You’re in bed, ready to sleep or snuggle, but the other side of the bed is empty. Should you worry? Not if your partner is working late or watching the news, but if he or she is staring glassy-eyed at internet porn sites, you may have cause for concern.
If your partner is staying on internet for hours, you want to find out what sites are onscreen. Sexually explicit sites on the internet or other forms of explicit entertainment or behavior can be an enjoyable aspect of healthy sexual arousal and expression. If they become a compulsive, though, sexual addiction may be an issue.
Some people become compulsive about behaviors because they believe they need to get high, to escape or to numb out. With sex addiction, a person becomes compulsive about sex, whether it is expressed as fantasy, internet use, engaging in sex, going to strip clubs, compulsive masturbating, or a love addiction.
Three to six percent of adults in the U.S. are sex addicts seeking to momentarily escape a lack of intimacy in their lives. More men than women are addicts, and most come from severely dysfunctional families.
Signs of sex addiction include:
- the individual or someone close recognizing a problem exists
- being unable to limit or stop sexual acting out
- sexual preoccupation that interferes with normal life
- uncontrolled escalation of sexual behaviors
- dissatisfaction or unhappiness while acting out
The consequences of sex addiction range from the transmission of sexual infections to broken relationships, criminal charges, money problems, lost standing in one’s community, job loss, and suicide.
Sex addicts may have an active sex life with a partner, but their relationships usually lack intimacy, honesty, and the ability to communicate – especially about the addiction. The partner may be embarrassed, hurt, confused or even disgusted.
Sexual addiction alters how people view their bodies and how they receive pleasure from them, so psychological therapy is recommended to put sex back into perspective.
Treatment for sex addiction is a lengthy process, and certified addiction specialists are the best source for help. In addition to private therapy sessions, addicts benefit from attending meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous (www.saa-recovery.org) or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (www.slaafws.org). Partners of sex addicts benefit from therapy, too, because their behavior may facilitate or trigger the other partner’s compulsive behavior.
For more information about sex addiction, read Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes and Cybersex Exposed: Simple Fantasy or Obsession? By Jennifer Schneider and Robert Weiss. Wondering whether you might have a sex or love addiction? You can take an online, anonymous questionnaire.
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The column by Melanie Davis is excellent. It is straightforward and explicit without being preachy. I