I was watching public television this morning. I’m sure you’re assuming I’m one of those intellectual types that only watches public television, listens to public radio, and only buys organic free trade coffee which will make some little girl in a developing country have the means to go to school one day, and not have to marry her 45 year old cousin. Stop assuming. I wish I was that person. I just can’t afford cable.
But I digress. As I was saying, I was watching Suze Orman on public television. She is a hard core financial guru who helps women (and men) get their financial life together. My hero. Anyway, she was yelling at the audience about how they should not put themselves on sale. You know, charging less than what your services are worth, contributing to your kid’s college fund but not to your retirement, and not asking for the raise you should have gotten back in ‘94. My hero got me to thinking about putting ourselves for sale. We do it in our financial lives. We really do it in our love lives.
You’re probably asking, “But Kim, how do I put myself for sale in my love life? I don’t charge for my love like a professional escort or hooker.” Let me answer you. You put yourself for sale by not following your heart, your mind, and whatever else tells you you’re making a mistake in the love department.
You meet a guy, he’s wonderful and you adore him. He adores you too…when he has time for you. He calls you when HE’s ready, he takes you out when HE wants to, you have sex when HE’s in the mood. And what do you do? You smile and slash the price of your value every time you let him have his way without complaint. Let me explain something to you. A relationship takes two. Two wants, two needs, two people compromising, two people providing. If you accept just his wants and his needs you have just put yourself on sale. From a twelve thousand dollar Hermes bag to a $19.99 pleather bag you pick up at Target while stocking up on toilet paper. Some sale, huh?
Same thing goes for the men out there. You’ve found a great girl who you devote lots of time, energy, money, and emotion into. But she doesn’t want to get serious, she wants to date other people. And you. And still go to five star restaurants on your dime. And have you call her everyday to see how she is. You, my friend, have just put a big fat 50% off sticker on your forehead if you deal with this.
Who buys things on sale? Those who can’t afford the full price. Or people who are cheap. Hold out for someone who thinks you’re worth the full value and is willing to pay for it. Trust me, you don’t want to “spend” your time and love on someone who’s frugal in the love department. And definitely not on someone who’s not willing to pay full price for the fantastic person you are! Items that people value and one of kinds (think Mona Lisa) just don’t go on sale. You shouldn’t either.
About the Author: Kim Hess lives in San Francisco, CA with her two very wonderful, very energetic boys. She is a writer, entrepreneur, and Divorce Guru whose current mission in life is to help people realize that their lives can be better after their divorce than it was before. She facilitates divorce support groups around the Bay Area and loves corny jokes and stadium mustard. Visit her at www.kimhess.com to contact her for a phone or in person consultation.
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I agree completely Kim, I think this would fall under the “He’s just not into you” category. So many people want to stay in the relationship because they are too afraid to get out, too afraid to be alone.
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