A friend of mine recently said she found “the one”.  She thinks it’s silly of me that I don’t believe that there is one person for us that is in fact “the one” or the “perfect one”.  If you too believe in the one, then who have all of the other people you have had relationships with?  If you are 40, have been married once or twice, have had multiple boyfriends or girlfriends, but now you find someone you know for certain is “the one”, who were those people?  Did you settle for someone less than the one because you were afraid to be alone or don’t like being alone?

I think it’s great if you find someone that you are compatible with, share similar activities, goals, dreams, values, have great sex and fall in love.  Idealizing as if it were like a Hollywood movie may not be the healthiest thing to do.  In romance movies, the couple meets, falls in love, gets married, and has kids all within in the two and half hours on film.  They are more passionate than you can imagine and most watching will desire that kind of connection.  I know of two couples meeting this past year and after spending a month together, one decides to move 3,000 miles across the country and move in with someone they barely know at all.  Are these people running from something; running from himself or herself or the life they have created for themselves.  Are you doing this?  Is your life not how you want it but instead of fixing it, you involve yourself with someone else to step into their life to escape from your own.  Remember, no matter where you run to, you will always be there and one day you will have to look at your life and fix it yourself.  Otherwise you run the risk of one day being in your 50’s,  alone and your life is still in a mess

Instead of being self absorbed with another person, focus on making sure you’re making the RIGHT CHOICE for your own individual self.  You won’t miss the opportunities that the universe places in front of you, if you focus on doing what you should be doing for your life and pay attention. You are responsible to learn and grow and feed your soul.  If you allow the universe to lead the person who is to be your partner/spouse into your life, and if you allow life to happen, things will play out as they are supposed to.  This is true in all aspects; love, career, finances, etc.

Seeking the one implies that you are not complete without that one person.  You are already complete with or without “the one”. If you have someone that you feel “complete” with perhaps it’s because they are in your life for you to learn lessons and therefore you are where you should be and are with the one you need to be with at this moment.  Nothing wrong with that, but you could be setting yourself up for disaster if you are running from your life, which in turn you will learn one hard lesson.

Final Thoughts- You are here to learn life lessons and grow.  To do this, the universe presents us with challenges and people to assist us in that process.  Take it day by day and pay attention to what it is you should be learning and you will have a fulfilled life.  If you have a specific project to fulfill with someone, like raising children, it is likely that person will stay in your life for a long time.  If someone enters your life to teach you are hard lesson, they may not stay in your life very long no matter how much you love them or how complete they make you feel.   Either way don’t be discouraged.  Honor  your ability to learn and grow remember, happiness comes from within, not without.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee-author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-written by a woman who loves women

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