Breathing heavy, with rage not passion, I started toward the ladder to start climbing down. I just knew that I had been one stupid girl to think that any guy would have an interest in me. It hurt that I had such a response to him and all he could do was make me blush and notice I was a midget Amazon. Useful for feeding live stock and throwing things but not so good for cuddling, kissing and having for a girlfriend. I didn’t look at him on purpose as I didn’t want to put my hands around his belt with my “strong arms” and punt his butt off the hay mow with my “muscular legs.” At that time he bore a remarkable resemblance to a bale of hay. When I got to the edge, I had swung my leg over to start down and I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Jim asked.

“Down,” I said shortly.

“But we’re not done throwing bales,” he protested.

“I AM done and if you don’t let go of me right now you are gonna learn how a hay bale feels when it flies off the side of this mow!” I responded very deliberately. My oldest sister had been very hard to live with. Since I was the youngest sister she could always thump me when she had a bad day. But on the positive side of things, I wasn’t afraid to dish it back either. What did I have to loose after all?

His hand instantly rose off my shoulder and he asked with surprise, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing…absolutely nothing…I am perfectly fine,” I said and climbed down the ladder leaving him alone at the top. The fear that had been with me when I was climbing up wasn’t with me when I was climbing down. It was replaced with anger and disappointment I think. When I got down I did what I always did if I was able. I went back to my horse. She was there waiting almost as if she knew I would be needed which of course she was. I buried my face in her warm neck and tried to calm down. Her presence worked as it always did and magically my anger faded. I tried to understand my reaction.

Here was a guy I had just met, that I found very attractive that didn’t seem to return my attentions. This was certainly not an unusual occurrence, rather it was almost a daily one. It wasn’t that I found guys so attractive on a daily basis that made my hormones scream, I just noticed couples every day and despaired of ever being IN one. My reaction to Jim was the strongest physical attraction I had felt in my short life and not knowing what to do with it when it wasn’t returned made me angry. I was angry at myself for not knowing what to expect but expecting it anyway. I was angry at him because who asked him to interfere with my barn time anyway? Even though I was young, logical thinking seemed to make the most sense to me. Perhaps it was the way that my sister was hysterical about this and that, constantly reacting to anything and everything. What I do know is that when I got mad, I got angry at myself for getting mad. This was a very convoluted way of thinking which of course made me mad for thinking that way. While I was standing, back in the stall AGAIN, trying to rationalize my angry reaction, I failed to pay attention to the sound of footsteps that were again approaching my stall.

“Hey,” came his voice. I really did not want to make eye contact at this point so I just kept my head by my horses.

“Hey,” I said back.

“Gonna help me feed all this hay?” he asked.

“Just give me Lil Misses, I’ll feed her,” I answered.

“Ok,” he replied. Instead of throwing her hay over the stall door, he instead unlocked it and came in the stall itself and threw the hay in the corner. Lil Miss abandoned me in her desire to eat and I was left standing in a stall with Jim between me and the door. I was trapped. I was also speechless.

He just stood there for a moment with his fingers once again stuck in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. Those eyes, those goddamn eyes, were focused and intent on me, assessing and measuring.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I kept my eyes trained downward and said, “For what?”

“For hurting your feelings,” he said back.

Now I did look up and with defiance asked him, “What make you think you hurt my feelings?”

He smiled again, damn him, and said, “I think it was something like being told I was going to experience the joy of flight hay style that gave me the hint.”

I decided to take the high road and ignore his charm. “I’m sorry too,” I said. “I never should have said I would do something and not done it.”

“Your right,” he replied. “It wasn’t very nice to tell me you would help me feed all these horses and then not do it.”

“I wasn’t talking about feeding the horses Einstein. I was talking about throwing you off the hay mow!” I sweetly responded. He threw his head back and laughed and laughed. What could I do? I just stood there and observed how his throat and chest moved in communion with one another when he laughed so hard. I found it so sexy damn him to hell!!! Finally , after a century of watching him laugh his ass off, he slowed and eventually quit.

“Done?” I asked.

“You are so funny!” he exclaimed.

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” I said with resigned bitterness. “I’m smart and strong too…remember?” and I looked down at the floor, tears filling my eyes. I hated it when I did that. To show weakness in private was one thing, but to show it to a virtual stranger who you feel has rejected you is the worse of the worst. I don’t recall him moving toward me, but suddenly he was there. I could feel his body heat he was so close. Before I had a chance to look up on my own, his hand was under my chin gently lifting it.

“Being smart and strong is just two of the things you are.” He said.

“Oh really?” I asked struggling to maintain my composure. My pulse was leaping out of control, I didn’t know what his intentions were, and I only knew that if he was NICE and sympathetic I was going to have to fight the urge to choke him and I was going to have to fight it hard. “What else am I then?” I asked.

“Kind and loving or that horse wouldn’t love you for one thing,” he said.

“Great quality to have isn’t’ it?” I quipped. “I bet all the girls would just envy the fact that I can make a HORSE love me!”

Ignoring my little outburst, he raised the hand that was on my chin and cupped my cheek with it and said quietly into my ears. “You are also very, very pretty.”

Shocked, my eyes lifted to his and I found I was unable to move. His head came down, down, down until his lips touched mine. I was so shocked I was being kissed I forgot to close my eyes… until I tasted mint that is. Then I closed them firmly and settled in to enjoy my long awaited, much anticipated, thought I would never have one….first kiss.

To be continued………..

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