The night begins with a normal dinner on a normal night in a normal home. Carissa sits with Jonah enjoying what he believes to be a wonderful dinner. As their forks and knives clang the white plates, Jonah talks about his day of work, and the same disappointment that he experiences on a day to day basis. Her eyes scan the table, full of delights she cooked after coming home from her own tedious day of work. The seared chicken breasts, green beans, and hand made mashed potatoes all push steam into the forefront within their tinted bowls. The old antique table makes a noise marking its age as Jonah lifts to reach the salt. She looks at him and nods as he talks but really can’t hear a thing he’s saying. It’s always the same discussion over and over again about work or his dissatisfaction with work. Sometimes she just wants to say, “Shut up and do something about it.” Yet, she plays the role of the good woman, for a good man, but a man who seems to take comfort in doing the same thing every single day, whereas Carissa is growing tired of the routine.  It would be easy to just tell him, but she is afraid of how he will react. The day has been long, with the shade of night already falling upon their humble home. The time is already 7:47 p.m., too late to really enjoy anything else. The days pass so fast as she continues to nod as if she is really listening to him speak. All that passes through her ears is “blah, blah, blah, blah.” Jonah never makes time for the small things anymore. The obvious question is why does she stay? Why doesn’t she say something? Because she feels it’s primarily her fault. The man she once knew was adventurous with his fast car, fast bikes, and fast lifestyle. There wasn’t a time when he wouldn’t hop up and do something on a whim and that’s what she loved about him. He wasn’t an irresponsible guy. On the contrary, he was a hugely responsible self-employed young man with a great income. She gazes at him now as a hard working, not reasonably unhappy young man, but he’s not the man she met so long ago. With his gallant looks, squeaky-clean image, perfectly groomed mustache, and refined look, he still resembles the man she fell in love with so many years ago.  So, how was this her fault? As their love and admiration developed, Carissa pushed for Jonah to “grow up.” He would whisk her away at a moments notice but never take anything too serious. His response to everything was, “It’s gonna be alright.” For the first few years, it was great to have that level of excitement. The frequent trips, the spontaneous adventures they used to take, the way he would make the most fun out of any situation. As he talked, she was thinking about the time Jonah stood up and sang to her “Will you marry me” at the DMV. She was so embarrassed but she enjoyed it at the same time. As time progressed, she began to become more “responsible” and believed that he should be more responsible, but that meant changing who he was. Now she understand that if she had been honest with him in the first place, by telling him that she was unhappier with herself, and hated him for being what she wanted to be. The constant negative words to him forced who he once was into hiding and now she looks 4 feet across the table at a man that she wanted but misses the man that made her laugh, enjoy life, and smile. She smirks, looking down on half empty plate, thinking about how he would keep her up at night tickling her, and spanking her on her butt because they were so playful. Now she was lucky to get a tap on the arm, as he kisses her on the forehead and goes right to sleep. “Carissa, what are you smiling at?” he says to her from across the table. “Oh, nothing, I was just thinking about what you said.” She gave him a quick response and had no idea what he was talking about. Jonah began to keep talking about whatever he was talking about and Carissa went back to imagining what things used to be like. It is a Thursday night and she was eagerly awaits Friday morning. On this day every week, she has coffee with the adjuster from the third floor of the investment firm she works with. Nathan is his name, and he reminds her of the man she loved years ago. They talk is all, and that’s as far as she will allow it to go. This isn’t another one of those cases where she cheats because she doesn’t receive what she wants at home. She is cheating, but not in the form we often think. Nathan is one of those guys who plays the role of whatever a woman wants, but he is no more spontaneous than a case of the herpes. You know what you got when you get it. She just enjoys talking with him and playing the role as well. She has thought about leaving him, but it would be so unfair to Jonah after all she has put him through. After yelling and screaming for some months, Jonah finally decided to become the man she wanted him to become and landed a job at a small insurance firm to appease her. Carissa is a thinker, so she always thinks about all he gave up in the name of love to be with her. It has her worried how much she has become him and how much he has become her. She changed him, and firmly believes that she can revert him back to what he once was.

To be continued….

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On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Rajah Smart, M.A. ED.