Nathan Asked:

“i’m a white male and i have found that i have never been attracted to white females. i see to be attracted and only attracted to dark complection or black women why is this?”

- Nathan (21, Pontiac, Illinois)

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Brandon Asked:

“I am a white guy, but I am mostly (perhaps only) attracted to black women, especially darker-skinned ones. I find them much more exotically alluring than other types of women. Unfortunately I’ve gotten mixed messages when I tell people I want a relationship with a black woman. Some of them are OK with it, but others accuse me of being racist, superficial, or both. My own parents seem to be in the latter camp. I don’t understand this opposition to my preferences—no one seems to care if other white guys seek out blondes, redheads, or even Asians, so why does my seeking out black women offend so many people? I should add that I don’t actually dislike white or other non-black women, and in fact I am platonic friends with some of them; I just don’t find them physically attractive. Am I still being racist?”

- Brandon (21, Monterey, CA, USA)

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Matthew Asked:

“Hello my name is Matthew and I am 20 year old student. I meet this girl Nikita last year in the halls I now live in, she lives just above me. We had a love hate kind of friendship and would often tease each other a lot sometime a bit too much I must admit. And then last december from out of the blue she said that she liked me very much, and I felt very flattered. Things seemed to progress a bit more to the point that we spent a lot of time together. And then suddenly on December night we got very intimate. And since she is of Indian background their culture has certain norms. Like arranged marriage, no sex before marriage etc. etc. You guys probably know the drill. Then came christmas break and we did not see each other, and when second term started.

Somehow things just picked up. We ended up sleeping beside each other every night and continue to do so. We spend almost an unhealthy amount of time together. We do everything together. I have to admit I like it and I know she does too. Of course there have been some rough fights but I reckon that is part of entering a new stage and acclimatizing.

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I have a little frustration and anger towards social pressures put on all of us to pick a certain type of guy/girl. We go out with someone that does not fit this ideal and we nervously glance around see if anyone recognizes us!  Personally I refuse to go out with the Ken or Barbie of the dating world. I find that they are valued WAY MORE than what they are worth. Barbie is usually a tall blond with big boobs and a powerful Job. Ken is a six footer with sandy hair and inevitably a brainless lawyer that goes to strip bars on the weekends. Why do we value these people so much, when someone a little different might be so much better?  You may not have impressed the friends or family with Akbar the research student but… who… fucking… cares…

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Many people believe that dating people who share your ethnicity is one of the surest ways to find compatibility that works over the long-term. This belief is not simply folk wisdom – it’s actually been supported by psychology studies that focus on romantic longevity. As I think about Barack Obama’s recent presidential election speech which provided a beacon of hope and unity, I wondered for a moment if dating within your ethnicity is a little outdated.

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Rachel Asked:

“My brother is friends with this guy who happens to be black. When I saw him around I would try different ways to make conversation with him, but he never talked too much. A few months ago he got a job at my work and started flirting with me. We started talking a lot and hanging out. Until now I had never dated a black person, but eventually we started having sex. He would always tell me he missed me. At first he would text me all the time and I felt like things were perfect. There is only four other black people who work with us, and people started talking about how one of the black girls was his girlfriend. I stopped talking to him and tried to avoid him. I am not looking to be with someone who is dating another girl. One day while I was at work he happened to be working too, he started talking to me after almost a month of blatantly avoiding me. He was jealous that I was talking to another guy I work with…even though he is the one who started dating this other girl when I made it more then clear I wanted to be with him. He called and wanted to hook up…when I went to his house he kept making comments saying he missed me so much…and how much he liked being with me. Why is he doing this if he is dating the black girl from work. What can I do to show him that even though I am white I can be there on the same level as the black girl. Why would he even want to mess around with me if he already had a girlfriend? I need advice that isn’t just “he’s not worth it…forget it” or, “stop talking to him.”

- Rachel

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