VJS Asked:

“I’ve been married for 13 years and together with my wife for 15 years. I thought we had a wonderful relationship until recently I found some texts and Facebook postings to other Men, one happened to be her ex. I saw some hurtful postings, like “I married a nice guy but just not my type.” or he’s boring and too routine”. When I found these they were about 6 months to a year and a half old. She told me she was confused but wake up and realized what she had within our relationship was not worth throwing away and stopped. We have 2 kids. I believe that the death of my father has brought here back into loving me, but I don’t think she is still 100% in love anymore. I think she’s afraid because we have kids and she has no money or place to go. Plus doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. She has denied any affairs although i do suspect one happened or was very close to happening. We are intimate but it’s very basic. She says she loves me but there are things that make me wonder. Like one thing is I’ll find small information through one of her family members instead of her telling me. She always says sorry but we’re so busy I thought I told you. We are in a very stressful situation with having to take care of my adult brother who is blind. Plus our money is very tight also. She always says this is not how I imaged my life to be and if we ever have fights she always wants to leave. I love her dearly and losing her would mean my life is over. How do I get her to be 100% in love with me again.”

- VJS (42, New Jersey)

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Tony Asked:

“I been with my wife over 23 years we had two kids my daughter 23 and my son 17 maybe I am over reacted or jealousies she work for casino her shift end at 2am sometimes she don’t get home until 5 am she don’t answer my call I came to her work her car still in the parking lot I waiting for her to show up after an hour she pull up with her coworker she told me they went out get something to eat, after few weeks go by she enrolled in some acting class I call but no answer accidentally her phone call me I heard she was talking to some guy I was listening to there conversations when she got home I was so angry when she saw me waiting in front of the house and jelling she drove off to her sister house she never explain to me who she with but I forgive her last week I came to her work and her coworker walk her to her car and they were hugging in the parking lot when she got home I confront her but told me I am over reactions and last night there both walking out I pull up in front of them she say he just walk me out, I want to catch her in the act and find out is she really cheating or I am just too jealousy and over reacting please help what should I do?”

- Tony (43, Torrance)

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Becky Asked:

“I have a question regarding my husband and his disinterest in sex. We have been married for 7 yrs and have a 2 yr old child. It started almost immediately after we got married…on our honeymoon to be exact…where I started noticing a change in my husband. He was very disinterested in sex and almost made it feel like a chore. Since then it continued…he only wants to have sex on the weekends after he has been drinking or when we go out of town for a night away. We end up having sex maybe 1-2 times a month and absolutely never during the week. I have tried many times to spice up our sex life and he always acts like I am crazy to even suggest that.

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Crista Asked:

“I am currently separated from my husband. He is from Ohio and he moved to Illinois to be with me. He has a 10 year old son that visits us during the summer. He also goes back often to Ohio to be with his son or his family will visit and bring his son with them. We have been married one year so I have spent 2 summers with his son. I have a nine year old daughter and a six year old daughter. His son is emotionally abusive to my girls, lies constantly, and is unable to accept any responsibility for his actions. He is also sexually inappropriate with his comments and with my oldest daughter. I talked to four child experts that all said he displays disturbing behavior and potential personalily pathologies. My husband won’t hear of it. He says his son is wonderful with everyone but me. His dad is working and never around except for part of Friday and Saturdays. The rest of the time his son is with me and my girls. My husband displays some of the same characteristics as his son. Unable to accept responsibility (always makes enemies at jobs but its always the other persons fault, even the supervisors), he is irresponsible (Didn’t do his ’08 and ’09 taxes. Won’t give me a straight answer why not and then lied saying he thought they were taken care of. I’ve been asking him to do them for a year and a half). He has made enemies with my friends who don’t like or trust him. My mom says there is something about him she has never trusted. I still love him so much but my girl’s safety is more important. Writing this my situation sounds like I have only one answer…divorce. I just can’t seem to bring myself to file. I’m so confused. I forgot to mention he gambles. He took money from our account and lied about it. He doesn’t think he has a problem and hasn’t gambled in 6 months that I know of.”

- Crista (37, O’Fallon, Illinois)

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She Asked:

“My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. We’ve had our problems, just like any other relationship will but I did something last week that has gotten me feeling terrible. I tried to choke him. We were both drinking and he said something to anger me and I flipped and choked him (well tried). After this incident he tells me he’s done trying and he’s moving on. He has already started talking to other people and not coming home at night. I really want this relationship to work and I feel as if our problems can be solved if we just both tried. How can I get to him and convince him to give us another chance? He said there’s been too many chances and he’s done trying. I don’t know what to do.”

- She (28)

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Steve Asked:

“After 23 years of marriage, my wife doesn’t seem to have any need to give or receive attention. We’ve both had medical issues and don’t feel good very often, but she is depressed because of her medical issues. She says she loves me and wants to stay married, but even after she says she wants to be more affectionate, she never is. I don’t know what to do.”

- Steve (49, Austin, TX)

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It’s no secret that men and women are very different when it comes to sex and what it takes to become aroused. Women often need to feel an emotional connection, or at least a sense of romance before they are interested in pursuing physical intimacy with a man. Then there is the cuddling, kissing, and tickling of foreplay to get things “warmed up.”

For a guy it is more like a light switch, you just give them a bit of attention and they are ready to go. Often times a man doesn’t really care for the foreplay, and in a marriage it can even become aggravating if he always has to put a lot of effort into something he could take care of himself in a few minutes. Yes, by take care of it, I mean masturbation,which is completely healthy until it is replacing sex in your marriage.

When one partner is no longer being satisfied, it begins a very dangerous spiral. If a man is not being satisfied physically, he will not feel obligated to satisfy his partner. When neither partner is being satisfied, it inevitably causes wandering eyes in a search for someone new who can provide this pleasure.

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Remember the days of that sizzling hot/heart-thumping/I’ve never felt this way before/best sex you’ve ever had in your life/can’t eat, can’t sleep, “can’t live without” relationship that you had? Census bureau says it probably turned into a baby, or two…or three. And that, like it or not, is biologically speaking the foremost reason you felt all of that off-the-hook, head-over-heels/knock-your-lights-out chemistry.

It was simply Mother Nature’s way of tricking you into procreation. It’s terrible, I know. Just when you thought you had found the one (or at least a decent one), you had been hoodwinked by several hundred thousand watts of biological voltage surging from your brainstem up to and through your frontal lobes, saturating your ability to reason for a sustained (albeit relatively brief) period of time, prompting you to fall for someone who smelled and looked a certain way (indicators that they had a most dissimilar biology…and everything else, it turned out) and making you feel an overwhelming desire to have sex with this person with one goal in mind (not the goal we love to glorify); exponentially increasing the odds of the offspring’s survival.

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Jean Asked:

“i’m married for almost 10 years we been together through all the year and never been apart eversince. one day a car accident happen and the next day he ask my girl colleque to massage his head and tell her dont talk loud coz next room people will hear us i will teach you how to massage? what do you think would be his intension i realy cannot of what? anybody can advice me what im going through now is like i dont know my HUSBAND anymore. Couldnt believe he can do this.”

- Jean (32, Brunei)

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Ray Asked:

“My wife and I have been married 2 years this Monday. Lately she has been less and less intimate or affectionate if ever at all. The only time she seems to want to be intimate is if she is just “trying to make me happy”. We used to make love almost everyday when we were younger. She says she is stressed, but I mean so am I with work and all that goes on but I always would make time for sex. She gets very upset if I bring it up. She is the love of my life I want to feel like I am the same to her. What should I do?? Its so frustrating getting denied over and over and not feeling “wanted”. FYI we have no children and have been together for 8 years.

- Ray (24, Fresno, CA)

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