Ever wonder why, when you’re falling in love, you can’t think of anything else? As if you’re addicted to your sweetheart? You are addicted. Dopamine. Adrenalin. Serotonin. When you’re falling in love, your brain produces these hormones by the gallon. Dopamine has the same effect on your brain as cocaine. Adrenaline and Serotonin contribute to the can’t-think-of-anything-else obsession. This flood of hormones is why we’re blinded to the all-too-soon-painfully-obvious flaws of the object of our affection.

All those love-hormones make us want to have sex. Lots of it. Having sex triggers other hormones, including Oxytocin and Vasopressin, both of which cause us to bond and form long-term relationships. So far, so good, right? Well, here’s the dirty trick: The hormones produced when we have sex are believed to interfere with the brain’s ability to produce the falling-in-love hormones. That’s why the lusty-can’t-get-enough-of-you, high-on-love feeling goes away.

What?????  You mean we’re programmed to fall in love, have sex and bond, and our “reward” is that the blinders come off and we realize we’re coupled with someone who really isn’t the perfect 10 we once thought? ‘Fraid so. And, in the harsh light of objectivity, it makes sense. If we were all walking around with our heads in the clouds, no one would have the focus to find the cure for the common cold or end global warming, let alone take care of daily business. Turns out love isn’t as much an affair of the heart as it is Mother Nature’s way of ensuring that we fall in love, mate and reproduce to ensure the continuation of our species. Okay. But, since we’re hardwired to couple, wouldn’t you think Mother Nature would have been more generous in doling out relationship survival skills? Sorry. You’re on your own. That’s why when the falling-in-love stage ends, we think, often mistakenly, that we got it wrong, and why so many divorces occur in the first three years of marriage.

Knowing all this may take some of the romance out of falling and being in love. But isn’t it reassuring to know that you’re not alone? And knowledge is power. Knowing that the falling-in-love stage is just that, a stage, helps you prepare for the being-in-love long haul. Here’s how:

Focus on the positive. Yep, you’re going to notice that your sweetie has faults. Guess what? Your sweetheart is noticing the same thing about you. You’re both wonderful. And you’re both flawed. Stay focused on the “wonderful.”

Remember that differences are just that, not matters of right and wrong. Being married isn’t hard work but being “right” is. You’re not always going to see eye-to-eye. That’s okay.

Remember that words hurt. Be careful what you say and how you say it. Words hurt and can cause mortal wounds. They can never be taken back.

Remember the power of nice. Make it a point to be kind to each other and to do things that say, “I love you.”

Remember that the little things count big time. Most marriages that fail suffer death by a thousand cuts that are not individually lethal but cumulatively sap the life out of once vibrant relationship. Little hurts will destroy a relationship as effectively as infidelity. It just takes longer. Likewise, little acts of kindness go a long way to keeping the marriage solid.

Bottom line: Every couple experiences the end of the falling-in-love high. It’s inevitable. That’s not the “real deal.” It’s Mother Nature up to her tricks. The “real deal” is the quiet but profound and enduring love that sustains you throughout the years.

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On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Shela Dean.