“I’m currently in the National Guard and I have been courting a girl i’ve known for years for over a year. She happens to be training in the Air Force right now. We’ve liked each other for a long time, however we haven’t been able to maintain a real relationship because of other obstacles besides the distance. She was able to come home over christmas time and visit and it was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Over the last year we have both slipped. She got with and almost got married to someone she didn’t figure the relationship would last with anyway, and I lost my virginity to a girl that didnt care about me cause I lost all hope of being with her. All of this because we couldnt be together at the time. When I got to see her, before she left I asked her out since I had the chance. She declined because she doesnt want a long-distance relationship. I told her I was planning on going active-duty anyway(which I am) but she still said no because we dont know the details yet. Basically in order to be with the girl I fell for I’ve gotta make a lot of life changing decisions. We know we love each other, we are very passionate together and we fancy each other as our soulmates. I dont wanna lose her shes the most important thing in my life right now. Im just confused on how to make things work.”

- Monte (22)

“Well, I have known this woman for about 4 months. We get along great and hang out from time to time. We are pretty straight forward with each other and enjoy each others company. Recently I had asked her if she would consider giving someone like me a shot and go out on a date one night. Her response was that all I would have to do is try and make a move. I then said to myself that was pretty easy. I then told her that I have been checking her out since day one and that I was always interested in her and that she did not realize that and thought I wanted to be friends at first. I told her that the times we have hung out that it was all in bars and that it’s not my style to attempt to slobber all up on you and grope you in a bar. i said that I consider taking her out on a one on one date and doing the right way. Her response was thank goodness. She has also told me that many guys have failed with her trying to get with her by thinking they can do what they want due to her flirtatious activites. Now the problem I am having is just trying to get that date with her. Our schedules are always conflicting. Either she is working or I am not or vice versa. She is also a very flirtatious girl from what I notice and it’s hard to distinguish from innocent flirting to if she is really into another guy or not. She will do this when I am around when we were hanging out but to be fair I hadn’t mentioned the fact I wanted to take her out yet. So recently we hung out at a bar and I noticed that there was another guy I have seen around her a few times before and he was trying to hug her and getting up all in her space, she didn’t seem to responsive to his advances however, there was a point in the night where they starting arguing and it made me think if she was seeing him. I then went up to her and asked her if everything is ok with her. She said yeah. I then asked her if she was seeing him because his friends said in his mind that he was. I told them that’s not what I heard and I talked to the source and she said no they are not. I then played it cool and mentioned that even though I would still like to take you out that she is still a single woman and she can do whatever she wants and that I don’t want to be a fool in asking you out if you are seeing someone else and said that would be disrespecful on my part if I were to do that and I don’t go about things that way in that manner. Basically my question is that should I be patient with this woman and when the time comes to go out one on one? I mean she already gave me the green light when she said make a move and I would have to try. It’s just frustrating waiting for our schedules to conflict. She still invites me out to parties and group events and she contacts me daily saying good morning and good night. I know I have the opening and feel good about the situation but, getting the opportunity to be in the situation is frustrating. What should I do? Be patient or just forget it?”

- Dave (30, Brooklyn, NY)

“I am so confused. I need some advice/direction. I have been dating this wonderful man for 10 months. He has made me happier that I have ever been. We are so made for each other. He is very close with his family and I am very close with mine. The problem came in when he and I decided that we wanted to move to another state. My family felt that it was important to get to know him before we moved. Within those 10 months he has been around my family maybe three times. I asked him why he does not like to come around and he said that because he feels like he is being prejudged because of my past relationship and that they want to interrogate him. In my past relationship I was involved with a man for 13 years that did everything but physically hit me. After the relationship was over I had nothing left of me, I spent about two years picking up the pieces of my life. Then I met this wonderful man and we fell madly in love instantly, we knew early on that we wanted to get married and have kids. So I have been preparing to move and my family was happy for me but at the same time concerned because they have not had much time with him and they started to worry because they didn’t know much about him. They all kept telling me that they were happy for me but at the same time afraid of me getting hurt. One relative decided to take it upon them self to look into his background. I told him what was done and now he feels like his feelings about my family were proven right. We got into a huge fight that involved both families. All my family was doing was trying to love and protect me but they went about it the wrong way. In my opinion they should have just seen how happy he has made me and that he has never done anything to hurt me in any way. He then told all his family what had happened and now they are all upset. They feel like all he did was make me happy and they had not right to do that. So now the real problem comes in, we have broken up. All I kept hearing from people was we don’t want you to get hurt. I got scared and instead of taking time to think about myself and what I wanted I let everyone else’s fears freak me out. That really sucks because neither of us wants that. Yes he and I have a few things to work out but it’s not anything that cannot be fixed. We are a very strong and close couple I believe we can work through anything we can control. I just don’t know how to fix the family mess. He is so angry and does not want anything to do with my family. And his family is upset with me and my. They are upset with me because I hurt him and because I chose to not think about what I wanted. Also that my family did not take into consideration that he has made me happy and that he has never hurt me. All he did was love me. He and I are confused because we would like to have a future together that includes marriage and kids but don’t think we can do it with the family mess. How do we do damage control and fix this family situation? He and I know it cannot work if he there is so much anger between everyone. I cannot get married to a man who feels like he wants to leave when my family comes around. It’s not fair. I feel like I can make things right with his family. I don’t want to lose the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time.”

- Lost in Love (33)

“well there is this girl i have known for about 5 months we really didn’t talk to each other very much when we first met, but these last 2 months we have gone out 5 times. we have a couple classes together on campus. she broke up with her boy friend a couple months ago too. well she seems to like me but she has never really shown it. she always walks with me, sits by me, but when it comes down to it she likes flirting with other guys, but we are always together. what should i do? am i in the good guy (friend) stereotype with her?”

- Alex (18, Roy, Utah)

A good marriage has many of the attributes of friendship.  There’s someone to zip the back of your dress, give an honest opinion about a tie with a jacket, get aspirin when you have a headache, or laugh at your jokes. All good stuff.  But what sustains a marriage and makes it GREAT is Emotional Intimacy.

Emotional intimacy is what makes living together on a day-to-day basis, with all its ups and downs, easy and comfortable and why it’s so important for every couple to have intimacy rituals that can be practiced daily. No, I don’t mean candles, heated massage oil, and the hot tub. It’s not that I don’t recommend such things. I do, especially for sexual intimacy.  But let’s not confuse physical intimacy with emotional intimacy.  In the beginning intimacy equaled SEX! But once you’ve settled into your nest, kids come along, there’s a lawn to be mowed, the cat has to go to the vet, the car breaks down, the toilet backs up, one of you loses a job, gets sick, or has an argument with a friend. All of that makes you too tired to think and squelches the urge to jump each other’s bones.

What’s more, with everyday life, the opportunities for sex are fewer and when the opportunity presents itself, there will be times when you really do have a headache, are too irritated by your mouthy teen-ager’s attitude, have an early flight to catch, or for whatever reason you’re just not in the mood. You cannot rely on sex to provide the intimacy you need to have a great relationship. Yes, a good sex life is important, but without emotional intimacy, your marriage is likely to wither and die no matter how great the sex may be.

Intimacy rituals connect you emotionally and should be observed on an almost daily basis. They don’t have to be complicated or take a big chunk of time. With just a little imagination, you can morph a daily chore or event into an intimacy ritual. Here’s what Hubby Dale and I do. At the beginning of the day, Dale sits in the bathroom and chats with me while I get dressed for the office. We don’t talk about anything special, we’re just together for a few minutes before we go our separate ways. We come back together over dinner. While Dale cooks, I sit in our breakfast nook and sip the glass of wine that he’s poured for me. We don’t answer the phone and the TV is off. We talk about current events or Dale’s trip to the grocery store where he ran into a friend, we chuckle over something cute a grandchild said, we plan a dinner party, or revisit a favorite memory.  An eavesdropper would find it mundane, but for us, it’s a reconnection after being apart all day.

For you, an intimacy ritual might be calling each other on your lunch hour and taking 15 minutes to catch up on your day, cooking dinner together, doing an evening crossword puzzle, playing dominoes, or turning off the TV, snuggling and chatting for 20 minutes before going to sleep.

Converting an everyday event into an intimacy ritual may require nothing more than a change in how you view that activity. Finding the time may be as easy as doing together what one usually does alone. Bathing the baby, pulling weeds, grocery shopping, preparing the evening meal, washing the cars, etc., are all opportunities for the kind of togetherness that fosters emotional intimacy. You just need the right state of mind.

Give it a try and see how much closer you will be.

“I need some advice, my wife and I are going through some turmoil. She has told me she would like a divorce, we agreed to take the next year or so to pay off bills to make it easier finacially on both of us. She also has told me that she wants to take day at a time and see what happens. She says right now she has no feelings for me in the way a wife should, but she doesn’t know if in the future they will come back. Right now she is following her heart and her heart is leading her away from me. I have asked if she was interested or seeing someone else and she has said no, that she just wants to be alone for a while. We have two children and I am in our house and still sleep in the same bed with her. There is no physical connection ie, no hand holding, no hugging, no kissing ect. No I love you’s or any of the sort. We still do things together with the kids and with each other, we don’t go out together too much, but we did have a great new years together and she hugged me. I asked her if she would go on a date with me and she said now is not the right time. So my question is what do I do? Do I give her space and how do I do that? I love her very much, and I want this to work out and hopefully reconnect stronger, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I start asking the same questions and bothering her. Any and help would be great. Thanks.”

- Rob (33, Virginia Beach, VA)

“I was seeing a sales business partner for about a year, she is married, we had no sex, I feel deeply for her, I thought she was for me, i gave her advice for kids, how to fix relationship etc., dec, she said she wanted to work on her family, leave her alone, I was source of her problems, etc., I left her alone, no calls, nothing, saw her at biz meeting, she is being mean to me, does not want to support my work efforts(she is superior in biz), she knows I dislike one person older than I was born on same b’day as mine, thus she likes to poke me with it, I can be a jealous person, she knows that, thus, she mentioned to me under guise of bus email to me and others that she attended party with him and saw potential prospects, etc., meanwhile when I asked ner to work with me, she said she was busy could not make it, but I have been paying her way less attention, not falling for her emotional attachment needs, because I realize she is not leaving home and is not serious about a relationship with me, thus, why is she so insecure and trying to obviously piss me off, get my goat, this actually is turning me off more, because someone that wants to inflict pain on me, and send me into a tailspin, is not someone that I want to be with in my life, even if I like them or care about them, especialy since she is still married and not taking steps to leave? Can you give me some psychological insight into her mind set, she is extremely bright TOP WORLD RENOWED SCIENTIST FROM CHINA ORIGINALLY. I just want to know the mindset of someone who wants to be cruel and inflict pain on me, too me, not cool, especially since, I did nothing but try to help her and help her situation, she is a mindgame aries, me a tauro the bull, what you see is what you get, no games, please. thanks, dude is eating it up. thanks for your advice.”

- Sid (44, Dumfries, VA)

“I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we both love eachother more than anything. i have bad depression and i have realized now how much i have taken him for granted and how much stuff he has had to deal with. we are now nearly separating and he is confused. i am getting help with my depression problems and i want to show him i will change and be the girlfriend he deserves and the girl he fell for. how can i show him and make him believe this will happen?”

- Natalie (18, Queensland, Australia)

“Me and my girlfriend have been dating for only been dating for a week and a day, but i really love her. My brother is already married, and i feel like i should be too. Should i Propose to Julie? If so, how should i do it? were should i do it?

also my girlfriend told me she wanted to ‘play doctor’ with me. but we are both virgins and have promised to be virgins till marriage. how can we play doctor and not have it be too sexual?”

- Joe (20, TX)

“Nice to study some of your atricles online.I need genuine advise from you as i feel you have immense knowledge about the same.

My name is Ran and I am married with two children. Though I am married I am not happy because i could not find the girl i liked to marry.
Mine is arranged marriage completed 12 years but till date there is no actual love between us.We have physical relationship just to have it .
The love does not exists because we think very different and no compactibility.

I had met my wifes female friend during my marriage and liked her since than. She has become a good friend of mine too in recent months She is unmarried and had no boyfriends and had relationship with them. Lastly she had a relationship with a guy who does not care for her and avoiding her. She loves him a lot and she is adament that she will marry to this guy. But i know it is not possible because the guy does not like her at all. He has used her and dumped her. She says she will only marry to this guy and will have relationship only with this guy.

I had helped this female friend of mine and i had started loving her much more and she knows about it. She also feels that i want to use her as a side platter dish.  Eat and through which she had done all her life.

- Ran (34, India)