I could have written about the top five or top ten problems couples face, but really, if you focus on not having one of the top three, you are doing great!!

Did someone say Sex?- Once you are well on your way to a long term relationship, sex or lack of it, may become an issue and cause you and your partner to have conflict.  Whether it’s the where, how, or when, sex trouble will rear its little head.  Inevitably the frequency will diminish.  Sure, the first year was filled with sex-capades of varying places, times, and fantasies.  Sure, she used to wear Vera Wang black lacy thongs and five inch “come fuck me heels”.  Now, you have to look at Uggs, half of the time.  Not that those can’t be sexy with the right skirt, but seriously, where are the heels?  He used to bring you flowers or surprise you in the middle of the day with sexy texts and tell you how much he couldn’t wait to come home and ravish you.  Now, your lucky if he puts down his blackberry long enough to even notice that you have been wearing Uggs every day.  Regardless of why your sex life isn’t where you want it, revamping or recreating your sex life will benefit the overall quality of your relationship.

Mo-Money Please- It is said that money is the root of evil.  But really the lack of money can be the devil and cause major issues in a couple’s life.  The key is to not fall into the trap of overspending.  If you have to live on a budget, even though that may be boring, do it.  Humans are habitual “buyers” and seem to want more and more “things”.  How many pairs of shoes does a girl need?  Ok, I know I should not have said that, but if you are having money issues, stop buying new shoes, until things are under control.  And guys, how many “toys” or gadgets do you need.  Endless purchasing on credit cards is a black-hole that will cause couples to never see the light of day.  Stop spending what you don’t have and remember, sometimes more is less.

Trust or Lust- Many humans have trust issues long before they get into intimate relationships.  Typically as a result of experiences that happened when they were children and often related to parent issues.  Creating a loving, trustful relationship is challenging and often requires good communication and support from one another.  If a breach in trust occurs, such as infidelity, it may be almost impossible to recover from it and the “cheatee” may never fully trust the “cheater” again.  Be proactive and just don’t cheat or lie.  Humans usually take everything personal so it is likely if you cheat or lie to your partner, they will take it very personal and be hurt by your actions.  It is likely the will hold resentment and both of you will be miserable.   The best way to handle this is avoid the behavior; don’t lie and don’t cheat.

Note: 17% percent divorces in the U.S. are caused by infidelity.  This does not include non-married couples but I would guess it’s about the same; thus 34% of relationships end due to infidelity.  Other interesting infidelity statistics: http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

Final thoughts- Relationships are tough but we are all here for the same thing; to love and be loved.  Having a long term, intimate relationship with another human being can be a beautiful adventure.  If you can have a great relationship with yourself and learn to understand yourself and express your wants and needs to others and can avoid the above three pitfalls, you are on the road to a symbiotic, long term relationship with the one you love.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Check out my web at Robbie411.com

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