Goodbyegal Asked:

“My man of 10 years just started fighting with me and putting me down out of the blue. We “never” had bad words to each other, no arguments in the entire relationship. Things were great. I became only a shell of myself I lost all self-esteem. I soon found out that he met a woman who had “just” been released from a Federal Prison and was in a federal Half Way House. She had spent 6 years for trafficking Crack through 3 States and has an extensive record that also includes Violence, she got pregnant while in Prison. She still has 5 more years Probation to do. He got her a house, furnished it, paid all her fines and Probation Fees. Got her custody of her child, had her teeth all fixed, bought her a car and lives with her now. Let me add that this man is anti drugs! I just don’t understand. She isn’t any Beauty Queen. She is actually pretty scary looking. He’s 65. She is 44, (I am 53).Her child is 6 and he used to get upset when my or his Grandchildren used to be around for too long. What happened here? I am so confused! I can’t seem to get over this! For some reason I worry about him. This is so out of character. He was the Love of My Life!”

- Goodbyegal

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Rachel Asked:

“My brother is friends with this guy who happens to be black. When I saw him around I would try different ways to make conversation with him, but he never talked too much. A few months ago he got a job at my work and started flirting with me. We started talking a lot and hanging out. Until now I had never dated a black person, but eventually we started having sex. He would always tell me he missed me. At first he would text me all the time and I felt like things were perfect. There is only four other black people who work with us, and people started talking about how one of the black girls was his girlfriend. I stopped talking to him and tried to avoid him. I am not looking to be with someone who is dating another girl. One day while I was at work he happened to be working too, he started talking to me after almost a month of blatantly avoiding me. He was jealous that I was talking to another guy I work with…even though he is the one who started dating this other girl when I made it more then clear I wanted to be with him. He called and wanted to hook up…when I went to his house he kept making comments saying he missed me so much…and how much he liked being with me. Why is he doing this if he is dating the black girl from work. What can I do to show him that even though I am white I can be there on the same level as the black girl. Why would he even want to mess around with me if he already had a girlfriend? I need advice that isn’t just “he’s not worth it…forget it” or, “stop talking to him.”

- Rachel

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Devastated Asked:

“My wife is cheating on me with her coworker and I found out about it 8 days ago. I am devastated and don”t know what to do. We have a 6 year old boy and a 4 year old girl, and her coworker is also supposed to be our friend. My wife has allowed this to go on since summer and has brought him to our family. My wife is under a lot of stress at work. Her father is terminally ill, and her mother is in detox for Alcohol. She truly is a great woman, and I am in shock as to how my life got to this point. I am lost?”

- Devastated

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Cheating Affairs can destroy a relationship. Ironically, they can also make them better. That’s not to suggest that you should have an affair to find happiness in your relationship. What I’m saying is that 82% of relationships traumatized by an affair actually get past the affair, and live happier than they did prior to the infidelity.

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Joe Asked:

“I met my wife on match. After dating her for a year we got married. 2 years into our marriage I finally found out that she had been having an affair with this guy at work for about 3 months now. I’m so devastated that she completely broke my heart. I love her very much I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m considering divorcing her, but on the other hand I’m still so in love with her. I just love everything about her. I asked her why she did that and she couldn’t give me a clear reason. She kept saying that it was a huge mistake and she doesn’t want to continue with her affair anymore and she’s begging me not to divorce her. She says she still loves me very much and she’s sorry and she will never do it again. I just don’t know if I should trust her at this point. What should I do? Please help me!!”

- Joe

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Secret affairs can ruin a marriage, but more often than not, they are not a relationship killer. In fact, 82% of marriages affected by an affair actually have happier couples after the affair. The reason is that the affair reveals that something is wrong in the relationship, and most couples want to correct the problems.

While recovering from a secret affair isn’t easy, you can live a happy life with your spouse after the trauma. Among the many things that people need to work on after finding out about a secret affair is how to have sex after infidelity.

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There is a new book out “The Truth About Cheating”. The author, M. Gary Neuman, was a guest on the Oprah show. In his book, based on his research he concludes that the main reason men cheat is because they feel unappreciated and unloved by their wives. If a man isn’t feeling appreciated or loved by his partner before he cheats, I have a feeling he won’t feel more loved after she finds out. It’s contradictory to creating the necessary results.

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You’ve always had it in you.  You’ve had the vision and the dream, and you’ve even had the tingly feelings and shaky knees that love can bring about.  You’ve had expectations of this thing called ‘love’, but over time, reality doesn’t seem to cooperate.

What brings about this distance between us, this emptiness that wasn’t a part of my plan?  The myriad of questions begin to fill your head.  What happened?  What did I do?  Am I not attractive to you anymore?  Don’t you love me?

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So your relationship has ended, now what? Are you going to sit for many months and dwell on what the other person has done? Are you going to blame the entire failure on them? Are your friends and family going to be so sick of hearing the entire story over and over again? Or are you going to learn and heal from what has incurred and move forward to a more rewarding future? When something comes to an end it is so easy for a person to automatically push all the blame onto the other person, but the truth is it does take two people to end the relationship, to kill the entire thing beyond repair. When you really think about what has transpired you can actually see that specific steps had lead you to where you are now.

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Why do people cheat? Is there such a thing as a “cheating season” or “summer fling”? Why do people still cheat with knowing the fact that cheating is bad? There are always reasons behind the things that we do in life. Some times we really have to look at both sides of the perspectives. Read about what our Amateur Relationship Expert Nick Jacketti has to say about the cheaters in his blog.

It must be cheating season again because that’s all I seem to be hearing about lately. Sure it goes on all the time but I guess the whole “summer fling” fever has spread throughout the relationship world. Over the past month, I’ve been hearing about celebrities and random acquaintances’ unfaithful spouses/partners. I consistently hear the self blame theory but honestly, does unfaithfulness really stem from a void in a relationship or a shortcoming from the faithful mate? In short, no.

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