Danielle tries to move in

Nate seems like the marrying kind a guy. He draws girls that want to marry, like mosquitoes to a sweaty fat man. Nate doesn’t want to get married but he keeps getting stuck. The most recent girl was an adorable schoolteacher. They met at Nate’s birthday party, where he broke up with his girl friend and slept with her the same night. Oops… (I told him not to do that) I also told Nate to be careful with this one since she seemed really needy. Nate ignored me and dove head long into constant dinners and nightly sex. In under a week he had a new girlfriend. The relationship came to a skidding stop when Nate decided he wanted to buy another car. Nate said, “I think I’m gonna do it, I really like that truck.” Danielle, all smiles and cling said, “That’s great! You can drive that and I can drive your Tahoe!” “What do you mean?” said Nate. “You know… when I move in… I can sell my car and just drive yours.” The silence extended for about 20 seconds while it sunk in to both of them that they had radically different expectations for their relationship. Things ended shortly after.

The test drive slut

Ever test drive a car? I did recently when visiting my dad in Michigan. I have always wanted a hybrid SUV (I know it kinda defeats the purpose). I have never owned a new car and it was exhilarating driving down the snow banked Michigan roads. I pulled back into the dealership and was met by the salesman clone of Jim Carry, Grinning widely he said, “so… what’cha think!?” I said “Wow, that was great! I loved it.” He beamed at me showing too many teeth, “Great, great, let’s go inside and see what kind of financing you can get!” My expression went blank immediately, “ahh… I don’t think I am quite ready for that.” “No? well you drove it, you want to buy it right!? What’s wrong?? Do you think you can just test drive it and leave!? What am I supposed to think? How do you think I feel?? GOD, customers are all the same! All they want is a test drive!!!! JERK!!!” and he stormed inside.

I am Casanova

I lived with Q for about 4 years, what a cool guy. One night over copious quantities of beer Q confided in me that he was Casanova. Smugly he said, “I don’t know what it is but girls just fall in love with me.” It felt like he just told me he was inherently a better man than me and I fought the irritation. To shut him down and my own exasperation I said “Q, girls fall in love with about anyone, You, Me and Danny Divito, get over yourself.” I felt like a bit of an ass as the truth hit him. After sex, women tend to have far more emotions and expectations than men.

“Did last night mean anything???”

Of course a few girls are wired differently but most girls become very relationship driven after sex. This is when relationship killers like “So… did last night mean anything?” are blurted out. The guy is there for a test drive and the girl inevitably wants the sale. Trying to get the guy to buy when he is not ready is the fastest way to lose him. To drive this point home watch the movie How to lose a guy in 10 days, hilarious yet SO TRUE… You must become a master of your own emotions if you want to sell that car. You must learn to have a poker face and let him make the choice on his own. Don’t be afraid of the uncomfortable silence while the customer decides. You made your pitch you gave a test drive, he doesn’t want to buy? Find a better customer…

• Can you imagine a girl proposing to a guy? Shut up and let him take the first step
• Sex is an emotionally loaded gun, don’t do it if you can’t control yourself
• Not reciprocating your feelings does not make him an asshole
• The fastest way to lose poker is by showing emotion

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About The Expert

On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Mike Masters.