1. When will I see you again? You’ll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he’ll call. If not, next. You don’t have time for anyone that doesn’t have time for you.
2. Why didn’t you call? There’s only one answer to this question: Because he didn’t want to!!! What you’re really asking is, “Why didn’t you want to call me?” Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn’t be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don’t be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it’s a big mess!
3. Where were you? If he wanted you to know where he was, he’d tell you. What you’re really asking is, “Were you with another female that you like better than me?” Your insecurity is showing, sweetie. If anything, he should be wondering where you were.
4. I love you (first) You’re saying it in the hopes that he’ll say it back, but what if he doesn’t? You’ll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying “I love you” is not going to speed things up if he’s not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he’s ready.
5. Did you sleep with her? As long as he’s not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don’t torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.
6. Are you seeing anyone else? Mystery is to men what romance is to women. You’ve just indirectly told him that you want to be exclusive, you’ve handed over control of the relationship and you’ve killed the mystery. Who knew 5 words could be so powerful?
7. Where is this going? Nowhere fast if that’s your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that’s constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it’s going. If it’s going somewhere, you’ll know it. If it’s not, you’ll know it too.
8. We need to talk. This is the equivalent of, “Go to the principal’s office”. Guys know it’s not going to be a fun conversation, so they’re already on the defense. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don’t try to talk to him when he’s tired, stressed or trying to watch tv!
9. What are you thinking? What you’re really asking is: Is something wrong? Are you mad at me? Are you thinking about our relationship? Are you thinking about me? Are you thinking about someone else? If he wants you to know what he’s thinking, he’ll tell you on his own. If he doesn’t, he’ll lie when you ask.
10. I don’t trust you. What you’re actually saying is, “You need to step up your game, because I can see you’re up to something.” If he is up to something, he’ll just become even sneakier. Better to think smart and act dumb-it’ll be easier to get the evidence you need to confirm your suspicions.
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Lucia-
I think you are accurate in the psychology of what the questions really mean. And, I can tell you as a man, there aren’t many more uncomfortable things than when a woman says ‘I Love You’ too soon!
It’s toughto dodge without hurting, but you certainly don’t want to lie, either.
Men also dread the “We Need To Talk” talk. That’s happened to me and when she said it, the last thing I wanted to do was talk. I knew it was going to be a one sided situation about all things that I did wrong.
The truth is, these questions arise when a person’s needs aren’t being met. They should be asking questions, but these are the wrong one’s.
Whomever is having these doubts should first start with self, and ask questions about how you contribute to the relationship. Then ask yourself what you can do to make it better. Understand that men and women are different, so you are probably going to have to ask your partner how you can make it better.
You can have everything in life you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want (Zig Ziglar). When you change and make your partner happy, they will feel a sense of significance, and will return feelings toward you!