Humans are creatures of habit and eventually your habits will affect your relationships. Couples begin to settle in, get comfortable, enjoy the day-to-day consistency, and perhaps eventually, fall into a rut. If the two of you are still laughing and having fun doing the same old same old, great. Either way, it is good to take a look at where you are with your partner, whether your married, dating, engaged, etc and give you and your partner a treat by rejuvenating your relationship. You should also take a “self -check” and see if you are happy with where you are as an individual. If not, that will spill over into your relationship and could potentially have an adverse affect on the relationship. The relationship you have with yourself is even more important than those with others and requires the appropriate attention as well.
The Couple. Take inventory of what is going on with your relationship. Are you fighting regularly or what you would call “too often”; is he/she doing things that totally annoy you; have either of you been avoiding intimacy; are you spending too much time together, thus avoiding your own life? There are many questions everyone should ask him/herself occasionally to check up on what is really going on with yourself and with your partner. Avoiding such questions will only show up later in an unattractive way, such as outbursts or erratic behavior.
In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, I include a chapter on how to keep her (Chapter Seven). The contents of this chapter can help anyone who wants to keep their relationship going in a positive direction. The number one tool to use in all of your relationships is communication. Communication is defined at Dictionary.com as the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs. The key to this exchange is that the person you are communicating with understands exactly what you are conveying. Miscommunications happen more often than not only because the “receiver” of the information interprets your information differently than you as the “sender” intended. Getting to know someone better decreases the possibility of these miscommunications. Bring your relationship to a new level. Start communicating with your partner with intent. Don’t presume they understand you, be clear and reciprocate. Before taking something personally, (which I highly encourage you don’t) ask your partner what they meant by that or to clarify whatever issue comes up.
Each couple, whether living together or not, has daily stresses unrelated to the relationship itself. Individual friends, jobs, family, and ones self, bring stress to our lives that we often can’t avoid. Demand on individual time alters the relationship time. I recommend two things to address daily stresses. One, spend time alone. No time for that you say? The bathroom. This is an excellent place no matter if you live alone or not, where everyone can go and be alone. Take a long hot bath or shower. Let the water fall on you like rain or close your eyes and imagine you’re a soaking in a hot tub somewhere you’ve never been. The mind is a great vacation spot away from daily stresses. If you are fortunate that you can meditate, that may just be your savior.
The other thing I recommend is spend some quiet time with your partner; no music, no television, no talking, no phones, etc. The best way to accomplish this is to go into nature. Find a place that exemplifies rejuvenation; a spot along the beach, a cliff, a mountain-top, a river, an open field, the woods. Being with nature is a way to revitalize our energies and calm our minds. Don’t just do it with your eyes; do it with your mind, your nose, your mouth, your breath. Take it all in and really be present. Look at the bird hopping along, foraging for his worm, smell the breeze, listen to the leaves rustling. If you really pay attention and are completely present, the experience will be amazing. Later, you and your partner can find a quiet place for lunch or a picnic and talk about what each of your experienced. I find most people are rushing around and being “un-present”. Often times, we are all just trying to survive, get along, pay the bills, do chores, raise the kids, but without the intention of being present, you will wake up one day and wonder, where did the time go?
The Individual. The question of the day is, “Am I where I want to be?” I don’t mean it in a way to over task yourself or that you haven’t met unrealistic goals, such as wanting to be a millionaire by the time your 30 years old. Self-reflection of your life is a good way to stay on track or get back on track. I personally was a late starter to the adult world having focused on just having a good time for longer than most. There is nothing wrong with that, but at some point if you are 45 and still living in a studio apartment with milk crate furniture and delivering early morning newspapers, you may wake up when you are 60 in big trouble. I don’t equate age to achieving goals so don’t mistake what I am saying here. If you are happy that’s great. But knowing that you have always had some other dream and have not achieved it then chances are you won’t be happy at some point about what you did or didn’t do.
It is important to rejuvenate the relationship you have with yourself. Spend time in thought about what you are passionate about and what dreams you want to achieve. Reflect on what you have accomplished. It doesn’t have to be significant to anyone but you. Make a list of five things you would like to accomplish in the next three years; Take a class in a subject that interests you; lose that 10 or 20 pounds you have wanted to shed; learn to speak a second language. Only you can get in your own way. If you are happy with your life then you have a better chance at being happy in an intimate relationship. It doesn’t matter how long you have procrastinated, do something new today that you have been THINKING about for a while.
Final Thoughts. The world is your oyster (Shakespeare, 1600); meaning, the world is yours for the taking or make whatever you want out of your life. Don’t forget that. You can do anything you set your mind to do. And always remember, “This moment is your life”, so make the most of each moment. It doesn’t matter if you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s or more, time passes any way so set out to achieve all of your life dreams today!!! With such positive energy and attitude about your own personal life, you can’t help but have better relationships with others.
Cheers,
Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women
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