Anonymous Asked:

“Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern in my relationship history. Ever since I first became interested in the opposite sex, I found myself getting crushes on guys who were unattainable or unavailable (had a girlfriend, popular and therefore out of my league, whatever).

As I became an adult, those unrequited crushes continued (including two gay guys and one who I’m almost certain is gay but closeted), but I also expanded my repertoire to include guys who were sicker than I was and, I felt, needed someone to take care of them.

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Raynur Asked:

“I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. She was my high school sweetheart. Then, our relationship turned into a long-distance love since 4 years ago, in 2005.

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Baron Asked:

“So I don’t know how to put my prob in words….but here’s an attempt. All throughout 11th grade I was never social and kept away from girls, its not that I am a geeky kind of guy. I mean that I haven’t gone out with a girl yet because I don’t want to fall into crushes and all that. I am just another average guy. So this started about 6 months ago… near half way through my 12th grade……there was this girl in my class and we started to chat over the net and then I mustered some courage ( I am really shy in front of girls) and started talking to her and soon we were nice if not good friends. She knew all about my crushes and well we used to laugh about it. So keeping it short I am totally in love with her. It’s not that puppy love kind of thing, I have had my fair share of crushes and limerances too but this is different. The feelings have never been more intense. But I know that she won’t ever say yes and considers me nothing more than a friend and I know that I can’t live without her. And it was only a while ago that I learned that she likes a guy too. Now this may seem complicated but here’s a short summary…: she likes the guy who knows that she likes him but he doesn’t like her and the girl knows that. Moreover the girl also knows that I truly love her and yet she won’t say yes to me because she still likes that guy. I really want her to be happy, even if it means that she’s with some other guy but its killing me inside knowing that she’ll never be in my arms, that she cant be mine ever. And right now I am so messed up that I don’t know what to do, whether to cry or to laugh, whether to smile or to frown. I don’t even feel alive right now and I have cut myself 5 times just to feel the pain and know that I am still alive, that I am still breathing. I have even gone to the brink of killing myself several times and ending the pain but have always stopped cause I don’t want her to think that its cause of her. I just! have no idea what to do next, I don’t even know what’s right or wrong anymore, I don’t even want to live anymore. Please help me.”

- Baron

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If you’re attracted to the unavailable type, I bet you can clearly identify that person in your life. But the choice to partner with emotionally shut down people is incredibly significant. Every time you choose someone who can’t give you what you need, you’re being offered a clear invitation to look closer at the pain you’re causing yourself.

Since the beginning of time, emotionally unavailable people have been known for making dates and then breaking them, being married or in a long term relationship, being an alcoholic or a compulsive gambler, being angry or abusive, not wanting to be in a relationship with you, being passive-aggressive or frequently late, still being connected to their “ex,” not initiating, putting no energy out, keeping you guessing, flirting with other people, not being attracted to you, being controlling, judgmental, hesitant in some way, or being inconsistent.

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