Definition of “Nuts and Bolts” from Answers.com: Slang, meaning the basic working components or practical aspects
You finally asked her out. Yes gentlemen, most women want you to take that initiative and ask her out on the first date. I understand about the women’s movement, the feminist movement, equal rights, or whatever you want to call it. But when push comes to shove, women want you to ask her out. Just like women have no interest in taking out the trash; you should take out the trash for her. There are men roles and there are women roles and roles that are interchangeable. I am not saying that after the first date, she can not, will not, or should not ask you out. I am strictly talking “the first date”. Ladies, I think it’s great if you ask a man out on the first date, kudos to you!
Where should I take her on the first date? This requires forethought, creativity, and research. Keep in mind that you want it to be memorable, especially if you already know you are attracted to her and already know you have a strong interest in going out with her again. One of the tips in my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, is DO NOT take her to a movie on a first date. Aside from the lack of interaction you will have for nearly three hours, it is way too cliché for my taste as a first date. Of course, if she indicates she is dying to see a new movie that just came out, I recommend dinner before the movie versus after. It gives you the opportunity to converse and be involved before the long stretch of non-communication and may be less distracting during the movie. I would be inclined to want to engage with her during the movie if I was super interested in her; so dinner or a meal before hand will curb this a bit.
I strongly recommend having a few phone conversations with her prior to the first date in order to find out what she likes and what her passions are. Learning if she likes horseback riding, hiking, sailing, the beach, or whatever you learn about her, will give you a platform to think of something creative surrounding one of her interests. For example, last year I dated a girl who fancied fine wines. Since I live in Northern California (and she did not), it was a no brainer to take her to Napa and explore wine tasting with her. It was not as simple as just taking her there though. It required a bit of research in planning which wineries to visit, how to get there, making wine tasting appointments, and online exploration of potential lunch spots. Also keep in mind if you have a bit of a drive, in this case it was an nourish, I packed bagels, bananas, and cream cheese in a cooler for a snack on the road, as well as a nice bottle of champagne. You want to take charge of the date, at least initial planning. It is, however, important to be flexible once you are actually on the date. To illustrate, as we were driving from Napa over to Sonoma, I got a bit lost (missed a turn off displayed on my pre-printed map) and instead of concerning ourselves to stay on my intended destination, she suggested to pull over and stop at a random winery that we had just past. So I did. This showed flexibility and spontaneity, which most people really appreciate, and resulted in a great wine tasting experience!
What to wear on a first date? This of course depends on the activity, but a key thing to keep in mind, is if you choose to take her on an activity she is passionate about, she most likely has the proper gear. For example, if she loves skiing, do you really want to show up not having the appropriate gear? You might have to buy some basic clothing, then the skis and other gear you can rent. Although you may not have a lot of conversation during the activity it self, you will have time on the drive to the slopes or even suggest taking her to an early breakfast on the way. Just remember, your attire should be appropriate to the activity. Don’t wear athletic shoes if you are taking her horseback riding or hiking. Get proper foot gear/attire and if you are not willing to spend the money then take her somewhere that suits your wardrobe.
How much money do I need to spend? You need to decide what your budget is and what you are willing to spend. And yes gentlemen, you should cover the cost. Even if she asked you out first, you should foot the bill. I am old fashion like that and women really appreciate it. It goes in line with chivalry and gentlemanly behavior. I am not saying you should pay all of the time or on the second date, but you asked her out, you should pay. I agree that women should offer to pay sometimes and whether you let her or not, that is up to you. I would say on average, I let a woman pay, maybe one in five times. There are many things you can do on a first date that do not cost a lot of money. Again, talk to her and get to know some of her interests. For example, if she is into photography, you may search the internet to find out if there are any new photography exhibits at one of the local museums in your area. Those don’t typically cost too much. Depending on the weather, you may consider a picnic lunch at some scenic spot around town; again it doesn’t cost a lot but there is more planning involved (i.e. shopping, preparing the food, and packing it properly). Be creative and just be comfortable with what you want to spend!
What to expect at the end of the date? Do not expect anything. Having no expectations will keep things light and comfortable. Nothing worse than an uncomfortable moment at the end of the date as you are walking her to her door (yes, walk her to the door). Should you kiss on the first date? If you are both attracted to each other, it is definitely acceptable and respectable to kiss. Speaking to the men, you may have to take the initiative in this area and if you can not tell if she wants you to kiss her, you are in trouble. You will really need to pay attention and look for indicators. And ladies, let your guy know you want him to kiss you if that’s what you want. Give him a big sign. You can touch his hand and thank him for the “wonderful” time, lean into him, move your body up close to his, etc. Guys, if you can’t tell, I would hold off. You do not want to be presumptuous and create an awkward moment. You can ask her, i.e. “Do you mind if I kiss you?” But women generally frown on this, at least in my experience. But that’s your call. I have posed this question to women before and received generally good reception, so it is an option, but use it as a last resort.
Should you have sex on the first date? Men and women of course think differently on this topic. Statistically, 20% of men think sex on the first date is acceptable, while only 2% of women agree (blogher.com). No other information regarding how many men and women were surveyed or who was surveyed was available. Nonetheless it gives you an idea of the different mind set regarding sex on the first date. It is up to those involved whether you have sex on the first date or not but what happens afterwards may affect men and women differently. I think men get the “wrong” idea about women if they engage so quickly, so generally, I would refrain from sex on the first date.
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Men can learn a lot from this advice. If properly applied, when the opportunity of second plus dates open up, women will then on their own reciprocate and appreciate the thoughtfulness put forth. This article is great because it shows how to begin to attain a good foundation to an exciting relationship.
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