If you have experienced this trauma, you know how it feels. Like someone just kicked you really hard in the stomach. With pointy steel toe cowboy boots on…in the dark…because you never saw it coming. What trauma am I speaking of? When the person you divorced or just broke up with starts dating someone else.
Okay, that’s not entirely true, you did see it coming. Some of you saw it coming well before your marriage or relationship ended. Like when he said he was going out with the guys and came home smelling like the latest Britney Spears perfume (because Chanel is just way too classy for the kind of trashy women he cheats on you with, right?). Or how about every time your wife got a phone call she would rush out of the room to talk…to her mother she said. While giggling, playing with her hair and using that sexy voice she used to use on you. Tell mom I said hi.
Some of you didn’t see it coming. You and the ex split up amicably, no hard feelings, “we just grew apart” kind of ending. No harm, no foul. Until “That Person” comes onto the scene.
“That Person” may be the person your ex cheated on you with. “That person” is the newly crowned significant other in your ex’s life. “That Person” is the one now making your ex happy. “That Person” is your worst nightmare.
Any insecurities, doubts, or unanswered questions that you have emotionally worked through, come a knockin’ on the door of your ego. No, not a polite knock as in “Hello, anyone home, this is your grandmotherly next door neighbor and I’ve brought over a freshly baked apple pie for you with lots of cinnamon and sugar on top.” No, this knock can be categorized as the police S.W.A.T. unit in one of those manly action movies. Using one of those big ramming things to break down a door in a dangerous suspect’s home and drag them off to prison. Hate to break it to you, but you my friend are that dangerous suspect. And that big ramming thing won’t stop until it does indeed break down your door…unless you slowly open it and expose yourself to why you resent “That Person.”
Questions will surface including but not limited to: “What does he have that I don’t have?” or “You don’t really have to be that smart to be a doctor…or a member of Mensa do you?” and “He’ll get tired of her once she gets ages in ten years and develops stretch marks and wrinkles…right?”
Let me give you some wisdom that I’ve just learned. “That Person” is no better than you. No smarter, no more attractive, no better in bed. And if they in fact are smarter, cuter, and sexier it doesn’t matter anyway. If it wasn’t “That Person”, there would have been another “That Person.” No two relationships are the same. What your ex has with “That Person” will never replace what you two had. Expect to be jealous, wish your ex happiness, and move on with your life. You’ve got better things to do…like find your own “That Person!”
About the Author: Kim Hess lives in San Francisco, CA with her two very wonderful, very energetic boys. She is a writer, entrepreneur, and Divorce Guru whose current mission in life is to help people realize that their lives can be better after their divorce than it was before. She facilitates divorce support groups around the Bay Area and loves corny jokes and stadium mustard. Visit her at www.kimhess.com to contact her for a phone or in person consultation.
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