One afternoon, Ericka came by my house to see me with a friend of hers. It was funny because my appearance was terrible, yet she still found me appealing. There was a tight ass t-shirt on my frame, some loose shorts that exposed my hairy legs, and a fade that had grown in all the way. She didn’t seem to mind though. We talked briefly as she stared and my eyes stared right back. By this time, the senior year is almost coming to a close. We were in the month of May, waiting for the weather to really come together. Once she left, this body jumped in the shower and ran out to our local music store, the “Music Planet.” The place was a little over priced, but this was before Circuit City. My mood was so good and unshakable. Upon leaving, my eyes sight a mutual friend of Sharon and me, so we stopped to say hello to one another. Trina was her name, and we talked about everything under the sun, including Sharon. Trina brought to my attention that Sharon had changed. It was shocking to hear because Sharon was so grounded, but my assumptions got the best of me. It was not that she changed mentally; she changed physically because she had a baby on the way. All my mind could think was “What the hell?” She couldn’t call me to tell me or write a letter to let me know. After hearing this news from Trina, I immediately ran home and called Sharon to talk. Unfortunately, it was still difficult to get through, so my idea changed to acting like I was someone else. When calling about an hour later, I chose to impersonate Derrick.

‘Hello.’

‘Can I speak to Sharon?’

‘Whose calling?’ her mother asked.

‘Derrick.’

As if her mom had an attitude, she slammed the phone down and called for Sharon. Low and behold, she yelled back and headed for the phone.

‘Hello.’

‘Hello, how are you?’

‘Fine. Who is this?’ she asked.

‘This is your long lost friend Rajah.’

‘Oh my god! You know don’t you?’

‘Yes I do and it’s a shame that I had to find out from someone else.’

‘I swear you were going to find out from me.’

‘Whatever. You never returned my calls anyway and when I called an hour ago, you didn’t take the call. So now what?’

‘I wasn’t ready to tell you.’ She explained.

‘It doesn’t matter. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, so I will talk to you later.’

‘No wait! We need to talk!’

‘No. I’m tired of being on your time. You didn’t have the decency to call me after all this time so what could we possibly need to talk about?’

‘Please…We need to talk about something.’

‘Hold on just a second.’

The phone clicks and the call is for my mother, so clicking back over, Sharon was informed that we would talk later. There were no intentions for me to call her back.

‘Sharon, this is for my mom, so we can talk later.’

‘You swear!’

‘No! I will talk to you later.’

Clicking back over, there was no guilt in my heart for what just happened. My reaction was because my heart was hurt that she could not call me to talk. It would be more months before the two of us would actually have a conversation. The funny thing is she actually came to my high school after school to hunt me down and speak to me about her problems more than likely.

Coming out of my fifth period heading home because of the co-op, she was in the parking lot. The resilience she showed to catch up with me was very impressive, but the fact of the matter is she hurt me and for that she would be treated as such. Her appearance was no different than the last time we saw one another, so apparently she had the baby. You would never think she had a baby. If a female had a baby when I was that age, you did not want to have anything to do with them. This conversation had to be about Derrick. Her body was leaned against her car, with her arms crossed, as if she was bent on talking with me.

‘Hey Rajah.’

‘Hi.’

‘Can we talk just for a moment? There’s something that you have to know.’

‘Go ahead and talk.’

‘Okay. I understand that you are angry with me and you have every right to be angry because things could have been handled better. The last time we spoke, really cleared up some things for me. This may sound stupid but I really care about you. NO. I am not going to say that anymore. I love you, and I know you love me’ she says in a soft voice. That night we made love really made me feel so good inside, and it made me know that we need each other. To be sure of my feelings, Derrick and I slept together finally and it was not the same. You have always been there for me and that is missed. I know the games were too much, and I’m sure that is how you feel, but……”

What words could you put together in a situation like this? My heart could not reciprocate the same feelings back to her, yet she continued to talk.

‘These are things you need to know. Where I wanted to go was not where you wanted to go, so I made a decision to stop. Does that make sense?’

‘No,’ I responded.

‘God this is hard. I wanted to be with you but you did not want to be with me.’

‘Sharon, that is bullshit and you know it. I wanted to be with you so bad and it was even worse when we did it. See, you are still playing games. You just realized you were not happy with him, and want to be with me now, plain and simple!’

To be continued…………….

“Sinners have a Soul Too” is on every Monday at 9am EST. Please participate in the show by leaving comments and suggestions about the show or what you think it should happen next! Our author might consider your ideas for the next episode!

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About The Expert

On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Rajah Smart, M.A. ED.