Ryan Asked:

“my girl friend is a skatter and its like at times she rather skate or skate with her ex(he tought her how to skate) then to be with me should i be worried.”

- Ryan (21, Lodi, CA)

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Some couples are high school sweethearts who’ve never known love except with each other. For instance, my friends Bob and Nancy have been together since they were old enough to crawl and share pacifiers.  After three kids and 35+ years of marriage, they’re still stuck on each other. Such longevity is enviable—and rare. Most of us have an ex or two lurking in the shadows. Personally, I prefer that the past stay right where it is, but that’s not always possible, especially when there are blended families. When everyone gets along, it’s a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, that too is a rare thing.

Treading the treacherous waters of ex-relationships, especially in the context of a new relationship, requires finesse.  It’s easy to screw-up. To demonstrate:

Mark and Sharon arrive at a wedding to discover that Sharon’s ex-husband Joe (and his new wife Linda) and Mark’s ex-wife Carol (and her new husband George) are also at the wedding.  Through some colossal blunder, all six of them are seated at the same table.  Let’s take a look at some common mistakes partners make in these situations:

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Jon Asked:

“I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I have recently found out that his ex has been contacting him by email and trying to meet up with him. This particular ex has tried to cause trouble between us several times already. In the past, I have asked my partner not to speak to him because the guy is nothing but trouble. The guy doesn’t work and doesn’t assume any responsibility in life. You know the type. My partner, however, has continued to email him and I’m hoping that’s all he’s done. When I confront my partner about him he gets defensive and tries to avoid the conversation. This makes me think something is going on and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m growing tired of this situation and am becoming very upset. Any advice?”

- Jon (27)

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Hope Asked:

“My husband and I are married for 4 years. It was an arranged marriage. We both agreed to this marriage anyway. We haven’t got children. Our planning to start a family is on hold as we are still working on our relationship.

I should also mention that I have been in counselling for 3 years out of 4 years of our relationship.

Back in 2007, one day, my husband told me that he is going for an away day with his team mates and he will stay in a hotel. He took his camera with him to take photos of the meeting stuff. I packed his bag and he left. He came back the next evening and I could tell from his face that something is wrong. I asked him about his away day and he said that it went really good. He told me that he couldn’t take any photos as the cam batteries ran out.

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Lucy Asked:

“I want to know if getting back with an ex ever works?

I was with my ex for 4 years and we were best friends for 2 years before we dated. The first three years of our relationship were perfect. We got on well, he was a really caring partner and very romantic
We broke up, because he had terrible depression and anxiety (he was hospitalized for a while). He kept breaking up with me and I took him back a couple of times. The third time I thought I should muster the self respect I had left and leave. I didn’t speak to him for 2 years; despite the fact he tried to contact me.

I contacted him about 2 weeks ago and we had coffee. I still missed him and really care about him. I had the best time with him and he seemed like his old self (before he got sick). He has his mental illness under control now and I think we have both matured. We were only 16 when we started going out and we’re 22 now. I just keep wondering if it could work now.

It’s not that I’m desperate or that I just don’t want to be alone. I have had two relationship since we broke up and have dated a number of other guy (I’m seeing a guy right now), but no one seems to understand me like ex.”

- Lucy (22)

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Whenever we enter a relationship with another person, there are essentially only two outcomes.  One is that the relationship lasts, and the other is that it ends.  And save for the one that ends in a successful marriage, most of them will face the latter fate.  And when this happens, we are left with one of the toughest predicaments life presents us.  Should we stay friends with our exes?  The short answer is this: not really.

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Sian Asked:

Me and my now ex boyfriend were dating for 2 years, we had lived together for the past 10 months, and were madly in love. We argued and fought, but this was not out of the norm, for people who live together, although his mum kept telling him that it wasn’t normal. Anyway, his grandma died a little over a month ago and he went to stay with his father for a while to help him, i was very supportive off this and he was asking me to go and stay there with them because he missed me. Then i got a text one day saying he was moving out and we were finished. I started with the text terrorism, haha and then i came to my sences and stopped. I have seen him since and we were great still laughing and joking, but he is very resentful towards me because i havent crumbled and have just got on with my life. I took on the no contact rule, and was doing well, although he was constantly texting me telling me he loved me and missed me and it was killing him all this, and he wishes it wasnt like this, but thinks its best to “let me go” but is worried he might regret it for the rest of his life. I decided to ask him if he wanted to get together and talk about it because i feel life is far too short for regrets! he said no and we should just move on. At this point i got annoyed, because i thought he is just keeping me on a backburner till something better comes along, And he had no reguard for me or my feelings or he wouldnt keep texting me with things like “i was thinking yesterday that i maybe i couldnt carry on without you, but i know its the right thing to do” like seriously who says hurtfull things like that? I am actually convinced that there will be a better person suited to him than me. I relise that he will meet other people and maybe get on with them well, but i just dont think he will have what we had again or close to it…Everyone used to comment on how much of a great couple we were and we really suited. And he used to tell me he had never met anyone who he got on with as well in his life, and i was his best friend.

I just want him to wake up and relise that what hes doing is silly, and its hurting us both unnessisarily. I dont understand why if you love somebody you just dont want to be with them, uts not like we had major relationship problems. I am having such a hard time understanding it all because it doesnt make sence!! I need some help to either get over him or make him understand, i dont want to be a needy ex girlfriend, but it just baffles me……

- Sian (21, U.K.)

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This has been written about many times and it isn’t rocket science. You don’t have to be a genius. You don’t have to over think it. The reasons, or answers, whatever you want to call it, are as plain as the nose on your face. You broke up for a million reasons and sometimes it was long over due but you finally break up.

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I have great advice for everyone who needs to get control of their love life. Ready? You need to…forgive. That’s right, to have a successful love life after a break up or divorce, you must forgive your ex. Before you protest, read these 7 tips to help you forgive. Forgiveness will not only free you of your ex, but benefit you and your future relationships.

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Obviously if you handle this wrong, you can ruin a friendship and a potential future with a great romantic prospect. Although there are concessions that can be made that is dependent on how long the two of you have been friends, the extent of your friend’s relationship with the girl/guy (i.e. dating, committed, living together, etc) and how long was the happy or unhappy couple together? I tend to think more men would be ok with their buddy dating an ex than the ladies dating each other’s ex. Rule number nine In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up A Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, states that “hotties are everywhere”; meaning someone that you may be interested in is potentially everywhere. Look around you, pay attention or you may just be missing out on someone. So with that rule in mind, you may want to steer clear of the whole idea of dating your friend’s ex to avoid any problems. However, If you can’t let it go, then the following are general guidelines to consider if you really want to date your friend’s ex:

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