Marriage. It’s hard work. Bologna. If my beloved had said, “You know, honey, being married to me is going to require hard work,” I would have cut and run. My idea of a great marriage is not tantamount to labor camp. Yet we hear over and again, “Marriage is hard work.” It’s not.

What’s hard work is:

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I am just now getting back to my blog.  I wanted to begin by posting a media inquiry that I responded to recently on the challenges when your spouse makes a drastic life change.  See below:

For an article I’m writing for CNN.com, I’m seeking both nationally known relationship experts as well as “real” people to talk about this topic: when the person you married or fell in love with makes a drastic life change. Perhaps she used to love burgers, but then became a strict vegan and now pushes tofu down your throat. Or maybe he was an anything-goes kind of guy, but five years into the marriage became a Scientologist. Or maybe your wife used to be carefree about the environment, and now she’s militant about recycling *everything*. I’m looking for both the light and serious side of what happens when you wake up and realize the person you love has changed in significant ways.

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By the time most couples have made their way into my office, they bring with them a laundry list of complaints about each other. Both partners then proceed to spend almost an entire hour complaining about all their partners’ faults, frantically waving their laundry list of complaints in their hand as evidence of all the injustices done to them by their partner. Following this litany of complaints and “evidence” presented, I ask each person if they could tell me what they believe they might be contributing to the problems in their relationship. Lo and behold, the room falls silent. You could hear a pin drop. The couple stares at me with a look that leads me to believe they are in a total fog, dazed and confused thinking: “Did she just ask me to solve the problems of the universe?” That is the dazzling response this question evokes.

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In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-written by a woman who loves women, I include a chapter on how to keep her, but at some point, no matter what you may need to ask your self, “is it time for couple’s counseling??”  Really, it may be a question you both need to ask yourself and answer. If you are in a relationship that just seems to be spiraling downward, you and your partner should consider couple’s counseling if you want to continue in the relationship. There are numerous reasons that relationships begin to fall apart; sex, money, inability to communicate properly, substance abuse, gambling, extended family interference, infertility, infidelity, etc. These are serious issues and often can be resolved if both persons involved are willing to put in the time and effort for counseling. It could prove to be more challenging if one party is uninterested.

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Every couple has some sort of intimacy, no matter how close or distant each partner is from each other in the relationship. As a couple develops in time together, they begin a unique dance that results from the combination of each member’s personality, needs, and desires. Some of those dances are healthy, while others are a little dysfunctional.

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