“My boyfriend and I study in the same college. Since it’s summer, he’s moved back home and we’re going to be apart for two months. Neither of us believes in long-distance relationships but we’re giving it a shot because we’re extremely serious about each other. It’s been two weeks since he left. We’re both pretty busy during the day and either speak or IM in the nights, Lately (through facebook posts) I’ve noticed this other girl who’s constantly flirting with him and while he doesn’t respond flirtatiously, he is extremely friendly with her. I’m not generally a possessive girlfriend and i know he would never cheat on me. Still, I ended up spying on him by logging into his account and reading their chat history. They have long conversations everyday and lately he’s begun telling her that he misses her when she’s not online and has started using some of the lines he used on me before we became official. I’ve discreetly asked him about her and he swears its all clean, but he doesnt know that I’ve read his conversations with her. He’s a great boyfriend and I know he loves me deeply and his behaviour towards me hasn’t changed at all. But now, when we talk, I secretly am very upset and we end up fighting. I’m scared because his ex and he were in a long-distance relationship that wasn’t working out when we met and really hit it off. He didn’t break up with her for me, though, they broke up for other reasons. But with us fighting I’m worried that history may just repeat itself. I know the way i’m acting just might push him away, straight into her arms but I can’t stop.
Am I being paranoid? Over-possessive? I can’t even tell him that I know about the conversations because i don’t want him to know I was spying on him. What do I do?”

- Amrita (20, Bangalore, Karnataka, India)

Has Face book and MySpace Become the New Excuse for Couples to break up?
Social websites such as Face book and MySpace have reportedly been referenced as reasons of divorce and breakups within relationships.

•Are these sites really too blame?

•Is the accessibility of these sites too much temptation for people to handle?

•Or, are we allowing ourselves to blame our partners bad behavior on the sites rather than their level of self control?

A Simpler Time.

Does everyone remember when you first started dating? Remember in junior high or high school, when you would hear your mom yell at the bottom of the stairs that a boy was on the phone? You would get all excited and talk to the guy on the kitchen wall phone and twirl the phone cord around your finger, while having this goofy grin on your face.

Today, everyone is bombarded with constant gossip, chatter, and comments though social networking sites like face book and MySpace. While those sites are very helpful and beneficial especially for work, school and networking, they are sometimes used for the wrong purpose. At the end of the day though, were face book and MySpace meant to be the portal of relationship and dating interaction?

Jealousy from Facebook and MySpace.

People naturally become jealous and have jealous behaviors at times. Social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook give people the option to showcase a plethora of internet girlfriends or boyfriends that reads like an Italian menu at a local pizzeria. Not only do women feel like they are competing with their other female peers, but know they might consider Facebook and MySpace friends on their boyfriends page as a reason to feel alarm. Of course, some of these people featured on your guy’s page might be just friends of his, but still it just doesn’t feel right.

Does Facebook or Myspace cause couples to fight, or worse divorce?

Of course, the creation of Face book or MySpace is not to be seen as the culprit of relationship tension. Still, it would be interesting to know how many couples in your local area had a fight because of sites like Face book or MySpace in the last week. There is already so much temptation that both men and women have to face without these sites, so it wouldn’t be outlandish to consider that there have been some relationships ruined by using Facebook or Myspace. Some people can’t define a clear line of what is appropriate behavior on a social networking site; because sites like Face book and MySpace; are thought of as the norm in everyday life. How can participating in one of these sites be bad if everyone and there mom is?

If you can’t control your Facebook, how can you have an adult relationship?

If you can’t even control your behavior sitting in front of a non-living thing, how do you expect to act in an adult relationship? Everyone who feels they are still not capable of acting appropriate on social sites while in a committed relationship, simply aren’t mature enough yet to have one. If your dating someone who is showing you signs of out of control, “clicking, typing, passwords, friends pictures, statuses etc.” go find someone who uses Facebook and Myspace for work or school.

Status Updates- Do your friends need to know every minute of every day about what you are doing?  Do they need to know you are in the backyard, or relaxing, or just got your nails done, or are hungover?  Maybe. Do your friends constantly need to be reminded that you and “the love of your life” just bought a Christmas tree together?  If they are that amazing, how is it you are spending that time updating your status about it?  Although, I do recognize that with the Iphone and Blackberry, it is pretty convenient.  I am fortunate that in between all the silly updates, I gain some amazing knowledge from my “friends”.  And yes, all 272 of my Facebook friends are people I actually know. Ok, except for Kim Kardashian, but it is really a “fans” page. Either way, I am not deleting Kim and would like her for a “real” friend.

Do I want to find out that someone died, had a heart attack, or was in a car wreck through a status update? No, I do not; perhaps an email would be a better communication tool for such traumatic news.

Farmville, Mafia Wars, Petville, etc.- Come on. Really? Is real life not interesting enough without spending hours with these games or whatever they are?  I have never been curious enough to really see what they are but the news feeds filled with these are annoying enough.  Enough said, probably.

Stalking- Fortunately, Facebook has enough privacy options to inhibit your ex or your partner’s ex from being allowed to see too much of what you are doing.  But if you are friends with someone who is friends with your ex there is still some visibility to view their postings or yours.  If you think your ex is stalking you, block them; there is an option for that and then they won’t even know you are on Facebook.  If you are still checking your ex’s profile, just stop; I know it’s tempting, especially if they are not savvy enough to figure out how to operate the privacy options.

Adding and Deleting Friends- The rule of thumb on Facebook (unlike Myspace) is to not add people you do not know in “real life”.  It also applies to friend requests; do not request someone you do not know.  Do not cruise your friends’ friends to find “hotties” or famous people to add or look for someone new to date.  I have a few famous people on my page and I would not be happy if my friends requested them just because they were famous. Although, becoming a “fan” to someone is totally acceptable.

How many times have you added or deleted the same person?  I am guilty of that myself.  You know, you get mad at someone and delete them or log on one day and find that you have been deleted by someone.  Should you be hurt?  No. Remember, it’s Facebook and not real life.

Postings- Anything you post on your wall or your friends wall can be seen by everyone and is there forever or until you delete it.  So if you have been on Facebook for two years and you just acquired a girlfriend who you finally add, she can read and see everything you have been doing for the past two years.  So if you told her you haven’t had a serious relationship and you had a girlfriend posting a year and half ago, she will see it.  Busted by Facebook, be careful, it happens.

Relationships- People have relationships with people on Facebook that they have never met.  They tell each other they love each other and change their relationship status-all without having ever met.  You are “now in a relationship”. You don’t have to list a relationship status on Facebook, but if you do, all of your 300 friends will know when you go from single to “in a relationship” and perhaps, inevitably back to “single”; so be prepared to be bombarded with “OMG, what happened??” and a bunch of sad faced emoticons.

It is one thing to update your Facebook to identify that you are in or out of a relationship but Facebook is not an acceptable way of breaking up with someone and yet it is done all of the time; even in the celebrity world.

Deactivation- Remember, you can not delete your Facebok account. That’s right, you can not delete it.  Although I have heard that if you remove all of your pictures, delete all of your friends, remove all of your postings, and write a letter to Facebook requesting that they delete it, they will.  Your only other option is to deactivate it; which essentially means it is non-active until you log back in again that automatically reactivates the account.  All of your friends will still be there and ask you “where were you?”

Final thoughts- Facebook is a great networking tool.  I enjoy it. It’s a great way to stay in touch and/or reconnect with old friends, but it can be addicting.  You can spend more time having online relationships and less time with real life relationships or real life events.  You spend more time reading updates and newsfeeds than about real world problems. Is Facebooking necessary everyday?  I don’t know but if you spend more time online than socializing in person, you should think about that.  Although I am not a huge fan of Dr. Laura, as she is a gay basher, the letter her son wrote to Facebook is pretty cool: Breaking Up With Facebook.

Now get off your computer or your Smartphone and go interact with the world; volunteer at your local animal shelter, help your neighbor fix their broken fence, take your grandfather out to lunch.  Those things are so much better than Facebooking about anything I can think of.  Although this article will be posted on my Facebook page.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Check out my web at Robbie411.com