This has been written about many times and it isn’t rocket science. You don’t have to be a genius. You don’t have to over think it. The reasons, or answers, whatever you want to call it, are as plain as the nose on your face. You broke up for a million reasons and sometimes it was long over due but you finally break up.

Leading up to the break up. There are usually signs leading up to the “break up”; the lack of sex, a lot of arguing, everything they do annoys you, you find other things to do so you don’t have to go home, nitpicking, nagging, an over indulgence of drugs and/or alcohol, etc. These events sometimes begin long before the actual break up occurs but couples tend to ignore them. Sometimes a thought runs through your head that “oh my goodness, I have to get out of this”, but the thought of being single or finding anyone new is worse. So you continue on “hoping” things will get better or resolve itself on its own. One or both of you may even acknowledge that there is a problem so you discuss and maybe even mention “couple’s therapy” but nothing ever materializes. Perhaps one or both of you become defensive and it just leads to another argument. So you avoid talking about it any more. Maybe there is even a temporary break up occurrence, where someone actually moves out or lashes out and actually says, “I am done”. However, after a couple  of weeks go by, you both miss each other, talk on the phone and BAM, you are back together. Breaking up and making up may even occur a few times before the “final” break up.

Back sliding. A couple weeks go by where there is no communication with your ex, but the remnants of things you did together make you think of them. You find a pair of their socks or their hair product in the cabinet, you hear a song that you both loved, or you visit your favorite restaurant where you and your ex spent plenty of time. It’s hard to move on when now that you are apart, begin missing them. You even go out on a few dates to see what’s out there. Then the communication lines with your ex open. They needed a piece of mail or they owed you money and now you talk to work out the details of swapping “stuff”. The conversations are nice, you don’t argue, you seemingly are getting along again. You realize how much you miss them and maybe you are even still in love with them. Hard to say, really. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. After dating a few prospects you realize, “Oh, my goodness, there is no one out here for me”. You begin thinking that since you already put time and effort into knowing your ex that maybe you should work it out. You decide the known is better than the unknown and without much thought, agree to get back together.

Back sliding is not an uncommon occurrence. Getting to know someone new is hard but is it harder than trying to make an old relationship work? I couldn’t find statistics of success rates of getting back with an ex, but there is a lot to consider if you are going to give it another go. You need to really look at some of the reasons you broke up and the key to any relationship is communication and trust. Each individual in the relationship must also have their own individual goals and dreams to keep a balance in the relationship and experience their own personal growth. If you are considering taking your ex back, potential reasons to take him/her back are:

You truly love who he/she is and their life goals;

He/she enriches your life;

He/she is a good companion;

He/she does not only think of themselves.

There are probably many more things to ask your self but it’s a start. If you only take them back because it’s financially convenient, you still lust after them, and/or it’s the most comfortable situation, chances are the reconciliation will not last.

Final thoughts. If you are thinking about taking your ex back, think about it long and hard. If the last six months or so of the relationship was awful or you were both miserable, chances are it’s not such a great idea and most likely not healthy for either of you.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women.

Join my mailing list at Robbie411.com.

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