“ok, so my slightly older sister has a friend thats at my house a lot, she took my breath away the first time i saw her. but i didnt do anything because she was just “my sisters friend” but then the other day they invited me to go bowling with them, so i did. Now that night at bowling my sisters friend was talking and joking with me, giving each other “crap”, she seemed to pay more attention to me then my sister (her bestfriend) she kept jokingly hitting me and really seemed interested. we talked about a lot of serious things that have happened in our lives and told each other a lot, it seemed like it was love at first sight… so i got her number, and that night right after i dropped her off she called me and talked for an hour.. then the night was over, and the last few days ive been trying to figure this out… she wont text me first, but yet she does reply when i text her. but it seems like its just friendly talk…when she comes over, she doesnt really say anything to me unless i say something to her. i dont know what to do now! should i wait and see or should i talk to her and see how it goes, i dont wanna annoy her because i dont wanna mess anything up. ive never felt this way for a girl..”

- Ben (18, Shakopee, MN)

“I’ve been living with two girls in a shared house for about 4 months now. I became very close with one of the girls and we eventually started holding hands and ended up sleeping together several times. She has told me she doesn’t want a major relationship and although I feel the same to some extent I am a bit confused as to where I stand. We still hold hands and cuddle up and make out most days but it seems like its always me putting in the first move. She never pushes me away though or says she doesn’t want it which is confusing for me. She works full time and when she gets home she does her own things so I only really get to see her briefly before she gets to sleep. I’m worried because she doesn’t really seem to be giving me as much time as I am willing to give her. We consider each other really good friends but I do want a bit more and considering she doesn’t push me away when I’m  being affectionate I think she does too. What are your thoughts? Where do you think I stand?”

- John (25, Boston MA)

“Dear Counselor,
I’m 21 and a senior in college.
3 weeks ago I had my fraternity Semi-formal and was set up through a co-worker/close friend who goes to a nearby college with this great girl who I had met through our mutual friend a few months earlier. We were barely acquaintances (I just remember her being chill and cute!) She had gotten out of a 3 year relationship just one month ago to some guy who was evidently a total A$$hole to her. This girl is also a senior at her college.
The Semi-formal was amazing. Literally the best date I have been on so far. Dinner was great and we danced our butts off. We talked for hours and hours and went back to my room and cuddled and watched a movie together (DURING the semi-formal!). In the end of the night, I dropped her back to her college and she gave me a goodbye kiss. It’s important to note that we were NOT hammered. In the course of the night we both had a few drinks but (she told me) she was not drunk, just good and buzzed.

The following day I called her. She didn’t pick up, but then texted me back the next day saying she was sorry for not getting a chance to call me back due to big project due for a class (understandable). We texted for a bit and flirted a little bit. I told her I would be off the grid for a bit due to finals but said I would call her on Friday to see if she wanted to hang out that weekend. She said “Okay, call me Friday. Good luck with finals!”
I called her and asked her out to coffee that Friday. She responded by saying she had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t ready to date and wanted to hang out as friends. I wasn’t sure what to do but told her that I had a great time at the date party and ended it there. I decided to simply leave her alone b/c her Finals were going to happen that week. I was pretty crushed about the outcome.
After a week, I contacted my co-worker friend and explained the situation. She ended up talking to the girl the next day asking how the date party went. The friend later told me that the girl “lit up” when they talked about me and said how much fun she had. She said she didn’t know if she’s ready to date but would think about hanging out after the winter break. Her friends (who know me and like me) commented that she should give me a chance and that no one is telling her to rush into a relationship. My friend told me that I should call her, again.
The next day, I called her to see how her finals went . We chatted lightly for a bit and she then said we should hang out after winter break and we both sweetly ended the conversation at that.
Its now the new year, she comes back next week to start her school. We haven’t talked at all during the break. Its been 3, almost 4 weeks (I wanted to give her space and let her just chill out).
How do i approach this and not mess up or get into the friend zone? I am aware that getting her to be my girlfriend might take months, but how do I make it clear that I don’t want to be friends but give her time to heal from her break up.
Cheers,
Rational guy in an irrational state of mind”

- Sam (21, Atlanta, GA)

“I met this girl when i was 13. She was eleven. She was a friend of a friend and i saw her occasionally throughout the next few years. 3 or 4 times i guess. I had a huge crush on her. about 3 years later i somehow ended up talking to her. It was random… this is all pretty irrelevant. What i’m getting at is we ended up together. We were together for about 5 years. She was perfect and i was so in love. I still am. She broke up with me about a year ago. I think she wanted some freedom. Now we talk again. One day she’ll tell me she loves me still, and she wishes things were the way they used to be. And then the next day i’ll feel like i mean nothing to her. I mean, she still asks me to to hang out and everything but when were together she seems uninterested in me. Or she’ll kiss me, and then when i kiss her she seems like its off putting and i made her feel awkward or something. Why does she act as though she doesn’t love me, but tell me she still does?”

- Steve (21, Edison, NJ)

“I have a close friend for like 7years whom i like very much she acts like she likes me to date me but keeps saying she not ready for a relationship because of some family issues she going through and she keeps telling me to find some one else that her brain not ready for relationship at all yest she keeps getting close to me and sharing things my whole family knows her face because she comes over a lot of times please what should i do give her time or wipe my mind of her totally.”

- Odutola (26, Lagos Nigeria)

“There is a guy that i like alot, but he seems very strange around me. When he likes a girl he will make a move, but he treats me different. He is always willing to help anyone with anything, but when i ask him he will have an excuse to help me. When i give him a compliment he will get angry and refuse to take it. When we are with our friends and any girl washes dishes he will help them, but with me he will never help. Do i make him uncomfortable, or why is he treating me like i mean nothing? I try not to make it obvious i like him, but why is he a jerk to me?”

- Anonomys (23)

“Ok…I fell in love with my best friend last year…but at the time he was already breaking my heart, he made new friends, he was totally ignoring me, never invited me when he was going out and in the end, he even told me with an ironic way that he didn’t want to be friend with me cause I was not that interesting and out-going. So I decided to take my revenge, which was, in my point of view, making my own friends and having good time without him. So, I stopped calling him or even saying hello to him when I was seeing him at the faculty. It felt so good, especially when I learned that he cared, I once had to go to his place and he asked me why I was ignoring him exc…it really felt good, but the thing is, it’s not that I was trying to forget him, I was still in love with him and I had fallen into the trap of revenge : it feels good every day more and more, but we get dependent to it, and all of our life is about how to hurt this person. So, after 2 months, I realise that I was still madly in love with him, and I decided to talk back to him and for this time, try to have a realtonship, now that we weren’t that kind of best friends. I though that he would be nice to me this time, and he actually was. My problem was that I didn’t want him to be friends with my group of people, cause that was my line of revenge :doing to him what he did to me, having other friends so I can ignore him when I want to. Anyway, after a weeks and weeks, he did became very good friend with my people, he broke my heart again, this time telling me that he can’t see me in a more that friendly way. He also flirted with my best friend, and she responded in the most cruel way, she told me to forget about him for good, but in the other hand, she was flirting with him in front of my eyes. The point of all this story is, he ”took” all of my friends again, I am not in love with him anymore, but I do think of what he thinks of me, I have this horrible feeling that he laughs at me everyday now that he has my friends. It’s history repeating and I can’t stand it, and I don’t want to start it all over again, making a new group of friends and try to hurt him, what I really want is to truly forget him and yes, make new friends but not on the purpose to show off to him…I just want to live a life that doesn’t involve him at all, but that seems so hard…please if you have good advices, I really want to know them.”

- She (19)

“My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We recently hit a, very rough spot. I allowed my best friend to stay with us for 5 months. My boyfriend and her became close ( not that close). My boyfriend then started breaking up with me every fight we had, this happened for the final time about 30 days ago; my best friend left and I made plans to move, home ( in turn quitting my job and dropping out of school).

I love my boyfriend and best friend. If I give my boyfriend another chance my best friend will hate me and if I don’t I could miss out on something special.”

- Kristin (22, Iowa, US)

“I have a friend who I’ve known for about 2 1/2 years. He’s a good guy, and we have a LOT in common. I’ve liked him for a while, but I have no idea if he likes me back. We have 4 classes together this year, so I see him a lot. He’s always teasing me (all we do is joke around and banter back and forth) and messing with my desk or hitting me with things. However, he does this, minus the hitting, to other people. He can also be really nice and helpful, like helping me in Calc or recommending and loaning books to me or paying for stuff if I forget my wallet. I don’t think he does this to others. I also go over to his house all the time, usually with our group of friends, to play cards or watch movies. We’re really good friends, and I don’t want to make anything needlessly awkward.”

- Audrey (16)

“There is this guy at my work place who got divorced about a year ago, i really thought that his wife was really good for him and he should not have done so. Anyways, so later when we’d socialize in a group enviroment from work, we’d talk and laugh about stuff and gradually people around at work were starting to think that there was something going on between us(I think that they assuming so, coz me and this person and of the same ethnic background and age).I brushed those gossips aside. This person however started to feel concious about it and started to address me as a sister in a work public enviroment. I didnt feel the need to label a new relationship overnight so i kept quite about it. A couple of occasions, once with myself, this guy and another colleague) and the 2nd time with my sis and my other GFs, socialized and went to a night club. This guy kept raving about how big assests i’ve got, and how pretty i looked etc and still continued to address me as a sister. I felt that was weird. He bought me a drink that got me tipsy(never been in that state before).My sis told him to stop talking about my assessts coz that was inappropriate, of course i didn’t realize anything in that state of mind.when i was sober the next day i felt upset to be that way the previous nite in front of my colleague so the next opportunity i spoke to him alone and told him that i did not think of him as my brother but im not attracted to him either. His behaviour makes me feel like he thinks that im after him. The next time we met in a social office gathering in a brewry, he told in front of my colleagues that our relationship was purely work related and that he thinks of me as his sister but i would’nt call him as my brother. I guess he was trying to make himself look good in front of my colleagues so they think i’m the one after him. I didnt feel too good about that statement. With organizational changes in my company this guy could potentially become my manager. I’m finding it hard to go to work coz people around think something is going on between us and now this new situation with him. I dont understand why this guy is behaving like that… Was he just having a good time with me under the label of bro-sis relation. I use to hang out coz i thought we had similar interests but i was not interested in him. He gets upset when i deny joining the group for any gatherings. Has he started liking me but can’t put a name to hit because of the work enviroment? I find it weird. Please advise what do i do…! Do i just leave the company?”

- Rhea (31)