The time comes when you realize that no mater what, you really need to end your relationship. You’ve done it all; communicated the issues, took a break from each other, had a ménage a trios, broke up a few times and got back together, and even did the counseling thing. There is nothing left. You decide to officially break up with your partner; but when?

Fall. It’s October 15^th, fall is setting in and Halloween is around the corner. You already bought your compatible costumes. It’s one of your favorite annual party events. If you break up now, could you find someone to fill in or would you just not go to the party? If you go alone, then you have to answer all the “hey where is so and so”, from your friends who have no idea yet that you ended your long time relationship. No, that won’t work. You put it aside and enjoy Halloween just like you’ve done the past six years.

Halloween passes and it’s November 2. Uh, oh. Now it’s just weeks away from Thanksgiving and the big family get together you drive three hours to share with your partner’s family. If you break up now, then what? Thanksgiving alone? It’s too late to book a trip to spend with your family, so guess what, you hold off. And there you go. Thanksgiving is just a week away and you realize that Christmas (or Hanukkah) is nearing. The biggest holidays in the United States and part of your traditions as a couple and there is just no way you can bare the thought of handling the holidays alone; it would  just be too depressing. You even remember that you’re spending a big New Year’s eve with friends in the Mexican Riviera. Oh no, this won’t work; you need to put off breaking up until after the first of the year. “Yes, you say to yourself, “that will work, I can break up mid-January”.

Winter. The first of the year rolls around and you are gearing up for the big “talk”. Holidays are over and you are reflecting in the new year. You are ready to take on new challenges and accomplish a few of your goals. It’s time to exit this relationship that just isn’t working anymore. You argue too much, sex is minimal, and it is obvious that you are both miserable and/or unhappy. Hmm. Winter. Depending on what part of the country or world you are this surely means different things. Breaking up, just as a cold, windy, winter in Chicago doesn’t sound good. Who will keep you warm and for that matter when would you ever get to go out new dates???? Nope, winter isn’t a good time either. And “OMG,” you just realize that Valentine’s Day is a little over a month away. Nope, now is definitely not good.

Spring. Valentine’s Day has passed and you made it to the end of February. Wahoo!!! It was a fine Valentine’s Day too. Not off the charts, but you love your partner and yes, it was a “fine” time. You’re just not “in love” with them anymore but the thought of being single and being out in the “dating” world is too much. And guess what, it is still cold outside and that doesn’t sound good either. Spring is just around the corner, so you decide to wait. “Yes, that’s it!! Spring fling and all, here I come”, you shout!!

April arrives. The birds are singing, the sky is sunny, the warm air makes you smile; but guess what??-your birthday is a month away. Now what? Break up now, when every year  on your birthday you celebrate by doing something well planned out by your partner?? Wow. You remember all the great birthdays your partner planned for you. No, it just won’t work; breaking up now is not a good idea. You and your partner get along well enough, maybe more like companions, but at least you are not going to be alone on your birthday.

Summer. This is it; summer is the right time. You can handle it now. You can handle being single. The sun is shining on most days, there are concerts, sporting events, tons of road trips to tackle, fresh summer farmer’s markets to visit,  and a ton of places to meet new friends. You realize now that you can focus on you; work on losing a few pounds that most people gain when they are in a relationship, read that book that you bought a year and a half ago, now collecting dust under your bed, and you can learn to speak Italian; another life long dream. But wait, every summer you take a  three week vacation with your partner and this year you had plans to go to Europe. Hmmm. Europe, alone???? How could you afford that and do you really want to go to Europe for the first time alone????

Fall. The vacation was good. You bought Louis Vuitton, new designer clothes, walked the Louvre, drank wine in Loire Valley, and road the Metro. Labor day has passed, the leaves are changing colors, and you realize fall is nearing. Fall, again?? Wait, didn’t you first decide to break up nearly a year ago?? Yes, you did. It was just before Halloween and that’s just six weeks away. Now what? You made it through another year and are now confronted with the same dilemmas as last year at this time. That’s not good.

Final thoughts. Guess what? There really isn’t a good time of year to break up. So if you find that you are not happy and have settled into a “companion-type” relationship, you argue too much, and/or you know you want more, just do it-break up. Have that talk. Chances are your partner is going through the same thing you are and if one of you don’t take the step, you will wind up losing another five or six years. Remember, this moment is your life so do your self a favor- live it the right way.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

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