Step 1: Look the part- When I get up in the morning I want to make sure I look good. As I step outside my goal is to make heads turn. I love to see men get wide eye and do the Charlie Chaplin with their eye brows as they see me walk by. I don’t respond to the attention physically because I know it takes more to get my time. Ever notice people who are in good relationships are quick to tell others that try to pursue them, that is what not responding to others attention being single is doing for me. Being confident gets you attention that you deserve!

Step 2: Be a part- I show myself affection with gifts, positive affirmations, and other enjoyments. I am proud of the things I achieved on my own and what an ego boost it is for me, more so because people including my ex didn’t think so possible. The greatest pleasure of achievement is having people who doubted you trying to come back in your life when you are successful. The choice is yours if you want to let them back in, as for me I put them on a waiting list. Know that you are your own best friend because there is no competition, jealous, and backstabbing.

Step 3: Enjoy the Part- Relish in the fact that you have some one on one time which can be great R and R that stands for rest and relaxation. The best part of a relationship is enjoying each other and that comfortable silence which lets you know that you don’t have to be reassured you have a connection with the person you are with. So when you go home get a bottle of red wine, a DVD, and your favorite food dish and enjoy how lucky you are to be with you!

When you take the time to build the most important relationship which is with yourself, everything will fall into place. I got lost being the person life wanted me to be but sought after what I wanted to be and settled for nothing else less that tries to come into my life now. Two years later I got that karmarific email from an ex which made my face light up and thought, “God what did I ever see you and how I progressed and changed so much, I didn’t even recognized myself!”

In closing that is how you should enjoy your single life with no regrets and looking back.

Written by: Christina Jeter
http://www.linkedin.com/in/christinajeter

Ever since we were young and watching our favorite Disney movies (this was way back in the pre-Pixar days), we learned that in the end, no matter what, love would conquer all.  Love conquers evil spells, giant octopus witches, and even wicked mother-in-laws with appalling fashion taste.  The bottom line is always the same: once we find our true loves, we will live happily ever after, and prosper while we spend the rest of our days in a fabulous castle and never gain weight and never get older (castle, in modern terms, can loosely be translated into a 3 bedroom condo overlooking a body of water).

But, let’s be realistic.  Love doesn’t conquer all.  I propose that the statement should be amended to, “Love may conquer a few things sometimes, but that doesn’t mean everything else in life is perfect or that our lives will magically be complete.”  It has a nice bumper-sticker ring to it, right?

I say this not to be pessimistic, but rather to keep ourselves grounded and have more fulfilling expectations of love and relationships.  We cannot spend our lives waiting around for one person to come in and change everything for us.  The point of finding another person should not be to complete our own lives, but rather to find someone to share ourselves with, and to enjoy another person and value them equally.  As the most credible source for relationships, Alanis Morissette, once said, “I don’t want to be your other half.  I believe that one and one make two.”

That’s why being single is so important.  Often times, people feel like they absolutely must have a significant other, and worry about when the next one will come along when they are alone.  People may become something like urban tigers, hunting for possibilities every time they venture out into the jungle streets, looking for their next prey regardless of whether or not they fit into their ideal palate.  But when we’re single, we can truly make the most of this time, where we have time to reflect and focus on ourselves.  If we don’t have a strong center in ourselves, we cannot expect to be a suitable partner for anyone.  We’ve all dated that unstable guy or girl who you just wanted to scream at, where you just want to tell them to spend some time alone and find themselves.  We all need to look at ourselves, work on ourselves, and be happy with ourselves, before we can be prepared to enter a mature and stable relationship, and this is an ongoing, never-ending process.

Love is, of course, a beautiful thing, and the driving force behind friendships, families, and relationships.  But we have to remember that there are other things in life than romantic love, and that finding “one true love” will not suddenly make everything in the world sunshine and baby kittens (though sometimes it might feel like that).  Ironically, in order to have satisfying relationships, we have to remember that they are not the sole purpose to our lives, and keep a balanced perspective on the situation.

It might be alright in the movies to be centered entirely on romance, but in the real world, this translates into either a.) an obsessive psychopath, b.) the person who texts you every 5 seconds after one date, or c.) constant depression when a relationship fails to live up to the Cinderella standard.

The other ideological masterminds, even greater than Alanis, coined the infamous line “All you need is love.”  I agree with this statement, I just think it’s important to keep in mind that love comes in many forms.  There is romantic love, which can be one of the most powerful, but also our friendships and our relationships with our families, and of course, the love we have for ourselves.

About the Author: Rachel Goldberg, originally from Chicago, is a senior at Indiana University studying Creative Writing and Gender Studies, and writes a weekly column for the Indiana Daily Student entitled “Sex and the Not-So-Big City.” (If you’ve ever been to Bloomington, you’ll understand the mentality of big sexuality, little Midwest town.)  While she has a young, fresh perspective on modern love, she also possesses an age-old wisdom that only comes to those with a plethora of failed relationships.  When she’s not busy writing about the mess that is her love life, she can be found incessantly complaining about it to friends and family.  Her advice stems from college classes, paired with her real-world experience as a college student and columnist.  In her spare time she enjoys going out for cocktails with friends, and then laments the fact that she cannot afford said cocktails due to being a college student.  She was voted “Most Likely to Be on SNL” as a high school senior, but she maintains that this was only because there were seriously no funny girls in the entire grade.

Ok, so you’ve been single for a while, but do you know what?  Those in relationships wish they were in your shoes (some of them anyway).  Your time will come when you meet the right girl or guy, so until then, enjoy yourself!!!

Ladies- When is the last time you and your girls got together for some serious girl fun???  I don’t just mean a night out at the local meat market either. I mean a two or three-day excursion to a fun filled, pampered palooza!!!  Even if your girls are married or have boyfriends or girlfriends, get it together and go on a little getaway excursion for some shopping and spa time.  You ladies work hard and you should treat yourself to it.

I recognize in these tough economic conditions budgets are the norm, but jump on the internet and no matter where you live, there is certainly a worthy get-a-away spot within six or less driving hours from your locale.  Check out these spas/resorts and hotels to find a spot near you.  If you don’t currently have the funds to afford a get away, maybe you can work some overtime or a part-time job and squirrel some money away.  If you want to just focus on saving money, I have seen a few articles and books on saving $1,000 dollars in 30 days, but it really depends on your disposable income in the first place. If you are only bringing in 2,000 per month and rent is 900.00, I doubt you will be saving $1,000 in a month.  There are ways everyone can cut back but you really have to focus and write down all of your expenditures.  If you are buying your lunch a few times a week, that’s a good place to start; I cut out my morning banana and bagel and am bringing my morning snack to work and am saving at least 25.00 a month on that.  I also stopped spending money on my afternoon snack by bringing that with my lunch and that puts me at another 40.00 a month savings.  The key is to find where you can cut without making yourself miserable and you will be on your way to your long over due spa/shopping get away.

Of course, if the spa/shopping thing isn’t you and your girl friends’ thing, there are plenty of other choices; hiking, camping, beaching-it, wine tasting, horseback riding, etc.  Do some internet research; you can find exactly what you are looking for.

Guys- Probably one of the top fun things you and your buddies can do is a trip to Vegas, baby!!!!! If you haven’t done it, it is a must and even if you have, I am sure it’s worth a second go around.  Check out Vegas.com, where you can find deals on transportation, hotel, and shows.  I would recommend you keep it a small group, maybe you and three other buddies at the most and get two rooms.  Unless you are college students and on a super tight budget, I don’t recommend four guys in a room!

My top three favorite hotels are the Hard Rock, Palms, and The Hotel.  The pools there are hot too!! As for shows, I don’t know if guys do that together but KÀ Cirque du Solel is pretty good as far as Vegas shows go, but you can always see what bands or singers are performing while you are there.  The House of Blues and Hard Rock are top notch for bands and The MGM for single performers.

If you want to do the clubbing thing, I highly recommend, Pure Nightclub, Rain (at Palms), Ghost Bar (at Palms) and Voo Doo Lounge (at Rio).  You will find a reasonable amount of sexy girls, but get there early or try and get VIP status, otherwise you will find yourself in a really long line.  If you and your buds don’t meet up with any girls but you still feel the need for a little female time, get yourself a lap dance at one of my favorite strip clubs in the country, Club Paradise, just across the street from the Hard Rock.  Again, if you have never been, it is a must!!  In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, I talk about one super hottie that I met there and dated for awhile.  Although she is no longer working there, I am certain the club still hosts some of the finest entertainers.  I don’t recommend trying to hook up or date the girls, but it never hurts to give a girl your card if you think she is in to you beyond your cash for dances.

Two pieces of advice: Whether you fly or drive, go up on a Thursday and come back Saturday.  The worst ever is having a hang over on a Sunday with all of the other weekend warriors who did the Friday to Sunday trip.  And second, if you gamble, limit yourself to what you spend on that activity.  You will get more for your money doing the other Vegas adventures and won’t blow all of your money in two hours.  So if you are on a strict budget, don’t roll the dice!

Final thoughts- You will not be single forever, so enjoy your single status while you have it.  Enjoy your friends, family, and the things you are passionate about, because remember, this moment is your life.

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women.

Join my mailing list and get invited to the next hottie party at Robbie411.com.

In my 20s I met an amazing girl, she was smart beautiful funny and enjoyed sex as much as I did! In fact the first time we went to bed together we didn’t get out for about 5 days!! No joke.. After the five days we realized that we were running out of food and the sheets were getting crusty. This was magical pornographic moment.. I think it was the first time in my life that I fell in love/lust and wow what a drug!!

Our relationship was about 6 months old when Sharon moved in with me (bad idea). We were so incredibly in love that every thing was perfect, well except for when it wasn’t.

Fathoms below!!One day Sharon and I go to a gay bar in Santa Barbara called “Fathom” which brought to my mind big gay pirates on the high seas, exploring the fathoms of their partners, sorry.. We were the only straight couple in the bar, no idea why we were there, maybe because we were not supposed to be? I order us a cosmo, the most popular drink at the time and we drink one, two, three each. The bartender is VERY heavy handed and in a dirty pirate way, winks at me every time I get another round. We sit in the corner together mildly intoxicated with love and liquor. I felt the love for her as strong as any emotion I have ever felt and I decided to say one of the stupidest things I have ever said in my life. “Sharon will you get engaged to me?”

AHHH!!!! Dumb ass!! This was such an idiotic thing to say because I had no idea what it meant!! I thought getting engaged was about at serious as a promise ring. Something couples did when they were in love and were thinking about getting married, I didn’t know it was some sort of contract!! I was in a gay bar – about three STRONG drinks to the wind and I was asking Sharon to marry me. And I didn’t even know it. She said yes, we cried and then I cried again when I realized what I had done.

Sharon to this day remains one of the most amazing girls I have ever met, would we have made a good couple? NO WAY! 13 years later I realize that there is NO WAY I could have lasted longer than 2 years with this girl no matter how much I loved her. Granted she has changed since we first met and I no longer know her. I recently found her wedding pictures online. She ended up marrying the “other” guy that was always butting into our relationship. It was hard to see those pictures at first, since it brought to my mind a life that I could have had. Then I snapped out of it. HELL NO!!! I no longer found the girl in the picture even attractive and reading her comments on photos told me that she was as acidic and sarcastic as ever. Not my type.

Now this is were it gets sticky. Maybe I am wrong? Maybe if I had married Sharon I would have had a wonderful life? We could have really worked in a highly dysfunctional way (ignore my cynicism) I keep disqualifying everyone I meet, even the wonderful girl in Japan I am dating. Why would I do this? Because it is true? That I am such an amazing guy I am never going to find my equal? Or is it a lie? Is it really that I am only deathly afraid of getting married and making any and every excuse to stay out of it?

No matter how I reflect and second-guess myself I will still remain single and my heart will continue to harden. I will become more and more selfish single guy and seek out more and more shallow relationships to slake a thirst I can never quench.

WOW, So serious!!!

I will eventually get married but we are both going through a very selfish time. This happens to a lot of people in their thirties and it’s called CAREER! I don’t know why but most of my friends are the same. I figure once I pop out the other side and am a little more stable I will want to settle down. (that is if someone can handcuff me to the alter) So if you are thinking about tying the knot? Just go for it! you can always get divorced in 5 years!

There are some benefits to this state. That may seem like quite a concept (or hogwash), but it’s true. If you haven’t connected with your ideal partner yet, you have the space in your life to live your dreams. There is a gap — and that means opportunity.

In fact, if you are single because you let go of a challenging relationship, you may find you have lots of time on your hands. Being stuck in a go-nowhere relationship can drain anyone’s energy, so now you have more of it. Or if you just haven’t met the right person yet, there has probably been a long time that you’ve had ‘open space’ or a ‘void’ in your life.

Within that window, you have a chance to do amazing things. (OK, I know many of you are saying “Come on, it’s PAINFUL to be alone. I want a partner!) I won’t sugar coat this. You’re right. It is tough, especially in our culture which is so partnership oriented. It is hard to have extra time on your hands, particularly if you crave companionship and other benefits. But you can’t deny that the extra time is also an opening.

So your next question is: ”What am I supposed to do to fill this hole?”

OK. Are you ready? I’m about to let you in on a major secret that many people don’t know. In reality, your search for a great relationship has never been solely about finding “The One.” Your search has been to discover your essence. All of us are powerful beings with a reason for being here. You have a gift to share, even though you may not be aware of it. And if you are struggling with finding a great life-mate, I submit the idea that maybe it’s because you have not yet tapped the source of your deepest power, what brings you joy, your passion, your true ‘love.’

The next time you start to freak about the fact that you aren’t with someone, ask yourself some questions instead of wondering when it will happen for you. Ask: “What can I do to let go of my preoccupation with finding a life-mate? What can I do to start to live my life right now? What are some ways I can take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually?” Ask yourself what you dream of. Ask: “What are my goals and aspirations?”

It might be art, interior decorating, extreme sports, film school, volunteering, computer programming, or politics. The answer is different for everyone. But no matter what your answer is, there is miraculous power inside you that has a gift to share with the world. When you let go of the constant worry of finding and keeping a mate, then you make room for the energy needed to take care of yourself. You may find that your passion can help others too.

If you are not in a relationship right now, you do have the opportunity to share yourself. If you dig deep for your own answers and take action to make your dreams come true, you may find yourself living a life beyond your wildest dreams! And when you discover what brings real meaning to your life, then the partner that you need will appear because you have found yourself; and they are attracted to YOU!

The best way to find your partner is to embrace your single life and accept all that it has to offer. It’s perfectly normal to want a relationship, but it is abnormal to be single and unhappy about it. Life is a nonstop series of curve balls, and what separates the happy people from the not-so-happy people is the ability to adapt to your circumstances.

If you’re single, embrace it! There are many freedoms that come with being single, some of which you must give up when you commit to a relationship. When you’re single, you have sexual freedom. In addition to that, you have a lot more spare time than you do when you’re coupled. Sound silly? It shouldn’t – as a couple, you have to navigate two separate individuals’ social calendars of events.

I’ve heard many people say that the best way to find a partner is to avoid looking for it. I think this is one of the greatest myths out there in the dating universe. The truth is that you must wear on your face an openness and interest in the possibility in order for someone to pick up the signals. However, it is possible to hold two different beliefs about the same issue at the same time. You can enjoy being single but say to yourself that you would also love the opportunity to meet someone meaningful.

The important thing is to accept whatever stage of life you’re in and accept the pleasures that come with it. If you’re in a long-term relationship, there are wonderful advantages. Society is much better at reinforcing the advantages of commitment than it is at reinforcing the advantages of singledom. Somehow, society puts a ‘better’ status on people who are in a relationship. Think about the question either you’ve asked others or others have asked you: “Why are you single?” That’s a pretty provincial question. It suggests that the person who’s doing the asking doesn’t yet understand that being single isn’t so bad and, in fact, has its advantages.