You made it through your divorce, you’ve settled the custody issues, finally moved into a descent place, and the dust is settling. All of that took a long, hard nine months. Emotionally, it ended during the last year of your marriage. It wasn’t working for either of you but you tried to stay together for the kids, the convenience, and a few other reasons. Now what?

Focus on you – Take care of you and give yourself a little TLC;  it doesn’t mean you don’t care about your children, your parents/family, or friends. Men and women pamper themselves differently and whatever feels good to you, do it. Ladies, if you haven’t had a manicure, pedicure, or spa-treatment in awhile, treat yourself. Even if money is a little tight, stop spending four dollars a day on that super tall skinny latte you buy each morning on your way to work. Or what about that yoga you used to do before you got pregnant? And guys, how about getting back to pumping that iron you love to do or swinging that club out on the back nine? Do it. Find a way to get back a little of you that used to mean so much to you. Sometimes it is easy to forget about the “me factor” with the distractions and stresses we are all exposed to on a daily level and getting in some “me” time may just keep you a little more sane. Relieving some stress will help you have better relations with those around you and help get your head on right to re-enter the dating world.

It’s time- After a bit of regrouping internally and you start to feel comfortable that you can actually, maybe, perhaps, go on a date, how exactly do you go about it? Honestly? Just rip the band-aid off or jump all the way in, not stick your big toe in the water to check out how cold it is. You haven’t kissed another girl/guy in ten years and now you have to figure out how to get one to go out with you?? There wasn’t even online dating then, cell phone use was sporadic, but now everyone texts, facebooks, and myspaces. Wtf??? Dating options have changed and partly for the good and partly not so much. At least you don’t have to go to a bar every weekend to actually meet a guy/girl to get a date with; you still can, but there are so many more options. If you are not ready for all the millennium technologies, perhaps you have a friend who knows someone or you know, a friend of a friend. Regardless of your mode of operation, get on it; throw your hat back in the ring, bite the bullet, or however you want to phrase it, and go on a date!!

The date- You manage to meet someone who is somewhat interesting and agree to go out. OMG, what pressure you feel. You aren’t even sure if you are attracted to him/her and you are going out on a date. It’s ok; just slow it down a bit. Don’t let your head spin you into a million thoughts about it. Whether you are a guy or a girl, if you are only looking for a sexual hook-up, you may want to be honest with whomever you agreed to go out with; if you’re not, it could pose problems down the road. Even if you didn’t know it when you agreed to go on the date, communicate your intent if you know it. If you don’t, then don’t sweat it. Keep the first date light, fun, interesting, inexpensive, and time minimal. Time minimal: you don’t want to over commit time to a date until you know someone a bit. Can you imagine agreeing to a day trip somewhere that involves five hours and your date is quite obnoxious, unbeknownst to you until an hour into the date?

Final thoughts- Don’t worry if your first few dates back into the dating world aren’t all winners. The key is to get back in it. You have enough to balance with your ex, your kids, job, family, friends, etc and if you can meet someone who’s company you can enjoy, it can provide the overall balance that you need once you are ready and a break from your daily routine and stresses. Remember, this moment is your life, so make the most of it.

Robbie Lee, author of  The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

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