He Asked:

“My marriage of 7 years has fallen apart. We fought over and over with no resolve due to communication issues. I ended up pushing her away, and telling her I wanted a divorce over and over. We ended up getting an attorney and pretty much had one foot in the door. All we had to do is pay the $. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I didn’t want the divorce. I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me. She refused, said she had been going to individual counsleing, and had gotten to a place where she had moved on. I am devistated. I want her back, I have tried talking to her over and over again, but she says she loves me, but isn’t in love with me anymore. She says she wants to get the divorce, be good friends, and then “let’s see what happens”. I don’t know what to do. I want to be friends with her because she is the love of my life and I care so much about her, but I find it extremely difficult to turn off my feelings when I am around her. All I think about is touching her, and being intimate. She obviously rejects any of that. It’s so painful.”

- He (42, Denver, CO)

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April Asked:

“Will I ever hear from him again? I was dating a married man and his wife found out. She flipped out on him and he broke up with me. 3 months later he was calling me and telling me he couldn’t live without me in his life. That last another 6 months until his mom got ill and passed away. He told me he promised his mother he would keep his family together. That was in May of 2010. I didn’t hear from him ever again but in June 2011, his wife called me and accused me of still sleeping with him. She told me he moved out and she was divorcing him and that I was still sleeping with her husband. Which i was not. Obviously my name must be still coming up in his home. I found out that he is going through a divorce and I sit here and wonder if he is going to call me back once all is over with. He had always told me if might take a year or two years but he would be back for me. I just wonder if i should hold onto that. I havn’t heard from him since May of 2010.”

- April (49)

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Scott Asked:

“My wife separated and filed for divorce from me 51/2 months ago after a 20yr. marriage and 25+ yrs. together. Saying she no longer liked who she had become and wasn’t in love with me, but still cared about me. I was devastated. I knew she had been unhappy, and over the last few years expressed that saying there has to be something better, we are just going through the motions, etc. She has been the primary bread winner for half of our marriage, and her job required travel to her companies other offices around the country. I thought it was just about me making her unhapp, which I take ownership for my part and so I embarked on a profound life change to get her to want to try to save our marriage. But she was insistent that it was over and she didn’t want to work on our marriage and that she had already tried everything and that I should just move on. We have 2 teenagers, one going to college next year. Since the separation, I recently discovered she was having an affair with a male co worker, who is also married with children from the 1 of the out of state offices. I confronted her and she confirmed she had seen him a few times, but that nothing happened prior to the separation. The evidence I discovered through a couple emails says it was really close to the time of separation. I think she was emotionally connected to him prior to the separation, then the intimate took place very soon after. I still love her and would very much like to keep my family together, but it seems certain I have little chance to change her mind before the divorce is final by years end. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.”

- Scott (48)

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KC Asked:

“My story is that i have had this arranged marriage, which i never liked, and i was forced into, my wife and her parents also lied everything. I choose to sacrifice, even if she was not good looking because she was a doctor, anyway that is all past. I still tried to be nice, and it has been 7 years in our marriage, we argue all the time, verbal arguments, may be we had sex three to four times in this seven years, and in that three to four times only, we also have a kid. She doesnt like me, i dont like her, i want to move on, but i was patient all these years, because my kid will be impacted because she wont have one parent. I am originally from India, day in and day out i cry to myself, how did i end up like this? Why did not i make a correct choice of choosing the right girl.
I am ashamed of my situation, and i sincerely wish no one in this world should face the situation i am in. I tell her to go, enough is enough, because she also doesnt like me and i hate her, she says she is going, but she doesnt. Now i am ready to divorce her, i cant take it anymoe. But my sister and brother from India and my friends tell that if i do that my daughter’s life will be spoiled, because people wont respect her, she cannot be brought up nicely because her parents are divorced.

Any ideas will surely help me. Thanks so much for your help.”

- KC (37, US)

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Has Face book and MySpace Become the New Excuse for Couples to break up?
Social websites such as Face book and MySpace have reportedly been referenced as reasons of divorce and breakups within relationships.

•Are these sites really too blame?

•Is the accessibility of these sites too much temptation for people to handle?

•Or, are we allowing ourselves to blame our partners bad behavior on the sites rather than their level of self control?

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By Maryanne Comaroto

Like Ram Das says: You want to see how together you are, go spend some time with your family! This sentiment is particularly apt during the holidays, when emotions run high and painful memories are easily triggered. Especially if this holiday things are different than you would like them to be: i.e. you’re single (again), newly divorced, bringing someone home your family can’t stand, or maybe you simply dread the same old story your family dynamics dose on when you get together.

Here are a few tips that can help you face whatever may come with more confidence and grace than you’d imagined…

* Embrace “what is”~ This is the quick way to holiday enlightenment! The sooner you accept people and things the way they are and not the way you want them to be, the more likely you are to experience some real joy! While this is no easy pill to swallow when you are feeling lonely, rejected, or not up for going a few rounds with your family, this truth will set you free. Try it; it’s the perfect gift to give this season.

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Handling intrusive family members, prying friends and nosey parishioners while going through a breakup is never easy.  It’s tough enough coming to grips with the fact your relationship is over.  Throw in the frustrations, disappointments, stress and anger, plus, dealing with guilt as you confront the opinions of relatives, in-laws and your circle of friends can be a major source of irritation. In addition to the fact you’re going through hell right now, trying to live up to other people’s expectations is a major pain in the butt. With all this stuff going on you cannot abandon yourself to fulfill their illusions. If you do, you’re headed for serious trouble. Take a deep breath, I have good news. This chapter is going help you to shut them up, relieve you of your guilty conscience, shift the focus to comforting you with an emphasis on enjoying the rest of your life.

The fact that you love your family and friends is a good thing. But, it’s NOT FAIR, when you, or them, uses your relationship with them to make you feel remorse because your relationship is in a tail spin. There is a big difference between dealing with karma because you did some heinous act versus coming to terms with a failed relationship. The reason is that it ended doesn’t matter. We can pick any old scape goat to beat you with.  It’s totally irrelevant.

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The laws and regulations that govern our life are staggeringly complex. No one, not even an attorney, can know them all. But, like it or not, your marriage is subject to a myriad of rules and restrictions imposed upon it by the jurisdiction(s) in which you live, beginning with whether you “qualify” to be legally married and culminating with what happens to your property when you die. That’s the bad news. The good news is that, for the most part, you’re able to write your own rules to fit your unique situation IF you do it right.

Every business partnership worth its salt has an operating agreement that dictates the partners’ rights and obligations and what happens if a partner leaves or the partnership is dissolved. It’s a good idea to plan for such contingencies when everyone is getting along. The same applies to your remarriage. The last thing you want is for you, your spouse, and/or your heirs to be stuck in a quagmire of legal wrangling where those who benefit most are the lawyers.  The time to hammer out thorny legal, financial, and estate issues is when you’re clear-headed and can think both generously and realistically.

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Ending a relationship is never easy.  Chances are, that relationship you’re ending has been knocking at death’s door for quite some time now.  Maybe it should’ve never begun to start with. The handwriting has been on the wall, but you didn’t have the courage to say that it’s over.  It’s not easy, and getting over the frustration, heartbreak, anger, remorse, and depression isn’t easy either.   Nonetheless, you’re going to make it through this.  Lesson one, realize that separation may be an event, but getting over it is a process! Bad advice from your peers, relatives, and so-called friends is more than likely all, or at least part, of the reason you haven’t had the courage to let go and get on with your life. Your family and friends may have no clue of the stress, and extreme pain you suffer on a daily basis, or they may not know any different themselves. Besides, misery loves company.  Many people prolong dissolution because they just don’t want to deal with confrontation. That is the equivalent of being too tired to take a bath because the longer you wait the more life stinks. If you’re reading this, that’s proof it’s time to break away from the pack. You will have to do this on your own and you can!

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By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

One source is referring to Elin and Tiger Woods the “married divorced couple” and with the pair’s decision to move back in together to help “rebuild his image” it seems that this nomenclature may actually make sense. There’s nothing wrong with taking some time apart after something as painful as infidelity, in fact it’s something I suggest and call a “brush with death:” an idea I explain in the book Make up Don’t Break up as an intentioned break up with the idea of continuing to work toward a healthy solution – when two people still want to be together, but have major obstacles to overcome. A temporary break up can help resolve certain issues, and creates a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do. But – the brush with death is only potent if done for a long enough period of time – it’s possible they may need more time apart to appreciate their relationship

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