As defined by Dictionary.com:

Love is a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection for another person;

Lust is a strong, sexual desire for another person.

Defining these two words is simple enough when you are only using your head. If you are actually feeling either of these emotions for a person, it is not so easy to distinguish between the two nor easy to define. I can honestly say that I have experienced both. I can even look back at personal situations and recognize instances where I was in fact in lust, not love. I believe if one is fortunate enough, you can fully experience both with your partner.

Lust. This involves feeling a strong, magnetic, physical and chemical attraction for someone, before, during, and after engaging in sex. Sometimes engaging in sex too soon, perhaps even on the first date. The relationship is built on the sexual/chemical attraction you have for each other, thereby engaging in a lot of sex and flirtatious behavior. This in turn heightens the feelings you have for your partner due to the “need” or increased “wanting” or “desire” you feel for them. It is a craving that is driven by hormones, specifically androgens and estrogens. Your day to day behaviors can become non-typical; you may leave work early or forgo plans with your friends to engage in sex with your partner. You continuously think about having sex with them even when you are not around each other.

There may be a thin line between what may be described as passionate love. You may even experience obsessive behaviors, which studies have shown to also be hormone driven, specifically high dopamine and norepinephrine. However as you spend more time with your partner, lust can become an intense attraction (romantic or feelings of passion) for your partner, and studies show that when things are going well, you may experience a state of euphoria. When things are not going well, obsessive thinking and intensive craving for your partner are driven by low levels of serotonin. If you are experiencing such intensity and your partner is not, this disproportionate behavior may lead to, what may seem, like uncontrollable behavior. This is what some movies may depict as “fatal attractions” or why people stalk other people. Be aware of what is not your normal behavior and recognize that your hormones may be attributing to this behavior.

Love. This involves feeling a warm sense of attachment towards your partner and likely what most people seek. It becomes heightened through calm and peaceful feelings driven by hormones (oxytocin and vasopressin). Generally, this occurs through spending time with someone and increasing your connection with your partner beyond the physical act of sex. You become “close” or highly connected to your partner. Sometimes a dramatic or intense situation occurs, such as a death in the family, accident, or illness, where your partner really expresses their concern, care, and ability to be there for you, thus bringing the two of you even closer.

This feeling of love creates a foundation to build a life together, procreate, and grow together as humans creating a bond that most humans long to experience. At some point, you feel what is described as being “in love”; quite different for the love you have for your sister, father, mother, etc. Having sex and feeling love can increase the release of specific hormones that may continuously flow thereby creating a constant feeling of being in love with your partner.

Being in love is a wonderful feeling but as the saying goes, it takes more than love to make a relationship work. It takes understanding, patience, trust, loyalty, communication, and compromise. Check yourself and give to the relationship to allow it to grow in a positive direction. Allow yourself to be who you are, while your partner is being who they are. Do your own inner work and encourage your partner to do the same if you want the love to keep flowing and keep the lines of communication open.

Love can last along time, but lust will only last until one of you tires of the situation and the feeling of lust dissipates. This can breed contempt in the person left behind and leave them feelings of hurt and angry. So keep this in mind the next time you are lusting after someone and decide to dive in with your eyes wide shut.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Join the mailing list “Hottie Party” at Robbie411.com

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