Whether you are married, living together, dating, etc. it is not uncommon for couples to experience elevated stress levels during the holidays. The key is to pay attention, communicate your needs, and incorporate strategies to keep stress low.
Pay attention- Paying attention to your partner and really knowing their emotions is a skill. You may think, “Right, no kidding, why is she stating the obvious”. Don’t fool yourself. While reading this, it is easy to think about paying attention, but what about when you or your partner are knee deep in a situation and going crazy about scheduling their trip to see family members and he/she is yelling at you. Keep in mind that they are not mad at you. They are reacting to the memories of what it’s like to spend holiday time with family members, the financial stress of traveling and buying presents, how everything will get done, and anything else that can get piled on top of that. Before reacting to their outburst, take a moment to remember it’s not you, so don’t take it personally. They are just venting/down loading on the person closest to them. Be patient and offer support either by words or hugs, etc. If you are normally a reactive person, count to ten, breath, think of an intimate thought about your partner, smile, and know everything will be fine.
Communicate your needs- Keeping the lines of communication open during stressful times is more crucial than normal times. If your partner is behaving in a way that is totally not normal and it is annoying you and you find yourself bottling up your feelings about it, find a way to communicate your needs. Don’t engage during the heat of the moment, but perhaps later, send them a text or an email and ask if you can talk about what happened. If you need them to back off a bit or you need space, let your partner know, you just need a time out for an hour or two. How you handle your time out will be different depending on whether you live together or not. Also, encourage your partner to communicate what they need from you if you feel they are really holding back. If you ask, “Honey, are you ok?” and they reply, “I’m fine”. It is likely that they are not “fine”. Don’t pressure them but be sure and reassure them that if they need to talk about anything, you are there for them. If you need something from your partner, let them know, but be sensitive to your timing to ask.
Low stress strategies- Incorporating strategies to keep stress level down is a sure way to keep you and your partner in good spirits with each other.
- Take the initiative to invite your loved one to a bubble bath with you. Set the mood with candles, wine, and music.
- Invite your partner to a luscious massage delivered by you! Purchase a sexy, scented oil and get to work; check out shopinprivate.com.
- Work it out! Take a break and hit the gym, the hiking trail, or the bike trail. If you live in an area where weather doesn’t allow for outdoor activities, try out your local climbing gym or purchase a day pass to an all inclusive gym.
- Sex it up. Is your girl climaxing? While 75 percent of men always reach orgasm only 29 percent of women report the same. In addition, most women are unable to climax through vaginal intercourse, instead needing clitoral stimulation. In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, I encourage the guys to let your girl come first. You know you’ll get there so why not??!!!!!
Final thoughts- Keep it together, work together, and support each other. You can survive the holiday stresses. Whether you stay together for many years or not, why waste time not enjoying the pleasures of life and your loved ones.
Cheers,
Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women
Check out my web at Robbie411.com
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