our partner.

The more sensitive the communication, the more critical it is to have direct eye contact with our partner and maintain it throughout the length of the conversation. This is because direct eye contact lets our partner know we are truly listening to what they are saying to us. Perhaps just as importantly direct eye contact allows us to feel the message beyond the words. And I know you know what I mean.

Direct eye contact also minimizes the chance for miscommunication while increasing the chance that everyone feels respected, whether you and your partner are agreeing with each other or not.

Unless you are a world class liar, (and they do exist) it is almost impossible to be dishonest with someone when you are looking directly into their eyes. Honesty is a vital sign for any healthy relationship. Looking directly into our partner’s eyes when communicating with them is the best way of letting them know you are being honest with them.

Eyes are the windows to the soul. Really. Every healthy relationship allows their partners to have a glimpse into each other’s soul. Isn’t this what intimacy, trust and romance in our relationship is all about?

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.drpattyann.com
www.drpattyann.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
Dr. Patty Ann on Facebook

In today’s economy, we all need to save and most of us have less do-re-mi to spend on a night on the town, let alone a weekend getaway. As a result, a couple’s date night too often involves a remote control and, before you know it, you’re in that rut you said you’d never fall into. So, try this on for size . . .

Put a decorative bag or box in the bedroom and every time you have sex, throw money in it. Pick an amount based on your economic ability and set a savings goal. Brenda and Gill wanted to go to Hawaii and, at the time (which was before this economic crunch) they could each afford $20 with every occasion of conjugal bliss. What’s more, they gave tips for exceptional performance and multiple Big O’s! It took them less than a year to earn that trip. And, I swear, I never saw them without a smile on their faces which leads to the next point.

More sex can be good for your bank account and it’s definitely good for your relationship and your health. This is a time when fear of job loss, worries about economic security, and everything from wars to oil spills to global warming to you name it, can lead to down-in-the-dumps lethargy or even full-on depression. Having sex is the antidote. Sex stimulates feel-good hormones and helps you stay in your happy place despite the economy. It relieves stress and who among us can’t use a little stress relief? It helps keep your immunity in tiptop shape. It increases and helps you sustain emotional intimacy. Now, more than ever, we all need feel-good hormones, to be in our happy place, to have less stress, be healthier, and have greater emotional intimacy. And who can’t use a bigger bank account?

Open your Sex Savings Account and start making deposits today. It doesn’t matter whether you toss in twenty bucks or a quarter. Make it within your economic reach, set a goal, and see how quickly you can get there. Next time you’re tempted to splurge on a fattening Starbucks coffee, think about adding to your Sex Savings Account instead. Rather than buy lunch, pack a brown bag and use the savings for a deposit to your Sex Savings Account. With a little thought you’ll come up with dozens of ways to spend less on stuff you don’t need and put more into your Sex Savings Account. You’ll have more money. You’ll feel better. You’ll smile more. And, you’ll be closer than ever to each other. Pretty cool, huh?

Shela Dean, Relationship Coach, Speaker & Author

http://www.ShelaDean.com; http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com

Fighting – or conflict if we want to get a little fancy with our words here – is a normal – even healthy part of any intimate relationship. You know this is true. Unless you are a “Stepford Wife” or “Stepford Girlfriend”; do you remember this movie? The one where the wives were killed and replaced with robots who were programmed to look and act like the perfect wife? Ugh, gross – I am cringing. Anyway, since you are not a Stepford Wife (thank goodness) – you and your partner are not going to feel and think the same way about every issue and/or situation that comes along. In other words, you and your partner – both having a mind of your own, are bound to disagree and hence, fight at times.

Therefore, the trick to maintaining love and intimacy in your relationship is NOT to avoid the fact that you and your partner may be angry with each other or feel differently about some issues; rather it is to bring these angry and/or differing feelings out into the open so you are both fully aware of them. And this is where tip #1 begins – communication.

1. Communicate your feelings about what is bugging or upsetting you.

I wish I had a nickel for every time someone told me: “I shouldn’t have to tell him/her that I am upset about blah, blah, blah (whatever it is the person is upset about) – he/she should know. HELLO?! Well maybe he/she should know- but so what? If they don’t know – tell them. Your relationship is not a game – with a winner or loser. You don’t want to go there. Your relationship is a partnership – so act like it is and communicate your feelings – There is too much at stake to be playing a guessing game.

2. Listen to what your partner has to say. That’s right- you’ve said your piece about what is bothering you or how you are feeling about a particular situation. Now it is time for you to be quiet and let your partner tell you how they feel about the situation – and what you just said.

Don’t interrupt them and be truly open to hearing their side of the issue and conflict. There is a pretty good chance you played some role, albeit minor, to get you to where you are feeling now. Now relax, I am not suggesting that you are to blame – I am only suggesting there is no such thing as a one-handed clap. Got it?

3. Be open and willing to compromise – and forgive – if the situation calls for it. Chances are your partner did not deliberately set out to upset or hurt you. Misunderstandings and miscommunications happen all the time.  Hey, we are all only human and we all need to be able to compromise and forgive at some point in our relationship – if we are in it for the long haul. Remember, the future might call for you to be forgiven by your partner – so what goes around, comes around.

And while we are talking about compromising, let’s not forget that sometimes we need to be able to “agree to disagree”, respectfully, of course.

The next time you and your partner are not on the same page, or in disagreement over some issue – make sure you tell your partner. They can’t read your mind and they don’t have a crystal ball. After you have said your piece, zip it and listen to what your partner has to say. Finally, be ready and willing to compromise and forgive – whatever the situation might call for. There is no value in you winning the battle only to lose the war. And finally, it is okay to respectfully “agree to disagree”.

Relationships are like life – they take you down paths and roads that twist and turn and often take you off course. The secret is to enjoy the journey with the one you love – and don’t sweat every unexpected detour and pothole that comes your way.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.drpattyann.com

It is amazing how many myths are out there for keeping romance alive in your relationship. Woman’s magazines, radio talk shows, TV shows and newspapers are filled with inaccurate information dealing with relationship advice, some of which includes the topics of  how to keep your romance alive, how to keep your man happy, how to skyrocket your sex life, how to…, how to…, how to…and on and on and on. And what is so incredible is that so much of this information is wrong, false, and inaccurate and yet it abounds in mythical proportions. I often wonder if their is there some “myth maestro” out there who spends his days and nights making up all sorts of crap about everything under the sun. Then he throws this absurd information out there –  “spins it off as truth” and then watches as  peoples relationships unravel within the midst of all this erroneous information.

Regardless of their origins, relationship myths, much to my consternation, negatively impacts your relationship – and that, to me, is totally unacceptable. Throughout my years helping couples increase intimacy and romance in their relationships, I have seen first hand the chaos and damage these relationship myths have created.

So today I am going to debunk 3 common, and what I believe to be ridiculous relationship myths that I have heard and/or read throughout the years – and ones that I know you have heard too! After having read this article, it is my hope that your relationship will not fall prey to all the false information out there on how to increase romance and intimacy in your relationship!

Myth #1 Never go to bed angry with each other. Are you kidding me? Relationships are not TV shows where all issues get wrapped up and resolved within a one hour time frame ( which is really a twenty – forty minute time frame if you include all the commercials). Some – if not most – important relationship issues are just too impossible, complicated or emotionally – driven to be resolved within 24 hours. Thinking you “should not” go to bed angry at each other because that is what the “experts” told you, often leaves you getting angrier and angrier at each other as you attempt to resolve an emotional issue before you go to bed. I would love to hear from all the couples out there how often that approach has worked for you in the past? Yeah, I didn’t think it did.

Therefore, I often advice couples to stop trying to resolve an issue that appears to be particularly difficult for one reason or another and just go to bed – even if you are pissed off at each other. Sleep on it and then re-visit the issue when clearer heads prevail. It is amazing how much a good night’s sleep can put things in a better perspective in the morning.

Myth #2 Happy couples never fight. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Happy couples do fight; in fact, it is the manner in which a couple fights that determines their happiness. The ability to communicate your differences with respect and understanding are the qualities that happy couples exhibit when they fight.

Healthy happy couples stick to the issue at hand and do not engage in what I refer to as “character assassination”, i.e. name calling, yelling and screaming at each other and false accusations that their partner’s position or opinion is “stupid”, “dumb” or “just plain wrong”.

Also, when happy couples fight, they realize there are some issues that they will never see eye to eye on.  These couples understand that all differences can not, in fact, be resolved. Therefore, happy couples “agree to disagree respectfully” and then move on.  In other words they accept the fact that sometimes, It is what it is.

Myth #3 Happy couples share ALL their feelings and emotions with each other ALL the Time. Not exactly. In my humble and professional opinion, nothing could be further from the truth and more damaging to a relationship. There is no one, and I mean absolutely no one, with whom I would want to share all of my thoughts and feelings with all of the time. Many feelings are personal and should be kept that way. Does your partner really need to know that you don’t like something that they absolutely treasure?  Share your  feelings and emotions with an understanding of how they will impact your partner. Communicating feelings and information which will only cause hurt and pain, for no good reason, does not make any sense – so keep it to yourself!

With all of the above said,  I hope some of the pressure is off you trying to do the impossible in your relationship!  Remember, if you want to increase romance and happiness in your relationship it is really okay to go to bed angry with each other; happy couples do, indeed, fight but they fight fair, and finally, happy couples do not, in fact, share all their feelings and emotions with each other all the time!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.drpattyann.com
www.drpattyann.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
Dr. Patty Ann on Facebook

“My wife of 42 years is only affectionate if I initiate it. We’re in our mid-60’s now and our first 10 years were fantastic and I would like to find some way to just bring part of that back. Over the years, I have tried repeatedly to find the “right” time but it doesn’t matter. No time seems to be the right time. If I wait for her, it just doesn’t happen. I make it a point to tell her she is beautiful even when we first wake up in the morning. We can cuddle in bed for a while (the only time I can get close to her) but then she “has” to get up. Kissing is only lasts about 5 seconds and I have to make her put her arms around me even then. We can hold hands in public occasionally but, I have to reach across the car to even touch her while I’m driving. We kiss and hug each other good night, good morning and good bye (when one of us leaves). But, if I try to kiss, hug or even touch her any other time, she can’t seem to stop what she’s doing for even 5 seconds to respond. And, again, I’m the one that has to start any of that for it to happen at all. As for sex, I know she has vaginal dryness and even rubbing causes her pain. I even made some suggestions to offer some help. I’ve even purchased a vaginal cream and lubricant for her but, she won’t have anything to do with them. And yes, I have had some health issues that are now resolved that had contributed to ED. About 9 months ago, I brought all of this up and tried to talk about it. I said that all of this makes me very sad that we have lost something that we may never get back. I also said that that I could understand why all of this would give guys my age a reason to cheat (I never have).Unfortunately, that just seemed to make things worse because she felt cornered. While she is willing to help satisfy me, she has told me she doesn’t want or need it. That just makes me feel guilty for asking and like I’m begging. If I make a move to touch her vagina, she pushes my hand away which makes me feel rejected. It really isn’t any fun without my wife being a willing and active participant.

I understand that having babies and aging do take their toll on hormone levels. Our two sons were born in 1971 and 1975. It was about 4 or 5 years later that I began to notice that things were declining. I have tried many times in the past to discuss this with my wife but, to no avail. We do travel quit a bit and have gone on many cruises and have a great time doing that. But, it is becoming more difficult because there is just so little affection any more. My even writing this blog is an indication of how desperate I am to find some way to fix this. I’m to the point now that if I had to choose, I would opt for just the return of our physical exchanges of affection over sex. I’m getting old too and while things do still work, they’re sure not as well as used to be. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t still be physically affectionate with each other. I dream and even fanaticize how it would be for her to just grab me and passionately kiss me again.

Am I expecting too much of a woman in her 60’s?”

- Dave (65, Pawleys Island, SC)

All relationships require some effort and creativity to keep your s-e-x life fired up. Many couples make the mistake of focusing on the frequency, or lack thereof, of the sex in their relationship. This approach will get you no more sex in your relationship than talking about money will actually get you money.

The key for re-igniting your sex life is to focus on the intimacy in your relationship and the sex will come. Concentrate on improving the intimacy in your relationship and the sensual aspect of your relationship will naturally be re-ignited. Relationships that have sensual closeness experience increased intimacy. These are the emotions that act as a spark needed to re-ignite the feelings that connect us to our partner. These sparks are the connections that lead to the firing up of our sex life in our relationship. Without these sparks our sex life crumbles to ashes, taking our relationship with them.

So how do you re-ignite the intimacy in your relationship?

* Take time out for each other. It is essential that you take time out for your relationship as a couple. Schedule a date if you have to, just like you would schedule a haircut or dental appointment. This may sound silly but in today’s world of multi-tasking activities where every minute is accounted for, if you don’t schedule time for your relationship, you won’t have any time for it. And eventually, you won’t have a relationship at all.

* Next, focus on the physical act of touching, not the sexual act. The act of touching is very sensual and fosters an intimate feeling of one-ness. This feeling creates an invisible, seamless transition into foreplay. Take it from there without any expectations. Go with the flow and see where you end up.

* Throw away all your beliefs on how and where you should you have sex. Be open, playful and creative. Create your own unique sexual moments. Try the laundry room or the basement. Role play or talk dirty while making sure your partner is comfortable in the intimate environment you create for each other.

* Finally, be accepting and non-judgmental of where your partner is sexually. Remember, it is the intimacy and sensual closeness you are striving for in your relationship, the sexual act is merely an emotional bonus of this intimacy. Don’t jeopardize a sensual moment with criticism or judgments of any kind.

Does this require a little bit of work? Sure, but the fruits of your labor is sure to fire up your s-e-x life, creating greater intimacy and better sex that will strengthen your relationship for Building Together a Relationship Filled with Love, Health & Wealth.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com

My sweetheart Dale and I are alike in many ways—the same sense of humor, a love of adventure travel, the same political views, an enjoyment of good food. We get along great, have tons of fun together, and almost never quarrel. We also have a very fundamental difference. I’m more of an A-Type and he’s definitely a B-Type. In summary, here’s how Wikipedia describes the two:

• Type A individuals are impatient, time-conscious, have difficulty relaxing, high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays.
• Type B individuals are patient, relaxed and easy-going, generally lacking an overriding sense of urgency.

It should come as no surprise to you, then, that timeliness has always been an issue in our relationship. Rewind the tape back to when we were on our way to an early evening BBQ. I was contributing the salad and we were running late. As I’m glancing at my watch to see just how late we were, Dale pulled off to the side of the road and said, “Wow, look how the afternoon light is falling on the hillside. It’s so beautiful, let’s just enjoy the view for a moment.” Just as I was about to open my mouth to point out we were late and had no time for this silliness, I glanced over at the hillside and, you know what, it was beautiful. After a few minutes, we were on our way and the salad delivered in plenty of time. That was a pivotal moment for me and I wondered how many other beautiful sights I had missed because of my rush through life. Perhaps, I thought, it was time to see the world more through Dale’s eyes. While I’ve still got those Type A tendencies, I’ve learned that there are times, many times, when tapping into my inner Type B makes my life healthier, more enjoyable and more beautiful. My sweetheart taught me to relax and to see beauty I would otherwise have missed.  Wow.

Too many people trash their relationship by trying to make their partner their clone, insisting that their way is the one and only right way. Sure, I could have badgered and nagged Dale into being the clock Nazi I was and, believe me, I did plenty of that in the beginning, arguing that his being late was arrogant and self-centered. Then one day it hit me: it was arrogant and self-centered of me to expect him to become my clone on this issue. Now, I don’t demand perfection and, because he understands how important timeliness is to me, he pays more attention to the clock when it’s truly necessary to be on time. I win. He wins. Our relationship wins.

Your differences can be the source of constant irritation or, if you open your mind and heart, they can be the source of growth and greater closeness.

Shela Dean, Relationship Coach, Speaker & Bestselling Author (http://www.ShelaDean.com)

The formal name for “the love hormone” is known as oxytocin. When we experience happiness, we experience an increase in this “love hormone”. When this “love hormone” is increased in our body, we experience an increase in our sense of attachment to our partner. So what’s the best way to increase oxytocin… our “love hormone”?

Touch is the single easiest way to increase our “love hormone” levels. Could you think of anything easier to do than to touch someone you care about. Think about it. Touching someone you care about is as natural as breathing. Touching, technically referred to as “tactile stimulation”, instantaneously creates an emotional connection between you and your partner and gets the “love hormones” flowing.

If we fall and scrape our knee, we automatically reach down to touch our knee with our hands. We do this because we believe the act of touching our knee will make us feel better. And it does! In our relationship, touching our partner makes us feel better, and more connected because it increases the level of the “love hormone” in our body. This increases our emotional attachment to our partner.

The strength of emotional attachment we feel for our partner forms the basis of the strength in our relationship. A strong emotional attachment creates a strong relationship. A weak emotional attachment creates a weak relationship. It makes perfect sense that as our sense of attachment towards our partner grows, our relationship grows with it.

Holding hands and hugging are just two easy ways we can touch our partner and increase our “love hormone”. I am sure you can think of some more ways.

Touching is the simple, most effective way to increase our sense of emotional attachment to our partner.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com