What happened? You still love your significant other but the thrill is gone.  Men and women experience this in relationships but their approach to “fixing” the problem may be quite different.

During your courtship days, both of your brains were flooding your system with feel good chemicals.  Hey, that is just science so accept it.  Somewhere along the way the two of you established a relationship that you were both happy with.

Now though, it does seem a little boring.  The same old routine and all the hassles that each of you deal with at work.  No wonder you are feeling dissatisfied and wondering what to do.

The good news is that this is totally fixable, the news  you may not like as much is that you actually have some work to do to accomplish it.  The fact is that successful couples have been where you are and they can help you bring the sizzle back.

The list can go on and on but the theme is the same; you have disconnected from your partner and the relationship.

Getting the sizzle back is a choice.  Remembering why you fell in love in the first place is where you start.

If it helps to make a list of all the reasons you used to be hot and heavy over your partner do so.  Even if the things on the list do not make your heart beat faster right now, they used to and they can again.

The point is that you have to take responsibility and you also have to give it time.  If the two of you have been disconnected for awhile it will take some time for you to reconnect.

By thinking about the other’s needs and wants instead of being a big baby about your own, you can show them they mean the world to you.  You can lead the way to falling in love all over again.

If you are sure you really do love your partner but just miss the romance that you had when you first started dating then do something about it.  Start being the person you were then and see what happens. This is true of many cultures such as in East Indian dating. Maya, who met her husband through an Indian dating personals service, advises that “loving your partner the way they want to be loved opens the door for you to be loved the way you want to be loved in your relationship.”

Contributed by Ashok S, an expert on dating Indian Women

“I’ve been courting this (younger) girl for almost 4 years. She temporarily moved to Kores for a job.We kept contact and everything was o.k up untill just recently she stopped answering my e-mails and calls,when she did answer all she had to tell me was..”I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have a drivers license, a citizenship and has a minimum wage job….She was o.k with everything up until she got that job where she is doing well and met new friends that brag about their boyfriends..my question is “Is she being influenced by her new friends or is it really just me?..and if it is me why did it take her 4 years to figure it out??”

- Javier (34)

Courtship. Sounds like an ancient word, right? Oh and do men even court women anymore? If they do, courting these days might go something like this: guy buys girl drink, girl accepts drink, guy flirts, girl flirts back, girl goes back to his place, girl gets in guys bed.

Today, courtship barely exists and dating is simply meeting someone and sharing his or her bed over a period of several months. Then like a box of cereal, that person gets tired of having the same old thing everyday and moves on to something different.

Many people assume dating and courtship are the same by definition but in actuality, it’s two entirely different things. Let’s analyze how dating and courtship coexist and how it really plays out in our culture today.

A man walks into a bar and meets a woman. They talk for a while and decide to go out and have dinner together the next evening. At the end of their first date, they decide to go out again the following week. The dates proceed for months. The man is always on his best behavior and treats the women with the utmost respect, he wants to demonstrate to the woman that he is different from other men and he will continue to prove himself because really likes this woman. His behavior would be justified as someone who is in the “dating mode.” After several months, the man is comfortable enough with the woman and feels he can now let loose and be more of himself around her. Technically they are no longer dating but in a relationship. The man still feels he should impress the women and treat her well throughout their relationship. This process is labeled as the “courting mode.” Courting will proceed until a couple has gotten married. In other words, it lasts until the chase or the game is over.

It’s demoralizing to see dating and courtship in the midst of corruption. What does it say about society when men expect to get laid on the first date? What does it say about women who agree to a man’s terms and put out? Alas, we are at a point in time where a good amount of the population classifies dating as something to avoid. Men are jaded by the women whom expect to be wine and dined on every date and down the road those same men are humiliated and milked for all their worth. All the women wanted were the free meals; she never had any intention of pursuing a relationship. So what happens when he takes out the next woman? He’ll end up taking his frustration out on her and what happens to this same woman when she goes on a date with the next guy? She will treat him poorly as well. Sadly, it’s a chain reaction and disappointing for any of us who still have any decency left. Many of us who are still looking for the man/woman of our dreams may never find that person. The ones who do should consider themselves lucky.

As time goes by, dating will perpetually get worse. In the next fifty years, courtship will cease to exist and dating will merely be a word from history. Blame it on the sex and pornography on television, which brainwashes a man into perceiving women as inanimate sex objects. Blame on it music promoting women as whores and something disposable. Blame it on society for teaching a woman to squeeze as much as she can out of a man while trying to be independent. The only real way you can protect yourself from the drudged world of dating and courtship is simply by sleeping with one eye open.

About the Author — Jennifer Edlund lives in Anaheim Hills, California where she is currently working on her second fiction novel. Her first novel, Gunning Down Romance, is in the process of being published. While she works on completing her second untitled novel, she writes freelance articles for online websites about Love and Relationships. One of her articles recently won a contest and will be featured in Cosmo magazine in the coming months.