We talked, as if we hadn’t been fighting more than 30 minutes before. She smiled and laughed so much. It was as if she missed laughing and smiling.

Once we caught up, we decided to go for a walk through the neighborhood. It was like we were younger again, as we played around and held hands. She didn’t want the day to end and I had to be back home before six or face my dad. She needed to talk to me about “something important.” I told her to call me once the Black Demon pulled up in the driveway. She gave me another hug and it was time to get to the prison. Driving away, my eyes could see her still in the street watching me pull away. That one vision has stayed with me because it was the last day she was the person who helped me survive the teenage years.

Walking through the door, I made sure that my shower, chores and whatever else was out of the way to allow me to speak with her on the phone. We had the tendency to stay on the phone for a long time. When the phone rang, my body dived across the couch to catch it on the second ring.

‘Hello,’ I say exasperated from trying to get the phone.

‘Can you talk?’

‘Yes, go ahead. What do you want to talk about?’

Part of me admittedly developed a little crush on my old friend and didn’t realize this until that particular day. The side of me that loved the booty was coming out. That night on the phone, Sharon expressed to me her feelings about Derrick. Her focus was on Derrick and my feelings were crushed. My problem is that my assumptions always got the better of me, and those assumptions would have my mind foolishly backtracking. She talked long and quite frank about her feelings towards Derrick.

Sharon talked of how nice Derrick is and how he really tries to take care of her. It was good that she finally had someone to take care of her. She made it clear some time ago that he took care of her and at that time moving on was better for me. Luckily, it was my fortune to run into an old girlfriend named Ericka and very interested in pursuing something with her. Sharon had a way of making things very difficult for me because she wanted me to hang around her and Derrick. That night it was clear that she loved him and time was telling me to move on with my life. At that age, we become interested and disinterested in relationships quickly. Once the decision was made to move on, that is just what happened. Sharon and I got off the phone and my mind was made up to not chase a pipe dream of being with her.

The more days progressed during this period, the more Sharon confused my mind. Two weeks after that conversation, we made a date to go to Pirates Park. Pirates Park was a miniature golf place where you could also play video games and go-cart. The days were closing in that school would be over, so we needed to spend time remembering the good old days. Afterwards, we went to the movies and back to her house. Her parents were down south again, which became a monthly trip for the two of them. Sharon was trusted because she never did anything wrong. Her mother always called her an easy child.

We were in the back yard playing catch, as we normally did on those nice summer days in Michigan. She spoke of life and how it can be so funny. This was my phase of listening without listening. She would always have these revelations about life and my mind would usually go off somewhere else. A part of me suspected that she knew my attention was elsewhere. We didn’t talk much anymore about my dating because there was nothing to talk about. Ericka and I were moving slowly, and she rarely called. Sharon didn’t seem interested in my dating anyway, often getting an attitude when talking about other females.

After throwing the ball, we went in and sat in the den, enjoying the air conditioned room. Sitting back on the couch relaxing, Sharon wanted me to do something for her. She knew that I would do just about anything for her. The question that sparked the discussion was direct and out of character for her.

‘I want you to do something for me.’

‘What is that?’ I ask cautiously.

‘Answer some questions for me and don’t lie about it because it’s important to me.’

Something in her voice told me she was very serious about this discussion. Her whole demeanor changed while we were sitting there on the couch.

‘Okay. Shoot your questions to me.’

‘Since we have known each other, how come you never tried to kiss me?’

Being caught off guard is an understatement with regards to the question she just asked. What was there to say?

‘The thought of kissing you would go against our friendship. I like having you as a friend and don’t want to mess that up.’

‘That’s not really answering my question. I guess I want to know if you ever thought about it.’

‘Yea,’ I mutter reluctantly, nervous about the situation. ‘Why, did you want me to?’

‘It would at least show me that you care about me.’

‘I do care about you, you should know that. Where is this coming from?’

‘Thinking about you. You never touched me or said you care, so what was supposed to be thought?’ she said.

‘Taking advantage of you after all that has happened to you would’ve been wrong.’

‘You can’t take advantage of me because you can only do what is allowed by me. Tell me how you feel about me or if you still care.’

‘Of course, but why do you want me to tell you all this? Derrick is your boyfriend…..’

‘Don’t bring him up because we are not talking about him, this is about you. I just want to know.’

‘Why though? As friends and the fact that you have a boyfriend, those feelings aren’t important’ I replied.

‘They are to me and it is important no matter what you say. Tell me how you feel or I will never talk to you again.’

‘Don’t threaten me. You know you will be calling me later.’

‘Why is it so hard for you to tell me?’ she said angrily. ‘Just do that for me.’

‘Okay! You want to know, fine. Part of me does have relationship feelings for you. I wanted to kiss you plenty of times, but was scared that you would be mad at me.’

‘Why? We’ve been friends forever. I wouldn’t think you’d be trying to hurt me or anything.’

To be continued………..

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About The Expert

On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Rajah Smart, M.A. ED.