Angie Asked:
“My husband admits to being a sex addict and I have found out what he does many times, he always promises to change but I simply cant trust him and he is very angry with me because of this. I have had similar destructive relationships before and I had a very bad upbringing with an alcoholic father no mum and my brother abused me so my self esteem is rock bottom most of the time, I dont know how or If I should trust him or indeed anybody as I feel very vunerable if I do! I am 15 years older than him and I am obese and have a lot of health problems too and also have 28 year old autistic son who I care for!
I just want to throw the towel in and give up on him. I cant leave as I have no money all my money went into buying the house we live in now! I am disabled and have my son to think of too, he would not cope with moving as I moved 250 miles away from all my family and friends to be with him, I dont have a sole too talk to here. I dont know what to do, I feel I am totally trapped and I am desperate for help and support from somebody.
What should I do ? “
- Angie (50, U.K)
When you are married and you are looking into either separate or to actually divorce, that’s a big step, not only for you, but for the rest of the family as well. When you have kids together, it’s even a bigger decision then if you are just married without children. You have to take look at how it will effect the kids and if they are close with both parents and such. Then you still have to talk about custody and visitation. In some cases, the other parent might not matter as much as some. Sometimes one of the parents will give in and just let the one have the kids and see them whenever they can or not at all. Other times there are going to be ugly custody hearings. Sometimes parents should agree to disagree on things and each should give a little. Either way with a divorce or a separation it’s going to be hardest on the kids. So make sure that you talk to your kids and somewhat let them know what is going on and that things will be changing and let them know that the both of you still love them unconditionally but that you two just need a break.
Traditional psychology thinks of functional families as lacking conflict. A traditional psychologist might label familial strife as dysfunctional but evolution actually predicts- if not demands- a certain level of conflict within families. Every individual in a family has her or his own reproductive interests that have to interact with the reproductive interests of everyone else. A child that helps raise a younger sibling may be passing on part of her or his genes at the expense of being able to mate and pass on the whole package.
