Grrrr…
I read He is just not that into you when it first came out. My initial reaction after the first few chapters was. Okay, yeah that’s not too bad but I kept waiting for solutions to problems but they never came. The next chapter had another pathetic story, with the author arrogantly ripping into the sad girl. After a few paragraphs of beratement and general cynicism the author ends with DRUM ROLL!! “He’s just not that into you,” I kept thinking that there has got to be more substance to this book! But one more bad story with the same message “he’s just not that into you…” I felt my frustration rise like I did with the book Skinny Bitch (decent book but why swear for swearing sake??). I would have thrown it across the room if it wasn’t in audio and I didn’t want to break my iPhone. (granted there is nothing wrong with one message, as long as it is profound. Power of Now was an amazing book and the concept is so difficult that it needed repeating)
It is part of slang now! no!!!
I was talking to a female friend of mine about a guy. She was very frustrated with him. Sometimes she would call and he would be really sweet but he would never take the initiative to contact her. She was really bummed and came to me. “Mike WTF, why do I cater to this guy? Why am I always the one to initiate? I feel like such a boob.” I gave her one of those empathetic, it’s your fault smiles. Than she said the most un-empowering comment. “Maybe he is just not into me?” I bared my teeth and felt the hair on the back of my neck lift in irritation. I responded much more harshly than I meant to. “OF COURSE HE IS NOT!! It is because you totally screwed it up!!” She recoiled a bit as I projected my frustration. “Sorry, sorry… That book bugs me, it absolves people of any responsibility for their actions!”
The three Mikeateers
I answered the phone cautiously since I didn’t recognize the number. A guy on the other end said, “Is this Mike?” I answered, “Yeah, who is this?” he said “this is Mike too (sucks having the most popular guy name in the US) are you dating a girl named Barbara?” I felt something bad brewing “Uh huh, what’s it to you?” He said,”I just thought you should know that I am dating her too, not only that but I think there is a third guy and believe it or not, his name is Mike.” I let the phone sit for a while as my stomach dropped and my head was hit with a slushy like brain freeze.
I had a strange feeling about Barbara for a while but I was so into her that I just ignored it. I was needy and probably would have emotionally benefited from the message in He’s just not that into you. Fortunately I didn’t have that book around and I learned how never to repeat this.
At the time lessons like this really hurt but now they are very valuable. Was she just not into me? No, she was into me and two other Mike’s. I certainly felt like she was not into me and because of my need I was drawn to become a member of her harem.
Why are you responsible
YES this is a good message for a girl/guy who is overly needy, chasing someone that is not reciprocating. The message might help them move on BUT… I feel this is just like your doctor saying, “well the reason you have diabetes is genetic, there is nothing you can do.” BULLSHIT… that doctor is not taking into consideration that you are 200 pounds over weight! Yes genetics are a factor but you can do something about that factor. You can take responsibility for these things happening in your life. He is just not that into you?? Well maybe you are so desperate for his attention that you are stealing energy from him. You cannot do that… He will instinctively pull away or use you as a masturbatory device.
Combat the helplessness…
The secret is being able to sense the balance. If it is not there, for god sake don’t make it worse by demanding it! If he does not reciprocate pull back, and regroup. Maybe he really isn’t into you or maybe he is in love with your sister. Well great! Now you know the truth but if you push you are going to get a false positive and just like that guy texting you too often you are going to be removed from his life.
By saying he is just not that into you not only absolves the needy of responsibly it also says you can do nothing to create more attraction. This is ridiculous. Attraction is very much formed in the mind and you can control this. (do you remember that not so hot guy you dated that was so amazing!??) Are you a wallflower that relies on someone being into you before you can have a relationship?? No…! You must create that attraction; you must be fun, playful, cool and confident. Yes… Maybe he is not that into you but if you put your best foot forward 90% of the time he will be!
- You must be so into yourself that you would NEVER allow relationship imbalance
- A good sales person could sell you a dead muskrat, are you selling yourself well?
- He’s just not that into you, can be dangerous make sure you apply it appropriately
- Take responsibility for the situation and understand your role in it, now DON’T
Mike Masters
Writes a blog for women about relationships at http://mikethemasterdater.com
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