By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

I recently watched The Marriage Ref which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia.com, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

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Axel Asked:

“I have difficulty in maintaining relationships. After certain time i feel like changing my girlfriend. Is it normal or I expect Something from my relationship which i havent discovered yet??

After getting into relationship i start feeling pressure. at the same time when i am not in a relationship i am desperate for a company. what is the meaning of this psychology and why is this happening?”

- Axel (22, Pune)

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Adam Asked:

“My girlfriend and I have been dating on and off for 2 1/2 years. She is 29 and I am 30. The relationship she was in before lasted 6 years and was the only one she had been in prior to ours. He was 27 and she was 20 when they met. They broke up many times as well as walked away from an engagement. She was not completely honest about her feelings for him when we began dating and because of that She has never let go of him and vice versa. Although he does not live near us and I am sure she has not physically cheated on me she continues to keep an open dialog with him that pushes the boundaries of platonic friendship. When confronted about this she has lied about their communicating on more than one occation. I think that they use each other as an emotional fallback when they are in need of attention. It has become such a problem that by not ending the communication I doubt she truly respects me and my position on the subject. She has tried to stop texting and emailing him but eventually it starts up again. He is also in a new relationship and is not honest with his partner either. I am starting to doubt her morals and feel truly disrespected.”

- Adam (30, Kansas City, MO)

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Q~ I’m a fifty-something, single, looking to get back out in the dating world. I am not thrilled with the idea of online dating but realize when it comes to the law of attraction, I need to get the ball rolling. The problem is, I am not feeling as marketable as I was in my thirties and forties, never mind my hormones are raging like a teenager—except now, instead of blooming, it seems I am about to lose my blossom. Any suggestions on how to attract a great mate?

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Axel Asked:

“I met a woman in college and i like her on the first meeting. when i asked about her phone number she said that she doesnt have a mobile phone. later on I discovered that she has one. she does properly treat me and talks to me. What can be the possibilities from her lying to me about phone??”

- Axel (22, Pune, India)

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Klaudija Asked:

“in year 5 i started a new school and i began to like the most popular guy in my year, and i was the least popular girl in my year. half way through year 5 he found out and asked me out and i said yes and we were going out for a year and a half and i think i fell in love. during the time we were going out he cheated on me once but i forgave him, then at the end of year 6 he dumped me and i was devastated. i don’t remember much but by then i had some friends (whereas before i didn’t have any) and they say that they remember it and that i was crying my eyes out and that a teacher shouted at the guy: “look at that poor little girl, how can you live with yourself after seeing that?!”.

now i am in year 9 and i still like him. i don’t know if it is love but i just don’t seem to be able to give him up. when we broke up we didn’t talk at all until just recently (we don’t talk much but at least it’s more than nothing) and i am scared to tell him that i like him just in case we stop talking again.
i know you probably think i am some stupid little girl talking about love or whatever but i just really don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t want to like him but i just do.

please tell me what to do, or maybe not do.

thank you very much.”

- Klaudija (13, England)

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You’re annoyed. It’s your sweetheart’s fault. Sometimes, just as you’re about to open your mouth, you hear that little voice, that aggravatingly-always-right little voice, that says, “Keep it zipped.” Ignoring that voice (aka your intuition) will get you into trouble every time. It pays to listen. But what if that little voice stays silent? How do you know when to speak up and when to keep it zipped?

You’re conflicted. Your sweetheart wants to do something that’s perfectly reasonable, perhaps even thoughtful, but you want something else or wish your sweetheart would behave differently.  Do you tell your sweetie or do you keep it zipped?

You’re hurt, angry or disappointed. How do you know if you should suffer in silence or speak up?

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Your soggy bodies collapse beside each other, too depleted to even wipe away the beads of sweat swelling above your brow and trickling down into your ears. Your lover rolls off to one side of the bed feeling for a light: you turn and watch the embers at the end of the cigarette ignite, then gaze as he takes a long drag and exhales a vapor trail of smoke into the silence. “Ahhhhhh,” he speaks. “That was great!” You dreamily reply, “Yeah…Wow…that was…amazing!” He reaches over and rests his weary hand on your thigh, takes one last drag; you both lie quietly as the smoke disappears into the night. You gaze at his strong silhouette. He falls off to sleep as you drift off into visions of Happily Ever After…until…

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Lucy Asked:

“I want to know if getting back with an ex ever works?

I was with my ex for 4 years and we were best friends for 2 years before we dated. The first three years of our relationship were perfect. We got on well, he was a really caring partner and very romantic
We broke up, because he had terrible depression and anxiety (he was hospitalized for a while). He kept breaking up with me and I took him back a couple of times. The third time I thought I should muster the self respect I had left and leave. I didn’t speak to him for 2 years; despite the fact he tried to contact me.

I contacted him about 2 weeks ago and we had coffee. I still missed him and really care about him. I had the best time with him and he seemed like his old self (before he got sick). He has his mental illness under control now and I think we have both matured. We were only 16 when we started going out and we’re 22 now. I just keep wondering if it could work now.

It’s not that I’m desperate or that I just don’t want to be alone. I have had two relationship since we broke up and have dated a number of other guy (I’m seeing a guy right now), but no one seems to understand me like ex.”

- Lucy (22)

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Donald Asked:

“So I work with this girl that I can’t take my mind off of. I don’t really work closely with her on a daily basis, but we work in the same building. I did some work for her the other day, and when she asked me how much she owed me for my time, I said I’d like to take her out to dinner. To which she replied “dinners not a problem, but the “what if” could be a problem”. I interjected that her boyfriend might not approve, to test the waters and see how she responded to try and determine if she indeed does have a boyfriend and she basically just repeated what she said before. At this time I more or less changed the subject because I didn’t know what to say. I’m really interested in this girl. This girl has a small child from another relationship, which I feel she may be concerned with picking the right person to let into their lives and maybe that’s why she sort of rejected me. I try to talk to her almost daily and I often can’t concentrate on my own job because I know she’s in the building and maybe if I have a chance to see her I might be able to say the right thing and strike up her interest in me. I really would like to find a way to resolve this by either asking her again or just plain out asking if she is interested in me at all, so If not I can move on and focus on my job the way I’m accustomed to . I need some good advice, from the females probably. I probably sound like a weirdo with this long post but I am lost and have not been on the dating scene for a number of years. Should I be persistent and pursue her further or does her “half” rejection really mean “no” and I can get on with my life?”

- Donald (28, Winnipeg)

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