All relationships require some effort and creativity to keep your s-e-x life fired up. Many couples make the mistake of focusing on the frequency, or lack thereof, of the sex in their relationship. This approach will get you no more sex in your relationship than talking about money will actually get you money.

The key for re-igniting your sex life is to focus on the intimacy in your relationship and the sex will come. Concentrate on improving the intimacy in your relationship and the sensual aspect of your relationship will naturally be re-ignited. Relationships that have sensual closeness experience increased intimacy. These are the emotions that act as a spark needed to re-ignite the feelings that connect us to our partner. These sparks are the connections that lead to the firing up of our sex life in our relationship. Without these sparks our sex life crumbles to ashes, taking our relationship with them.

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One of the coolest things about being in a committed relationship is having someone to grow old with, someone with whom you share so many memories that sitting in the rockers on the porch won’t be boring at all because you’ll have so much to talk about. Equally as cool is how, if you open your mind and heart, your sweetheart can teach you things you might not otherwise ever learn, and can even help you be a better person.

My sweetheart Dale and I are alike in many ways—the same sense of humor, a love of adventure travel, the same political views, an enjoyment of good food. We get along great, have tons of fun together, and almost never quarrel. We also have a very fundamental difference. I’m more of an A-Type and he’s definitely a B-Type. In summary, here’s how Wikipedia describes the two:

• Type A individuals are impatient, time-conscious, have difficulty relaxing, high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays.
• Type B individuals are patient, relaxed and easy-going, generally lacking an overriding sense of urgency.

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Listen up now. The single best way to increase our sense of attachment to our partner is to increase what is nicknamed: “the love hormone”. Sounds simple, right? Well it is.

The formal name for “the love hormone” is known as oxytocin. When we experience happiness, we experience an increase in this “love hormone”. When this “love hormone” is increased in our body, we experience an increase in our sense of attachment to our partner. So what’s the best way to increase oxytocin… our “love hormone”?

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Private jokes. Code words. Shorthand ways of communicating. It’s part of what makes a couple a couple. To hubby Dale and me, for instance, “not pregnant” means “don’t make assumptions.” Here’s how that one came about . . .

We were on the way to an afternoon matinee. I was driving my hot Mustang, chatting and not paying attention when Wham! I rear-ended a van. We pulled into a parking lot. I went to the driver’s side. Dale ran to the other side. He yanked the door open, then said to the large female passenger, “Oh, my God, you’re really pregnant!” She wasn’t.

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Success in anything we do requires commitment, effort and investment of time and energy. The same is true for your relationship. Take a moment and think about how much commitment effort and energy you invest in your relationship. Be honest with yourself. Have you put the kids, your job, housework, your hobby, etc. before your relationship? Have you, albeit unintentionally, neglected your relationship – assuming it will always be there for you?

It is really easy to get caught up in “life”; especially in today’s world of multi-tasking and rushing around all over the place going from activity to activity. But doing all this running around often leaves our most intimate relationship simmering on the backburner – and if we spend too much time ignoring this relationship – we are bound to get burned.

Following are Dr. Patty Ann’s 3 Simple Emotional Investments which will triple the Love and Intimacy in Your Relationship! These investments are easy, simple and very effective!

Mia Asked:

“My husband doesn’t seem very into me these days. 10 years later and three kids, I can’t seem to grab his attention anymore. I just feel like a terrible complaining wife, I look tired, I am tired, and It’s super hard being at home with kids all day. I just don’t know what I should do to make my marriage more enjoyable. Plus I know he works with beautiful professional women all day…and he has to come home to tired ol’ me. Any advise would help.”

- Mia (29, Minneapolis, MN)

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Remember when you and your sweetheart first met? You counted the minutes until you saw him again. You called just to hear her sweet voice. The air was alive with the snap, crackle & pop of sexual energy. You couldn’t get enough of each other and you were always on your best behavior. It was easy to be playful.

Then, you settled into a routine and began to share everyday life. Being on best behavior is like holding in your stomach. You can’t do it forever. Eventually, the real you, foibles and all, made an appearance. It wasn’t and isn’t always pretty. Playfulness takes a back seat when he has to duck and take cover during your PMS tirade…or she has to put up with your road rage…or she promises but forgets to pick up your good suit from the cleaners and you have the most important meeting of your life the next morning…or he helps himself to a piece of the cake you made for a coworker’s birthday party…or when any one of the bazillion annoying things that can happen does.

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Sure, it is important to tell our partner we love them – no doubt about it. But, as the saying goes, talk can be cheap; therefore, back up those 3 little words: “I love you” with actions that validates the true meaning of those words.

1. Write love notes and leave them in the most unexpected places. Notice I didn’t say write love letters – that can take up too much time. Just write short, little notes expressing your love for your partner and leave them in a place where they will least expect it. For example, put the note on the driver’s seat of their car. Or maybe write the words “I love you” in a steamed up mirror when your partner is taking a shower. Or you could put a note in their lunch bag or under their pillow. You get the point – be creative and have fun!

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Touch is essential to intimacy. Okay, I know you think I’ve just stated the obvious but I’m not talking about that kind of intimacy. I’m talking about emotional intimacy and the hand holding, arms around the waist, bear hugging, back rubbing, cheek kissing, fist bumping, high fiving, shoulder rubbing, bottom patting, kind of touching that makes you feel warm and good inside (and can lead to that kind of intimacy). It’s a fact: humans are tactile beings. We thrive on touch. Without it we whither and, no kidding, can actually lose our minds.

A whole bunch of studies have been done on touching and some interesting stuff has been learned. Being touched . . .

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Intimacy. By definition it involves connection. Sexual intimacy is a physical connection; emotional intimacy is a connection of mind, heart and spirit. Great sex is not only a blast, it’s a blessing. If you’ve got it, count your lucky stars. It’s not, however, enough to sustain a fulfilling relationship. For that, you need emotional intimacy and it’s the death-by-a-thousand-cuts destruction of that fundamental requirement that is the downfall of so many relationships. Great emotional intimacy is the most rewarding aspect of being a couple but it requires that you pay attention to a few basic rules:

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