Most people when they speak about equal rights in a relationship really don’t want the equal part, especially most women! When you get down to the facts about equality most women want to be pampered, spoiled but please don’t use the words “taken care of”. I find when counseling most women that they have this idea in the back of their heads that they should find a man then once hooked he should put you on a pedestal and you should be spoiled. I say that’s pathetic! The problem with society these days is most men and women are taught by the parents to do just that, now mind you I said most!
The common sense of equal parts in a relationship is simple, IT’S EQUAL! Everything, from money, cleaning, children, work and so on, are split in half. If the reality of this would sink in to some then we could have equality in this relationship.
I have met and counseled several individuals who have a lot of similar views, while one specific woman had informed me she could not understand why her significant other wanted her to work, now that she had no children to care for there was no obvious reason for her to sit at home. So I used basic psychology on her, asking questions such as, “will you be willing to let him make all the decisions” and also “are you going to clean, do laundry and have his meals on the table when he gets home” not to my surprise the answers were no. I then pointed out that if you do not contribute then why should you have a say in what goes on, I mean if a person is home, unemployed, then the responsibility of the housework becomes theirs. Unfortunately some women feel as though they are princesses and should do nothing, I call that lazy.
Now there are men who do not carry their weight around the home either, they feel even though the wife works she should be responsible for the cleaning, cooking and so on. This is not an equal relationship; this could work as long as both parties understand that one has more say than the other.
My biggest grief with those who are too good to do the work is plain and simple, “what makes you better then the other person”?
When beginning, or trying to fix a relationship it’s important to establish an equality point, one should know if it’s 50-50, 60-40, or what. Although, as stated, a relationship can work when its not 50-50, in my experience I have found it’s not as smooth.
The truth and facts of any relationship should be a bonding agent between both parties, once established the couple should review and edit every so often, this way it keeps it fair. The idea is just like any other contract, which really is what a marriage license is, the contract has terms, has a termination date, not that you should terminate the marriage but the terms should be reviewed and negotiated.
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Equal rights in a relationship doesn’t have anything to do with earning a paycheck, doing laundry, or making all the decisions. It’s about having an equal say on what the priorities are for the couple.
I’ve worked full time my whole life and am lucky to enjoy my work and not be too stressed from it. However, I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a stay at home wife with or without children. I don’t think not working outside the home makes someone a princess or lazy. Money, chores, and material things aren’t the biggest priorities to all couples.
In your clients case, the man and woman were not on the same page. For many couples, having one partner at home, is a desirable choice. There was a recent article on CNN.com about exactly that.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/08/05/lw.nokids.nojob.wives/index.html
The men interviewed it preferred it. These are educated couples that have decided to make this decision. I know many women, who’s husbands have very stressful careers, and are a lot to handle. When they come home, they don’t want a stressed out wife. It’s not about having her cook, clean, and scrub the floors. It’s about having a happy partner to come home to. If he travels for work, they may want a travel companion because things get lonely on the road.
Often in dual income couples, if both partners are stressed and tired from their job, they don’t have the patience listen to each others bad days, energy to make love, or availability to travel outside of the standard vacations. Eventually their communication breaks down and the intimacy follows. We hear about this situation all the time. Two good people, who were too stressed out to give their relationship the priority necessary.